Spot Of Tea, You Jackass?

You are goddamn idiots. Pardon my french. First off, you've been talking about tea-bagging for the last two months with virtually no idea what you're saying. (aside from the testicle thing) The Boston Tea Party was a protest about taxation by a foreign government that afforded no representation to the populace. You are represented, we had elections, you just lost. So if you're unhappy with the way our government is spending tax money, you can write to your representative or wait till his term is up. But know that while there may be 10,000 of you that object, there's millions more that trust our elected public officials. So the entire symbol for your "movement" is wrong. Like Jon Stewart said "You're the minority now, its supposed to taste like a sh*t taco."

Furthermore, if you wanted to have the Boston Tea Party's effect, you would find some way to lower your taxable income. I'm guessing buying teabags to dump on the ground as part of a grass-roots protest doesn't qualify as a deduction. So you might just end up working less, giving away more or just not paying your taxes and accepting whatever consequences that entails. Oh, you're not that upset? Well eff off.

And the slate article points out that your political label is becoming quite outdated, especially as Democratic priorities are made forefront. "Protests by definition oppose the status quo, which conservatism is supposed to defend. Protesting for conservatism is, to borrow a phrase, like fucking for virginity." You're gonna have to think of something else to call yourselves soon, I'm thinking something along the lines of "goddamn idiots". I'll see you out there next month with your "I object to protesting" picket signs.

Next up, you object to "this administration's" wasteful government spending. Yeah, it sucks that all the damn banks collapsed and that they made so many bad loans for so long. But have you really forgotten about the last 8 years already? The hands off 'regulation' that allowed this to happen in the first place and the $700 billion Bush urged Congress to approve before he left office? And how much money that we didn't have was spent on a discretionary war? And the "pork filled budget" was your effing representatives trying to spend federal money in your districts. Creating jobs and paying Americans in tough times. Plus we get new roads, smart electrical grids and renewable energy out of the deal. How is rallying behind an expensive, unwinnable, unjust war 'patriotic' and re-investing in America with socially beneficial programs not? I guess I didn't get that memo.

After all of 4 months in office, you're so tired of the cleanup effort that you just can't keep silent any more? You're blaming the chemo instead of the cigarettes. In all honestly too many Americans have been playing with pretend money, up to our eyeballs in debt. It never really made sense to me, but I've always thought that you should be able to pay for what you buy. We (through the government) are finally paying for the reckless lending and spending that we've been taking part in for the past decade. That's the price of the new American Dream of "something for nothing". Maybe a new depression will jolt us back into the strangely coherent motto of "work hard and live happy" that made us a world power to begin with.

• Conservative protesters hold a "tea party" without any tea bags. - By Christopher Beam - Slate Magazine

Hey, You Suck.

So I got an email today from the Democratic Party about their plans to respond to Rush Limbaugh. Basically they're taking out an ad that says "you suck".

Last week, I asked if you had a message you'd like to send Rush Limbaugh. The response was overwhelming. We received tens of thousands of submissions, and we picked the top five:

• "Americans didn't vote for a Rush to failure"
  
• "Hope and change cannot be Rush'd"
  
• "Failure is not an option for America's future"
  
• "We can fix America, just don't Rush it"
  
• "Rush: Say yes to America"

Now, we're putting it up for a vote. Decide which slogan Rush will see in his home town.

The slogan with the most votes will be put on a billboard where Rush can't miss it.

Now, I did not submit an entry, but I'd like to throw out a couple more options that I feel would better express the sentiment we're after.

• "Rush should be neither seen nor heard."
• "Hey Rush, shut the fuck up."
• "Sorry Rush, we'd invite you in but the rotunda isn't big enough to fit your fat head. And we hate you."
  
• "Radio is for losers."
• "We took a vote. Rush, you're off the island."
• "We're considering legislation to rename this dude 'Douche-bag' Limbaugh."
  

How much does a billboard cost anyway?

In Barack Obama's America...

