I Got It!

After getting so pumped up about google voice I had to sit and simmer till it was my turn to get upgraded. But the time finally came and it looks pretty snazzy. My google contacts are all there instead of my grandcentral ones, which is great because i never put much effort into my GC list. Also on the great list is the "call presentation" option. This is the message that's played when you answer a call from grandcentral. Your caller Id will give the caller's number, but when you answer a voice tells you who's calling and lists options to answer, send to voicemail, or listen in. This is a nice feature when you're not sure who's calling, but kind of a pain when I thought I was answering a call from a friend and have to hit 1 to actually talk to them. So now I can set either by group or individual whether I want to hear that prompt of just immediately answer when I pick up. Pretty sweet. The only downside is that if they do go to voicemail, it'll be my phone's vm, which won't transcribe and email me. Anyway, I'm still testing it out, but so far it looks pretty well thought out and the new SMS feature totally works. So your GV number now works like you'd expect a phone number would.

Here's a widget that'll let you leave me a voicemail:

(keep it clean)

Talk Googly To Me.

Sweet! Looks like Google is finally ready to transition Grand Central into a grown-up Google app. Its gonna be called Google Voice and is open to everyone who already has a grand central account. What? You didn't sign up when I told you to? Oh, well then you'll just have to wait like a sucker till it gets rolled out to the plebes. I guess you can take a look to see what you're missing.

• Google Voice-Features

So, most excitingly, there's a voice mail transcripts feature. Which I assume will just plunk peoples' VM into your gmail inbox with all the other messages you care about. Which seems pretty cool and even more exciting when you imagine the kind of Android implementation this service will get. So it looks like someone's realized that messaging is messaging, and I don't care what medium is used. The less places I have to check for new communications the better. Throw them all in the same inbox and use filters to sort if necessary.

It'll also be nice when they integrate my gmail contacts list with the Grand Central list that I never maintained all that well. Google, keeping your informations sorted and updated and happy.

• Official Google Blog: Here comes Google Voice

P.S. What's up with the sample video? "I left the secret plans on your desk?" Sounds a little shady... Are they finally ready to launch that space laser?

P.P.S. Still waiting on my upgrade link in Grand Central, apparently it could take days for the roll-out to finish. Why did I get so excited this morning?

• google voice blog

Hey, You Suck.

So I got an email today from the Democratic Party about their plans to respond to Rush Limbaugh. Basically they're taking out an ad that says "you suck".

Last week, I asked if you had a message you'd like to send Rush Limbaugh. The response was overwhelming. We received tens of thousands of submissions, and we picked the top five:

• "Americans didn't vote for a Rush to failure"
  
• "Hope and change cannot be Rush'd"
  
• "Failure is not an option for America's future"
  
• "We can fix America, just don't Rush it"
  
• "Rush: Say yes to America"

Now, we're putting it up for a vote. Decide which slogan Rush will see in his home town.

The slogan with the most votes will be put on a billboard where Rush can't miss it.

Now, I did not submit an entry, but I'd like to throw out a couple more options that I feel would better express the sentiment we're after.

• "Rush should be neither seen nor heard."
• "Hey Rush, shut the fuck up."
• "Sorry Rush, we'd invite you in but the rotunda isn't big enough to fit your fat head. And we hate you."
  
• "Radio is for losers."
• "We took a vote. Rush, you're off the island."
• "We're considering legislation to rename this dude 'Douche-bag' Limbaugh."
  

How much does a billboard cost anyway?

Tax Math.

There's been quite a lot of arguing about budgets and tax plans lately, and its been going on since before the primary elections. It may seem confusing to watch all the contradictory claims hurled about and in the end you feel like somebody needs to get called a liar. But such is semantics, you can have two seemingly opposite statements (Ben loves bananas. Ben hates bananas.) that with an untold context (I'm talking about two different Bens) are both true.

So when listening to the President's plan to lower taxes (for most people) and the Republicans' claims that Obama will raise taxes for all Americans, its maybe helpful to examine the subtext of what each side really means. Here's the AP breaking it down:

THE CLAIM: "The president's budget increases taxes on every American, and does so during a recession," said Rep. Dave Camp of Michigan, the top Republican on the tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee.  "Let's just be honest and call it a carbon tax that will increase taxes on all Americans who drive a car, who have a job, who turn on a light switch, pure and simple," House Minority leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, said of Obama's plan to impose a tariff on polluters.

