'Look Mom, I Can Cook' Edition.

So I went to this place called a "grocery store" and they had all kinds of things that one might use to make a "meal".  I think they were called "ingredients".  But don't quote me on that.  I'd actually gone to get items for a pasta salad, but ended up with a few more items.  When I got home I figured I had the makings for Dijon chicken over rosemary rice and roasted vegetables.

You want the recipe?  Well tough.  I don't use recipes; I throw things into cooking devices.  So you might try and replicate this by throwing two (completely frozen) boneless, skinless chicken breasts into a pan.  Pour on some mustard and olive oil toss it into an oven at 400 degrees and set a timer for 40 minutes.  Put a cup of rice and two cups of water in a pot to boil.  Throw in some rosemary.  When it boils reduce the heat and put a top on it for 20 minutes.  Do not lift the lid to 'check' on it.  The rice will be fine without you.

Now then, I really wanted to make some macaroni salad, so I started chopping up all the vegetables and whatnot, but realized I had way more than I could fit into the two biggest bowls I had.  So throw some chopped peppers and tomatoes into your chicken pan with about 25 minutes to go.  Swirl some olive oil on there and get back to your salad.  Mix the veggies and whatnot up in a bowl.  (or two)  I used regular mayo cause it was already open and it turns out the lite mayo-like substance I got actually has more sodium.  Screw that noise.  Maybe some black pepper, rosemary cause its already out, horseradish sauce to taste.  Yeah, this would probably be a little more delicious with some salt, but that's not the point, jackass.  

It tastes plently good as it is, so shut your tuna-macaroni-salad hole.  Slop the mess into gladware containers and bam!  Lunches for the week.  And, oh, look at that magic.  Your dinner is piping hot and ready to go.  Of course the best thing about cooking dinner is that I don't have to do it again for a few days, because I always make too much.Bonus kitchen tip:  Make sure you have something tasty like fudgesicles in stock if you insist on drinking milk from the carton without checking the expiration date.  Trust me.

Where'd I Leave My Heart Medicine?

Yep, looks like all those reports of beer being healthy just got another boost, and the black gold in particular. A study finds that a pint of Guinness a day helps prevent blood clots and heart attacks as well as aspirin. Lagers do not afford the same benefits. Researchers believe that Guinness contains antioxidant compounds much like healthy fruits and vegetables. Guinness' first study in 1920 consisted of asking people "do you feel good" after a pint, which resulted in the "Guinness is good for you" slogan. Cause honestly, who doesn't feel good after a beer? But some kill-joy told them they couldn't maintain that claim and they abandoned the health aspect. So its taken 80 years and we're full circle, drink up mates, its heart healthy again.

• BBC Health: Guinness Is Good For You

Can't Keep A Good Liver Down.

The liver is the earthworm of human organs.  Slice it in two and it'll grow into two livers that work as well as the first.  Well, you've got to start off with a very healthy liver in the first place, and you've gotta make a transplant to give the thing somewhere to live, but its still pretty cool.  I'd never heard of split liver transplants till I read this story from the AP.  A 21 year-old in dire need of a liver transplant allowed surgeons to carve off a chunk of the liver she'd waited months for so they could give it to an ailing baby girl.  Its not very common, only 2 or 3 percent of the 6,000 liver transplants are split each year.  While it does take an act of selflessness on the sharer's part, surgeons could be splitting up to 1,000 healthy donated livers, giving more people a chance at making it and reducing the waiting list.  The trouble is coordinating efforts, proximity of patients, and of course broaching the subject of implanting partial organs.  I'd like to think my liver would be fit for splitting, I mean I've been exercising it pretty rigorously since I was 21, so he's gotta be in great shape.

• AP: 2-for-1 liver transplant saves two

The Easiest Way To Stop Smoking.

Blunt head trauma. What if you just forgot that you ever smoked in the first place? Or that you had an addiction, a dog, or a family... Admittedly whacking people on the noggin isn't probably the best treatment, and the article starts off with stroke as the catalyst. But studies show that damaging parts of the brain can help people forget to be addicted to cigaretttes *poof* overnight. "The researchers found that damage to the insula – a brain region that promotes conscious feelings of hunger, pain and cravings – allowed some heavy smokers to quit with ease." Sounds great, a world with no hunger, no pain, no cigarettes. How do you give strokes to people on purpose?