In Barack Obama's America there's no booing.
In Barack Obama's America sno-cones are free on weekends.
In Barack Obama's America pigeons poop rainbows and gold.Well that was crazy. I mean, it was really a spectacle like I'd imagined. Although, in retrospect, I hadn't really imagined it all that thoroughly. Two million people walking through the streets is something that I just had to experience before I could conceive. Its not just that there are streets filled with people. All the streets are filled. I've never thought of people as a liquid before. It is not some grand parade, everyone is going somewhere different. No one is really sure where though. Everyone is trying to beat the crowd and the crowd control. And every time you get to where you think the crowd won't be, its beaten you there.But don't let me make it sound competitive or angry. Everyone is smiling and happy. Everyone is helpful. Sort of. "Do you know where you're going?" "No idea!" was a common exchange. At one point a stalled crowd was swelling against a chain link and it gradually transitioned into shaking the fence. I could imagine the fence falling with a sigh and the surge of people into the empty construction area (not a security area, just a street rehab effort) But just then a woman yelled "Barack Obama wouldn't want you doing that" and they stopped. They behaved. They were not a mob, but a group of proud and jubilant people. He will be a better president for us, and we have to be better for him.
I don't think I've seen more law enforcement personnel in the entirety of my life. I also have an accurate image of what the world would be like if black towncars, suburbans and police cruisers and were the only automobiles. And they all had lights and sirens. We made it through the maze of bus barricades, closed entrances and the no-walk zone that city thoroughfare Pennsylvania Ave had become. We were on the mall, a feat whose feasibility I'd begun to doubt. As we climbed the hill of the Washington monument the east half of the mall stretched before us a sea of people. All waiting watching and drinking in the spectacle that we all were. We huddled like penguins against the wind, clapped like seals with our gloved hands and cheered like people who finally wintessed the fruits of their peaceful democracy.So here we go. A new era of hope and prosperity. Of compassionate and constitutional government. Of science and stewardship. I spose its also the end of me being able to complain willy-nilly about the ridiculous state of politics. This is the best thing I can imagine happening for our country and the world. But this is only the start. The next step is ourselves. The policies and practices will change and we will need to change too. Make this a better time to be an American. Lend a hand to your fellow people, and together we will make this a great nation to be proud of again.In Barack Obama's America people help each other instead of being left to help themselves.

Holy Moses.

Well, I dropped by my polling place this morning. Wow. That's quite a few people that'd like to cast a ballot. The red line below represents the salivating public about to get its vote on.Actually it wasn't a big deal at all to see since the poll is literally connected to my building. My plan was to head down and see if there was a long wait and head to work if there was. But I really didn't expect anything like this. There were people stacked up out the front of the NOAA building, through the green space, down the sidewalk, under the drive-up portico, down the length of my building and around the back. Adding insult to injury, the line did not appear to be moving in the slightest.

It can't be this bad all day, so I hopped back in the elevator and went down to the parking deck to get my car. The voters scuttled out of the way as I exited and proceeded to work. So the new plan is to call the concierge desk and ask how long the line is after everyone's lunch hour is over. I just can't rationalize standing in a line that long when I work 15 minutes away, have someone who can tell me if there's a line and live in a building that touches the poll.

Who knows maybe I'll end up standing in that line at 8:00 tonight because it doesn't get any shorter. But I doubt it.

Update:
Yeah, uhh... so at 3:13 there's absolutely no line at my polling place. I heard that a friend stood in that line for three hours this morning. Ouch. It took me just about 6 minutes to tally my vote, including the walk from my lobby. I also thoroughly enjoy that my front door is closer to the polls than electioneering materials. At least I didn't see any.

Politician

I think I'd feel better about the leadership of this country if our leaders' statements were swapped out for lines from movies and TV. Instead of

"If money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down." -George W Bush

Instead imagine fox news cutting to a clip of

"Shit just got real." -Martin Lawrence

It really conveys that he understands the gravity of the situation. And I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about the vacuous drivel coming out of a possible world leader

"Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today." -Sara Palin

...if it was complete and utter hilarity.

"Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot. What? Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The Democratic vote is the right thing to do Philadelphia, so do." - Dennis Reynolds

Update

Holy Crap. I don't mean to harp on this (well maybe I do) but this person isn't fit to run a Jamba Juice stand.

