Rock My World.

DC cops are getting new toys.  They're called "rumblers" and use low frequency waves to shake everything around them.  So you don't need to see or hear the police car, you can feel it coming.  I'm torn.  I kinda want to see this thing in action, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm gonna like it.  I'll tell you right now that I'll be pissed off if one of those things drives by my window late at night.  The sirens are bad enough, but I don't need to be shaken awake.

• With New Device, Police Shake, Rattle and Roll - washingtonpost.com

Now That's Creative.

You may have seen these pictures of the McDonald's pizza around the internets. Also, maybe not. I have to admit, I wouldn't have thought of that. But I gotta say, 2 cheeseburgers, a pack of fries, and chicken nuggets baked into a pizza is the least disturbing thing about this picture. What the heck is with the gun and large stabby-type knife there? Is it "i'm taking this picture, I'd better make sure my weapons are in it"? Maybe he thinks the hamburgler is gonna burst in at any minute and swipe his pizza. Or maybe this dude just doesn't have any place to set something down that's not next to two killing tools. I dunno, but I gotta go get something to eat; and bake it into something else to eat.

• And I'm Not Lying.

Just Squirt It Into My Mouth.

Yes, ez-cheese meets breakfast. I can't really begin to describe how disgusting I find this. Not the pancakes oozing out of a pressurized container part, but the absolute waste and laziness this product represents. If you can't crack an egg and pour some milk, you don't deserve pancakes. There's 8 pancakes in this conveniently disposable and landfilling container, as opposed to the about 300 servings found in a cardboard box of pancake mix. What's next, some kind of potted meat aerosol sausage machine? Please don't buy this. Go get some Eggos if you're too stupid/lazy to make pancakes from "scratch".

• Strange New Products: Pancakes from an Aerosol Can

*Note: Actually making pancakes from scratch isn't really that hard, and using a premade mix is even easier. If you need to squirt them out of a can, I'm not sure you're gonna be able to handle the arduous tasks of flipping them over, pouring syrup from a bottle, and putting them into your mouth with a fork.

Happy.

All it takes to make me happy is to give me exactly what I want.  And if you're lucky enough to have been told what makes me sad, it should be a cake walk to do the opposite.  I knew having a blag would be advantageous.  I mean, I assume Google read my sullen write up of their pop service and immediately started working on imap support.  It took them a little over a month, but they're starting to roll out the capability.  This is gonna kick ass on my Helio.  *Smile*  I love you too, Google.

• Gmail gets IMAP - Download Squad

You've Gotta Lock That Down.

This is not an academic warning.  There have been two incidences of SUVs at my work having their catalytic converters stolen from the parking lot.  It must really suck to start up your monstrosity and realize that an integral piece of your exhaust system has been burgled.  Of course I find it fairly amusing because my car sits so low to the ground that I can't even get my shoulder under it, let alone remove any parts.  So while you can handle the urban jungle of potholes on Mass Ave better, I get twice the gas mileage and my junx don't get stole.  Who's laughing now sucker?

• Jalopnik: Cat Burglars

I Like Yogurt. That's Something, Right?

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate yoga.  I've never even tried it.  But I don't dislike not yoga.  And that's good enough for me.  But I do dislike overly popular trends, a benchmark which yoga is ether quickly approaching or has scampered over the precipice of.  All these hipsters with their fancy mats and special classes;  'oh, I'm so cool with my weird poses and complicated shoes.'

Of course with my luck, disliking yoga will become an overly popular trend and before I know what hit me I'll find myself in a downward dog wearing a unitard.  Hott.

• Hating Yoga - Featured on BuzzFeed

Chocozuma's Revenge.

Wow, this makes a lot of people seem much more reasonable to me.  I eat chocolate.  I have no problem with it.  But it doesn't make my heart beat faster and I don't think about it when I don't have it.  I have no preference between Skittles and M&M's.  I like cheese cake better than chocolate cheese cake.  There IS such a thing as too much chocolate; chocolate chip chocolate cookies for example.

So I seriously did not understand why some people seemed to go apeshit, pardon my french, over something so stellarly ordinary.  But this preliminary study of the various (and differing) strains of bacteria living in peoples' stomachs sheds a bit of light.  Some people actually do feel a basic drive to consume chocolate, while others simply don't.  Huh.  Sounds as plausible as any reason I can think of.

• Scientists Explaing Chocolate Cravings - AP News

P.S. That cookie post was talking about Pepperidge Farm's Cranberry Oatmeal cookies.  So no, its not evidence of irrational chocoholism.

Three Inch Fangs?

I'm pretty glad I don't live in a city where I have to worry about being thrown off a balcony by macaque monkeys.  They're smaller than many species, but aggressive and roam through populated areas stealing and vandalizing.  Mostly they've learned that people have food and can be intimidated out of it more easily than most animals.

I've never fought a monkey, but I like to think that I could scare off two of three of these things if I wanted to.  Given access to a sturdy club, I'd raise that estimate to 5.  Of course monkey bites seem like one of the less pleasant ways to get herpes B.  So I guess it would depend on the type of food I was defending.  This does make me want to learn some type of bare-handed self defense/ monkey fu, but I spose it would be simpler to just get a gun.  And honestly if I thought there was a chance they'd actually take something good from me, I'd do my best to destroy it before they could.  Note to self: get can of hairspray and lighter prior to visiting New Delhi.

• What to do if you're attacked by monkeys. - By Michelle Tsai - Slate Magazine

Cookie Monster.

Pepperidge Farm cookies are such a scam.  There's only eight of those things in a box.  How is that enough cookies for anyone?  I mean, sure if they were bigger than normal cookies that might pass.  But these things are even on the small size of the cookie scale.  Damn you Pepperidge Farm!

No Puffters.

I love the smoking ban in DC.  I find that my quality of life is greatly improved by limiting that of others.  And I'm fine with that.  Mostly its about not having smoke permeate every fiber and pore on me.  Makes me a happy camper and keeps my clothes hamper smelling like BO instead of tar and cancer.

Well, the first exception to the ban has been granted just around the corner at Aroma.  Which always seemed like an odd name for a martini bar to me.  Apparently it is a cigar bar, and with the ban in place they took a large enough hit that they qualified for a hardship exemption.  Now, I certainly understand wanting your customers to be able to enjoy the products you sell, but I can't help thinking this is gonna draw in the smokers from all over the city.  I don't really mind if they want to hot box that place.  I've been to Aroma.  It sucks.  I'm worried about all those future health care liabilities spilling out across the sidewalk and trashing up my neighborhood with their butts.

But don't confuse me with those NIMBY whiners.  I don't even have a back yard.  And I wish people would stop smoking everywhere.  Honestly that's the largest drawback to universal health care that I can think of.  Morons exposing themselves to a notorious and venomous carcinogen, who will eventually want to be cured of their self-inflicted and wholly preventable malady.

• DCist: Smokers, Take Note: Bar Gets Exemption to Ban