THE FACTS: Under Obama's plan, tax cuts enacted under President George W. Bush for families making more than $250,000 would be allowed to expire in 2011, increasing the top income tax rate from 35 percent to 39.6 percent. The top capital gains tax rate would jump from 15 percent to 20 percent.  Middle- and low-income taxpayers - 95 percent of Americans, by the president's calculations - would receive a new tax credit

Obama also would impose fees on greenhouse gas producers, including power plants that burn fossil fuels, by auctioning off carbon pollution permits. The goal is to reduce the emissions blamed for global warming. The fees would raise a projected $646 billion over 10 years.  Obama aides don't dispute that consumers will get the passed-along costs. In testimony to the House Ways and Means Committee in September, White House budget chief Peter Orszag, then the director of the Congressional Budget Office, said companies that have to pay the emissions fees "would not ultimately bear most of the costs of the allowances. Instead, they would pass them along to their customers (and their customers' customers) in the form of higher prices."  The added cost to consumers is meant as an incentive to reduce energy consumption.  "If people don't change how they use energy, then they will face higher costs for energy," Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said Tuesday.

That emphasis is mine, but that's the real crux of the matter.  The Republicans may be right that it'll cost more to keep living the way we do under Obama's new tax plan.  And that's the goddamn point, to raise the cost of living for lifestyles that are unsustainable.  Sometimes it seems like conservatives would rather keep burning oil and coal until they're so scarce that the markets force consumers into an alternative, why walk off a cliff if you can see it coming?

Imagine your buddy suggesting you stop drinking tequila before you pee your pants, vomit on the floor and drive his car through a Starbucks window.  You don't really want to, and you're not making sense, so maybe he provides a little incentive upside your head.

Money-grubbers: Obama's just trying to motivate in a language you speak, hitting you in the wallet so that you'll understand its cheaper to use renewable resources and consume less energy.  Or maybe you'd prefer if Obama came to your house and punched you in the face every week until you stopped polluting so much.

• The Associated Press:FACT CHECK-Obama 'tax hikes' a matter of words
  

Bottled Puke.

Read through a few "articles" of this blatant astro-turf for the bottled water industry.  They've got peppy responses to a variety of reasons people shouldn't be using disposable plastic bottles.  Here's a little summary of one:

Solid Waste:
plastic bottles are only .3 percent of our solid waste
nothing in a landfill will biodegrade anyway
we have plenty of space for more landfills

See?  There's no reason not to use plastic bottles!  This kinda logic keeps rolling in:

Footprints?:
plastic bottles don't effect global warming
we couldn't change global warming if we wanted to
plastic is cheaper to produce and transport than glass or metal
we should make money while we can and adapt to climate change when we need to

Sweet Samson, I wanna smack somebody.  I've got no problem with plastic or bottles.  Its excess that's the problem; packaging and transporting a product that is already piped to virtually every building in our country is excess.  Sure, brining potable water to regions that lack it is worthwhile, but enabling this disposable culture is wasteful and disgraceful.

There's even a petition (that 351 people have signed) espousing the virtues of bottle water including its vacuous nutrition information and the fact that donations of bottled water help victims of disasters.

It makes me feel dirty all over.  I wish they had a comment section where I could vomit everywhere.  But they don't seem to have any real user feedback method in place.  At least I can't figure it out.  Odd.  They do have contact information for the Competitive Enterprise Institute, a DC "think" tank obviously responsible for the repulsive content.

Basically they think that government regulation is unnecessary in the commercial market and consumers should buy whatever they want.  Sounds good until you remember that government regulation is generally meant to protect consumers from the kinds of corporations that fund CEI. 

They seem to take issue with publicly funded campaigns urging people to drink municipal tap water, but see no problem with corporations funding third parties to discourage the regulation of their industries.  Assholes.

Check Under Your Bed Tonight.

I'm not really sure why this picture just screams "Khaaan!" to me. I mean apparently Kirk wasn't even raising his arms when he screamed it in Wrath Of Kahn.

In fact the more I look at it I'm sure its a "Fuck you I'm an anteater" photo. Although maybe he's saying "Fuck you this is my good side".

Anyway, this dude is a Giant rat caught in China. We're talking 6 pounds with 12 inch tail and 1 inch teeth. A big creepy crawly. I bet he'd give a normal cat a run for his money.

I would not want to run into this dude in a dark alley, much less jump on top of it while others encircled it as this slightly insane Chinese man did. He then stuffed it in a sack and took it home. Yeah.

• Environmental Graffiti: Giant Rat Caught in China!

Now That's Entertainment.

A metrobus driver decided to take care of a little business during his run today. He apparently stopped the bus, walked off, and punched a McGruff character in the face. I'm not really sure what would provoke such an action. I mean, yeah I've seen people being mean to mascots, but they don't usually stop vehicles or take time off work to do so. Anyway the officer wearing the McGruff costume called in the assault and the perp got nabbed. He said it was to be funny, but I've got a feeling its cause he's off his nutt.

Note to self: people wearing McGruff suits are usually cops.

• Why Did a Metrobus Driver Punch McGruff the Crime Dog? - DCist: Washington DC News, Food, Arts & Events

Irk At Work.

Irk is an odd word. Roll it around in your mouth a little. Nice and succinct, but being so compact and quickly drawn, it seems to somewhat lack the punch I feel it deserves. Merriam-Webster says:

irk (ˈərk):to make weary, irritated, or bored.