• Palin: Her Own Parody
  

At around 4:45 in this video Katie talks about the current administration's penchant for "nation building" and asks how Sara would change or improve the strategy.

Katie: "How, specifically, will you spread democracy throughout the world?"

Retarted Gameshow Contestant: "Specifically we will make every effort possible to help spread democracy for those who desire freedom, independence tolerance, respect for equality; that is the whole goal here..."

I'm sorry this isn't the final round of Family Feud and the category wasn't 

"concepts that make your tummy feel warm."  Using the word "specific" does not magically make your answer specific.  That would entail not using vague declarations someone beat into your head 15 minutes ago.  Lets see if I can trim this down to just the facts.  "How will you spread democracy?" "Effort."  Which immediately brings to mind the poster on my wall:

"When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do."

 McCain's inclusion of Palin on the ticket makes the entire campaign unqualified, dangerous and unelectable.

Holy Crap.

This is the kinda shit that keeps me up at night. No, not polishing my rifle in the dark, warily eying the door as if it were a gun restriction legislator. I mostly worry that the GOP will be able to trick enough demographics into treating this election like a single issue race.

"Probably never even been hunting a day in his life" "Defend freedom; Defeat Obama."

Really? Electing Obama will somehow dissolve the 2nd amendment? I'm pretty sure its the other party that deserves a reputation for basically ignoring our constitution. Still, how many people will ignore all the policies, decisions, and practices that are bad for the country, bad for themselves and bad for our world, to vote on a single token issue?

And I don't mean to suggest that gun-rights aren't important; there are just quite a lot of issues at play here. Sometimes I really wonder how all these folks got packaged up as the traditional GOP base. I mean, all the rich dudes make sense, huge contracts and do-whatever-the-fuck-you-want economic plans make it easier to scam serious cash. Nevermind, who's being scammed from. And then you have the rural gun lobby who may also like the "less government" approach to their issue. But the war hawks seem to have no problem growing the military and raining down terror overseas; all the while courting the religious and 'family values' aspect. Yeah, I guess if 'religious' means intollerant of other beliefs, and not actually so keen to contemplate your own. I'm sorry, what does Christianity say about extreme wealth and helping the less fortunate?

Mostly I guess I need to have faith that the American public can see through all this bullshit, spin and the lies upon lies upon lies. But I did that in 2004, thus my worries.

I look at Barack Obama and I see a man who wants to change this country, and the world, for the better. And I think he has a good shot at it. In McCain I only see a man who wants to beat Obama.

• http://www.gunbanobama.com/default.aspx?NavGuid=5b2961fd-7987-4cbf-9555-388b8fe4fb8c&ID=1284273&ArchiveGuid=430d7335-d158-44f5-aab6-bb7d1226f3fa

Baby, I've Changed.

Its almost like we've got a three party system going on here. Its the Democrats vs. the Republicans vs. the Republicans. Nevermind that the two types of Republicans are nearly indistinguishable from the lame-duck to the next duck in line. The latter Republicans have decided that its time for a change, stating that "Washington isn't working". Well maybe you should get your asses back there and punch the time clock while you're still allowed in the building. But despite the new stream of rhetoric about change and fixing "things" no one seems to be able to say what the New Grand Old Party would do differently from the current one, apart from understand less about the needs of people who don't have summer homes. Here are a few of the "changes" I noticed on McCain's site that we can we can look forward to:

• Magically reducing gas prices (he must have that wand George lost), continuing tax cuts for the wealthy and various other tax breaks that reduce revenue without explaining how to make up the difference.
  
• Fighting climate change by producing more power, domestically drilling for oil (growing our own opium) or burning coal and crops. Rewarding oil companies to keep gouging us and paying little
  attention to technologies that would ease their strangle hold and
  actually reduce global warming.
  
• More war; somehow increasing the size of the military despite it being underfunded and over-deployed as it is.
  
• Free range, sink or swim health care.
  
• Population increases through abstinence-only education and overturning Roe v. Wade; reducing our dependence on foreign adoptions. (domestically drilling for babies)
  
• Protecting people's rights by outlawing same-sex marriages. (not sure I follow)
  
• Protecting children from the dark side of the Internet... somehow.
  