• Brain damage can erase cigarette addiction - health - 25 January 2007 - New Scientist

Men:Stupid::Water:Wet

Ouch. And all these years I thought I was a better driver than the blinder wearing cattle I pass on the freeway. Apparently not, according to a study that declares women better drivers. Jalopnik, of course, denotes that while the difference is obvious to us, the press doesn't do a good job distinguishing "skill" from "safe". So of course I still think I'm a better driver even though I'm 77% more likely to die in a freeway collision than Ms. No-look-lane-change-Excursion. (huh, I woulda thought my car type alone puts the odds against me more than that) And of course the old explanation is that men are more likely to do stupid things which Jalopnik commented "is sort of like announcing that water is wet."

I don't need to go dig up one of those studies that examines risk taking behavior do I? You remember all about how they're displays of strength and daring designed to gain the attention and respect of our PEERS and womenfolk. Its hardwired. Now, don't get highway deaths all mixed up with this risk taking behavior excuse, cause that's not the cause in the highest fatality group. Old women are less able to survive the crashes they create. So they take the title followed closely by males aged 16-23 years who obviously are taking risks.

But I have trouble taking the findings here seriously. I mean, they concluded that the safest time to be on the road (based on deaths per mile) is during morning rush hour. No crap. Its safer in a parking lot than on a highway; but I want to be on a highway. I'd like to see this study redone with average travel time factored in. I mean, sure women may be safer drivers, but I bet we'd all be safer drivers if we were pedestrians. Lets not forget that while some chick may just be bobbing her head to Melissa Ethridge while we're parked in traffic, I'm being killed by the stress and inefficiency.

But lets be serious. The point of cars is not safety. They are inherently unsafe devices. The point is to increase our mobility and reduce our travel time. We need to live in the boondocks and drive 40 miles to work every day and we've accepted that 43,000 people need to die every year to achieve this goal.

• Original Article

• Jalopnik: Study kicks men in the goin

Your Dog Is So Fat, When He Sits Around The House...

Only we have such a surplus of unnecessary social and health issues that we're forcing them on our animals.  That's right, our dogs are so obese that the FDA has just approved the first Doggy Weight-loss drug.  Well, not all dogs, only 5% of them.  But that's still 62 million canines that are needlessly pudgy.  You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that belong to "people [that] take their dog to the fast food joint or drive-through for an ice cream cone or hamburger."  I'm imagining that these puppies don't exactly get a lot of exercise either.

Pfizer isn't really sure how the drug works at this point, even after testing it on 500 fat dogs.  But they want to make sure people understand that its only for dogs, not cats or people.  "The most common side effect of the drug is vomiting – others include diarrhoea and lethargy."  Uh, yeah I bet I'd lose weight too if I was on a drug that made me puke and shit all over the place.  You guys need me to explain how that works?

• New Scientist: US approves obesity drug for dogs

You're Sposed To Suck At Golf.

This is a pretty interesting article about muscle memory. You know that the more you practice an action, the better you get at it, right? Well, kinda. You actually aren't performing the same motion, its close, but there are small variations. Our heads are packed full of analog transistors that suck at replication and precision. Animals are generalizers, built to adapt to a variety of situations, not repeat the exact same motions over and over. So maybe that's why sports linke golf are popular. If the golf swing was easily reproducble it wouldn't be challenging. And after all its all about overcoming adversity.

• New Scientist: Practice may not make perfect.

Holy Crap, This Guy Is Clinically Dead.

Clinical death occurs when the heartbeat and breathing have stopped. Since regular breathing is impossible when the heart is stopped, clinical death is synonymous with cardiac arrest or cardiac death.

So you've probably taken some kind of CPR course where they make you check a dummy for pulse and breathing. If there's no thump thump, you're sposed to violently bang on his chest until you are relieved by a more competent person or the patient physically stops you.

Well toss that out cause we're going all Frankenstein. A patient in Canada has had a device installed that constantly circulates the blood in his body. That's night, no heart, no pulse, no blood pressure. This is the guy, along with the kitchen sink part he's got strapped in his chest. Wild stuff. I mean, I don't like to think about RFID chips under my skin, so this is definitely creeping me out.

• Bodyhack