I do not generally think 'wearied' or 'bored' when I think of 'irked'. Irritated, yes, but in a way that makes the bottom of your heart quiver a smidgen in your chest. Your lips may purse, but you are not moved to action. And its this lack of response that makes irking such a potent phenomenon. The thought rattles around in your head, landing in a pile and attaching to exact copies of itself from each past occurrence of the irk. There they jumble, with no outlet or exhaust. Perhaps one day they will grow into an annoyance to be acted upon, dealt with and resolved, but for now they are too trivial. They reside, waiting only for the next worthless addition. Dictionary.com says:

irk: to irritate, annoy, or exasperate.

Now we're on the right track. I like exasperate's tone. But just a small exasperation, one that does not quite qualify. I also envision an exasperation as somewhat of a surprise or shock. This was an unexpected occurrence, almost an unbelievable annoyance; whereas an irk is an almost frequent event, verging on routine. It has happened before, and in all likelihood, it will happen again. Soon. "Aggravate" is listed under the thesaurus.com definition which may be a better fit as far as future perfect concepts are concerned.

But there is a violence to that word that has no business in irk. Whether in transgression or response, 'aggravate' bears not just the threat of action, but the promise of aggression. Likewise with 'irritate', though less threatening, it seems to convey a distinctly physical meaning. Toes may be irritated by shoes, but never irked. Perhaps because irritations heal, whereas irks are never tended to. Irks remain abstract, locked in the psyche. Poked, prodded and irritated by a non-existent finger.

Maybe that's the problem, my adjectives are centered around touch or sound. Maybe irks are smells and tastes. 'Distaste' is good but too obvious, and too easily equated to 'dislike' which does not properly express depth. The overall sensation of an unpleasant lingering flavor may be close, but tastes are too easily avoided. An irk is perceived and produced in the same instant, there are no secondary symptoms to predict its arrival. 'Repugnance' seems like an olfactory irk, but again, it is too strong. Something repugnant would be avoided, even of one could not see it. I'm not very good at thinking with my nose or tongue, so this route may be personally limited.

I try to think ethereally and arrive with 'haunt'. That's nice. There is a good amount of futility in resistance, it is repetitive and incorporeal. But like the others I find problems with this synonym. A haunting thought may be the same one drifting around again and again, as opposed to instances of the same irksome object. A pile of deciduous leaves, mental disregard allows them to and clutter and rustle.

I know this may be a futile exercise, since the word for what I'm describing already exists and is, in fact, 'irk'. At least that's what it means to me, so hopefully now, if not before, you realize how much thought and contemplation have gone into the term. So when I tell you that something irks me, I want you to understand my full meaning.


It irks me when people are told to disregard an alarm for a blanket period of time. Case in point, my building routinely places signs on all entrances instructing occupants to disregard the fire alarm today as they are being tested, worked on, etc. In fact they have laminated the signage since this happens so frequently. Excuse me? Aren't the alarms there for a reason? What if there's a fire in the building? Oh, you'll just run around telling everyone there's a fire, good, great. Why isn't that the default system every day? It should be illegal to instruct people en mass to ignore public safety alarms for anything but a concise period. This happened at my conference last week as well. We initially evacuated the building after the lights flashed and a very loud and scary alarm sounded. Later after everyone was readmitted, we were instructed via Public Address to ignore any further alarms that day. I understand the likelyhood of an incident after a false alarm may be fairly low, but these devices are meant to stimulate a response. Much like car alarms, these false fire alarms (and non-evacuations) dilute emergency procedures and make people's first response to question the alarm's validity.

The System Is Down.

Now this is nice. I like more of an explanation than "the service was out; now its not" and the incident report gives a bit more detail. Although its a little vague about exactly what happened, you get the jist that they had a bug in their server load sharing algorithm, so when one was taken off-line for maintenance, too many people were redirected to another. The "multiple downstream overload conditions" sounds like a neat cascading system of propagating errors. But maybe I'm a big dork.

• Apps Status Dashboard

P.S. The System Is Down is a nice beat for all your lightswitch rave needs.

P.S.S. I totally didn't notice this outtage and I'm on the gmails like all effing day.

Spirited Away.

Wow, this reminds me of old-timey villians who kidnap orphans and make them work changing bobbins in textile factories.  Or maybe the camp counselors who have campers produce sweatshop knock-off handbags and sell them near urine strewn underpasses. 

Two PA judges are being charged with taking kick-backs for sending children to juvenile detention centers since 2003.  It seems these judges had a tendency to skip right over probation or leniency for first time offenders, and now their victims know why.  This kind of corruption makes me want to whack a big old fat-white-dude-in-a-suit piñata.  Wait; would that be an effigy, or does it have to be burned to constitute and effigy?

• Judges Plead Guilty in Scheme to Jail Youths for Profit - NYTimes.com