• Protecting human dignity. (no torture, maybe?)
• Ensure that everyone keeps a trigger lock on their armor piercing high capacity magazine assault rifles.
• Provide high-speed Internet to all Americans (even you John?) by allowing local communities to build connections if the local telcom monopoly has waived its right of first refusal.
  

Its kinda like McCain is the boyfriend who did something stupid and
noticed that his lady is really pissed off. He wants to make it right,
but doesn't know what's wrong, and not if it means making real changes. The
classic "I'm not going to tell you if you don't already know." Lets
hope he doesn't show up tonight with wilted carnations and a 6-pack of condoms.

• Editorial - John McCain Runs Against Themselves - Editorial - NYTimes.com

Well, If The TV Says So...

I do like things that criticize Bush. The only way to get Americans educated about the travesties we are perpetrating is to buy commercial time during American Idol and Extremely Depressing Family Help Out Show. Of course, having credible testimonies would help out too, and two retired army major generals would probably do just that. We need more people questioning the authority that is backing us into a corner day after day.

• Ads to Criticize Bush on Iraq War: News from The Associated Press

Send Grandma Up The River.

That means 'to jail', right? The new anti-gambling frenzy the US has taken lately is fairly bizarre. They're taking to jailing anyone even associated with online gambling. Well watch out cause they've got one high profile bar matron in custody for running a $50 superbowl pool. Yeah that's right, a 73 year old great-grandmother could face a year in the slammer for something that pretty much everyone in your office did. We've got to make an example out of her though, otherwise people might start thinking that gambling is reasonable.

• TechDirt: Operator Of World's Smallest Gambling Ring Faces Jailtime

I Bet Crude Oil Tastes Great!

Ethanol gets me so riled up. I mean, sure its a great way to stop using foreign oil and prop up the sagging farm industry. You know, aside from its general inefficiency, its failure to address the Neanderthalic burning-stuff-for-power lack of innovation, and the destruction of a perfectly useful commodity. People have been taking it up lately because that's a great way to impress the middle of the country. You know that same, unimproved commodity you're been growing all your life? Well turns out that it just got 7 times more expensive! Bullshit.

You want to grow power? Plant a field full of photo voltaic cells that do a much better job of harnessing sunlight and turning it into usable fuel. And I won't need to subsidize you cause it won't be ridiculously expensive to turn a mild profit.

Sorry I finally got around to watching "Who Killed the Electric Car" so I'm very angry about inferior alternatives being pushed out because they may benefit a small subset of people for a short time. These hydrogen and ethanol technologies that are the "salvation of the energy dependence" completely fail to address the issue of environmental efficacy. Electric cars have been around since the beginning of cars, but we've been distracted all this time by a better advertised, but less effective, alternative. Don't get suckered in again. Don't buy an "efficient" 42mpg hybrid, don't wait around 5 years for a "where the hell will the fuel come from, oh its expensive and inefficient to create" hydrogen drive vehicle. There are gigawatts of electricity out there in wind, sunlight, and waves just waiting to be harvested. And electric cars the possess durability and performance to make use of that free power NOW, without the need to throw billions into "future research".

So next time you feel pressured to use one of these "new innovations" in fuel, reply that you're more temped to crack open a can of 10W-30 instead of Gatorade at the gym.

• Ethanol in America: "Our Crop. Our Fuel. Our Country." (TreeHugger)
• Checkbiotech.org: Ethanol's corn-fed boom holds hidden costs: higher food prices

Feck you.

Yeah, I've got shit to talk about, did it ever occur to you that I've got better shit to do? Well It appears I don't at 12:18 in the morning, so here we go:

Uh... underground highways, aren't you guys about 50 years too late? I mean, sure I've had visions of the interstate system in a huge tube, no animals in, no emissions out, but that's just silly. Building highways underground at this point looks to be little better than putting walls around freeways. Those retaining walls hold less noise than a three fingered beggar holds ball bearings.

• Tree Hugger: Time to build highways undergound?

Why Would I Watch The News?

I can just make up random facts to believe on my own. Did you know that stars are actually chunks of hot meteor orbiting around the Earth? See? It wasn't that hard.

Isn't there some kind of punishment for false inflammatory statements meant to injure the reputation of an individual or group? I mean, I know that Fox News isn't responsible for repeating the completely slanderous information about Barack Obama, they're just ridiculously negligent and will never be taken seriously again. But someone at Insight Magazine needs to go down hard. Moreover, good for Obama for not taking that crap. Click through to read the statement released about douche bags in the media.

• Horses Mouth: Obama Takes On Fox News
  

Back On The Horse.

If at first you don't succeed... Find a new buncha chumps to go hunting with. Cheney is armed and frivolous, heading to a small town near Pittsburgh for a little "pheasant" hunting. Silly VP, don't you know that you have to go to a remote island in the south seas to hunt the most dangerous game? Somehow I usually imagine him walking around the field with a tophat and umbrella gun.

• News from The Associated Press

Bush Really Buckles Down.

President Bush worked nearly three hours at his Texas ranch on Thursday to design a new U.S. policy in Iraq, then emerged to say that he and his advisers need more time to craft the plan he'll announce in the new year.

Dammit people, I've spent over three hours thinking about this already and I just can't come up with anything. Will you get off my ass? I mean, ideas can't just be thought up. You've gotta wait for them to come to you. Tidy up your desk. Organize your pens. Play a little solitaire. I'm sure by mid-May there'll be a dynamite plan just waiting in my inbox. Man, my brain hurts. Does anyone else smell burning? Maybe I'll declare a holiday so I don't have to go back to work on Tuesday...

• Bush Taking More Time to Craft Iraq Plan - Forbes.com

I Thought You Were "The Decider"

Ok, lots of sources have reviewed the old "stay the course" strategy, and it ain't working. So Bush can't say he's going to stay the course. But he refuses to choose a plan that would lead to defeat. You know things like "leaving before the job is done". He wants to pick the best course of action and won't be "rushed into making a difficult decision, a necessary decision." Can someone tell me how refusing to choose a new plan of action is different than "stay the course"? We're back to the logic loops of 'the troops come home when the job is done' 'the job is not to lose' and 'as long as we don't leave we won't lose'.

Except now its 'we can't win with stay the course' 'I refuse to choose a losing plan' 'all plans that involve leaving before we win are losing plans'

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Bush defends Iraq strategy delay

Daily Placebo: Friday Frenzy.

Well damn, here it is Friday afternoon and I haven't gotten to a single post today. I hate that feeling of being behind and putting it off till Monday so what do you say? Can I just cram all this stuff into one long unrelated post with no thought to consistency or quality? Can I write bland descriptions with no bite, no sarcasm and no witty repartee? I'd like to think I can do anything I put my mind to, so here goes.

Holy crap! A president giving himself and all his friends a pay cut in a effort to make government spending more accountable and transparent. Can we let this guy fill in for the rest of Bush's term?

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Mexican president takes pay cut

I love Tesla Motors so bad and not just cause they're making electric Elises. They're gonna license their battery tech to other companies, which is awesome. It will get the market rolling on EV rather than having competitors languishing trying to make a non-exploding battery.

• Tesla Motors' looking to license Roadster's battery technology - Engadget

Bush thinks there are monsters in the closet. And democrats in the Congress. He's right about one and letting *gasp* big polluters get nailed to the wall like they should.

• EPA drops plan to ease pollution rules - Yahoo! News

Laser weapons are coming! Well they're still a ways off, but still. They're increasing in power and that mythical beast of a 100 kw laser can't be far off. Just think we'll finally be able to have space wars like in Moonraker. Too bad we won't have a courageous leader to get us stuck in a Martian occupation for 35 years.

• Defense Tech: Lasers Blowing Up

You're an ambulance driver. You were making a 12 mile trip. You had GPS. You drove 200 miles the wrong way because the machine told you to. There will be no robot uprising, they're just going to kill off idiots with slight misinformation.

• Techdirt: Turn On GPS, Turn Off Brain

North Korea stole our ship. I think we should get it back. Honestly, I'm no history buff, but I'm shocked about the events I had no idea happened.

• Damn Interesting » The Seizing of the Pueblo

Wait, nix that thing about Bush not being able to get us caught up in an unethical occupational war on Mars. He's already got the ball rolling. NASA has its plans for a permanent base on the moon. Which makes perfect sense. Where are we going to take and illegally detain and torture all the captured combatants?

• NASA planning to set up shop on the moon in 2024 - Engadget

Kite sail ahoy. You poofters all thought I was crazy when I first blogged about this, but its here. Tankers supplemented by big-ass kites. Never doubt me.

• Hugg / Picture Of Kite Sail In Action!

The UK gets it. They've got the congestion charge to help reduce traffic in the city. But wait there's more! The fee is waived for users of EVs plus they're installing free stations so you car can charge while you're parked. Oh and they're increasing the congestion tax for SUVs. Sweet.

• Treehugger: Free Charge-Up for Electric Cars

I Live On Semantics.

Yeah, I'm probably not gonna sign up for this any time soon. A man in Paraguay was crucified in a demonstration to release someone or another. Like voluntarily. I thought it was just those crazy South Americans till I read a little more. Apparently lots of people have themselves crucified for various reasons. Nutbags.

Now I don't mean to split hairs, its just something that happens. But is it technically crucifiction if you don't die from it? I mean its defined as a type of execution where "The victim was tied or nailed to a large wooden cross and left to hang there until dead." Left until dead. So these demonstrators aren't actually being crucified, right? They're being nailed some wood for a while.

I'm sure its still very painful, its just not an execution. Can people self-immolate without dying? If you ask me calling the act and the near act the same thing cheapens their concepts.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Paraguay man crucified in public

This Shit Is Broke... You Wanna Buy It?

Well we had that election, and despite all my pissing and moaning nothing too terrible happened. Either that or the hackers have similar political views to myself. Anyway with all that suffraging out of the way, now states can start deciding what debacles will plague the next set of elections. Take Florida for instance. They lost a bunch of votes and have decided that they need new e-voting equipment. Good observations guys. And how do you go about remidying the situation? Go ask the company that screwed up your last machines for a quote? That's an interesting way to do it. I guess maybe they've learned from their mistakes and have more experience than some other company, but I feel like I wouldn't rehire a babysitter that lost one of my kids.

That's not the funny part though. Florida intends to help pay the $4.1 million replacement cost by selling off its old machines. The old machines that didn't work. The old machines they are so inclined to get rid of after a single use. The old machines that don't actually count votes. The election supervisor even went so far as to list off the places he thinks are dim enough to buy the irregular goods. "Just because there is some controversy over the touch-screen machines here, doesn't mean places like Georgia, Alabama, Washington, D.C., or Michigan won't want them." Hmmm... maybe that's true, but when I'm looking at a used car I usually ask "So how come you're getting rid of it? Oh, because it only has a picture of an engine under the hood... I'll get back to you."

• Techdirt: Florida County Hoping Other States Will Buy Its Broken E-Voting Machines

A Tax Even The President Can Understand.

Bush visits Estonia, avoids making 'stoned' joke. He was also quite taken with the flat tax they have there, referencing it three times in a few hours. Transparent and simple must really appeal to him. Or maybe that was the one thing from Wikipedia he could remember about Estonia. At least he didn't pull a Das Bus:

'The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, maize. Another famous Indian was Crazy Horse. In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.'

Of course one has to wonder, why bother taxing the populous when you have no intention of meeting a budget? Can't I keep my taxes and you'll just get the entire federal budget from that magical place that's keeping us afloat now? And then we'll all reduce our dependency on foreign oil by riding rainbows to work.

• News from The Associated Press-Bush Touts Estonia's Flat Income Tax

Bush Comprehends Binary Relationships.

"We'll succeed... unless we quit."

That's the kind of wisdom you only get from ruling the world for six years. When asked if our loss in Vietnam held lessons, the potentate replied:

"We tend to want there to be instant success in the world, and the task in Iraq is going to take a while."

Huh, I thought we learned a different lesson in Vietnam.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Bush reflects on 'Vietnam lesson'