Musical Dealers.

So I took my car in to the dealer yesterday like a chump. But hey, this is the first dime I've actually given to them so all those free rental cars and carwashes finally paid off. I figure one good Acura check-up now that my car is out of warranty might be judicious. Then I won't feel quite so neglectful when I never take him back for actual service.

Anyway, I roll up at 7 and the Acura signs are all gone and there's a buncha Nissans in the lot. Doesn't seem promising and no one mentioned that they'd turned into a Nissan dealer when I'd made my appointment. Odd, but then I noticed a sheet of paper taped to the door that said Acura had moved down the street. Okayyy...

So I drop off my car at this obviously not new building that has Acura signs draped on it. Odd. But my curiosity is well satiated by street view which shows this location as a Chevy / Oldsmobile. Ohh... sssssoooory! That might be a bit of a sore spot, huh? Although I can't find anything about Chevy Chase Chevrolet actually closing, there's no web site about them and they're definitely not in this building any more.

Anyone know if this is standard operating procedure for dealers? Moving locations trivial distances with no warning? I guess the new building is bigger but it seems like a lot of overhead. Also the old place looked like somewhere you might go to buy a car. This storefront looks like an old department store that accidentally got a shipment of cars instead of mannequins.

You're So Old.

Yo dog, apparently I'm not cool enough chastising the intertubes by calling them intertubes anymore.  There's a meme a week; nay a  meme a day to catch up on.  This must be exactly what happened to your grandparents.  They got excruciatingly tired of keeping up with the meaningless minutea on the twitter and lapsed into old age.  so while this Jalopnik explainer might be extremely useful, it should also be depressing.  Because nomatter how with the times you though you were, you're not.  You can't help but lag behind.  And if you're not, you need to get a life, or at least something to do between 1 and 4.   7-11 might be hiring?

• Jalopnik- yo dawg i herd you- explainer
  

Second Impressions.

Last year I got a loaner TL from Acura when I took my car to the dealer for some work. It was nice, but not, like, amazing. Today I got an 09 TL, and let me say, that car is a little sick. I wasn't too sure about the wireless key whatchamadeally at first, but now I'm pretty sure I like just walking over to the car, opening the door and pressing the go button. (it adjusts the seat to the key id's preferences too) The back-up camera is a little bit of over-kill, but I could see it being useful in certain situations. But it does tilt the side mirrors for reversing, which I love. The nav system is pretty sweet too, once you figure out the basics, and live traffic updates is awesome. I usually have to get out my phone for that noise. But best of all for this weather is the traction control that keeps the wheels from spinning when I lay down the I-don't-know-how-many horsepower all over the slushy blacktop. There's also a little light that blinks when I go around corners really quickly too, but I can't see what it says, I'm busy looking elsewhere. I still love my car, but quite honestly this car is way nicer and I'll miss a couple things when its gone. Too bad they don't make it in a two door on a civic-like platform. I just don't need this much car.

TL AI.

What? You're not gonna park yourself? I see you looking out the back, sizing up the situation. You're in reverse, idling in the right direction. What? You can't turn the wheel a few degrees. Come on TL, I thought you were a fancy driving machine and you can't even get it together enough to back into a spot. You've got little flashing light and power control protocols that spring into action when you're sliding sideways, or when your go pedal is pressed too hard on slick surfaces. You're trying to tell me you can't handle this one, tiny, last task? Pff. I don't even know why you have a fancy key that's not a key and uber complicated voice activated menus that you repeat to me in a nauseatingly accentless drone. Oh, fine. I'll goose the gas and match up the lines. Actually I think I've played this video game before. Atari? Virtual boy? Something...

Now I KNOW.

Okay, so a couple weeks ago I got pseudo rear-ended whilst on my way to return merchandise to the local Best Buy. (this is not an endorsement of Best Buy, in fact, tally that up on your list of reasons why retail is for suckers.) It was the old triple car bumper brawl where one person hits another and the hitee drifts forward like a jackass and crunches my tail as I gaze fixedly at the mirror in disbelief. Anyway, it wasn't very serious, but the bottom of my bumper was cracked thusly:

Do you see it? That line near the light part? Well, there's also some spider cracking of the paint in there too. The kinda thing that would have pissed me off every time I walked past the back of my car. If it'd been the civic I might have been less of a stickler about it. But I like my car and since I was just sitting there, and completely not at fault, I wanted them to fix it; damn it. So I jumped through all the insurance company loops. Talked to adjuster after adjuster; gave no less than 4 recorded statements; drove to my insurance company's office to have an estimate written. After an excruciatingly long period (of about 6 days) they all finally agreed that I shouldn't have to pay for the repairs. Booyah; I drop the RSX off at the body shop they specified and was shuttled to the Enterprise to take possession of this behemoth.
It was this or a white panel van. Seriously, that's all they had on the lot. Whatever, I was just glad I wasn't paying for a rental or taking the bus. I drive a small car with a tight suspension; this durango was absolutely cavernous and handled like a uhaul truck. Maybe I should have gone with the van. So after a week of walking in a soccer mom's shoes I think I'm in a better position to make this statement. SUVs suck. There is no reason for someone who drives on roads to haul around that much metal. I mean, yeah, it took speed bumps like a champion, but at what cost?

I didn't actually keep track of the mileage I got, but I have to assume it wasn't great. Here's the fuelly page for durangos, and while the 2007's may end up getting better mileage than previous years (there aren't any recorded fuel-ups for 07s) I'm gonna guess its not all that much better than an 18 average. Luckily I got to fill it up with that cheap crap fuel I haven't bought since 2007, so the 17 gallon half-tank was about on par with my usual full-tank price.

Whatever, I know, and you know, that SUVs get terrible gas mileage as a natural result of weighing a ton* more than my car. (*actually only 1829 pounds more.) What I really learned from this week was more about how an SUV drives. I actually got fairly comfortable maneuvering in close quarters. The turn radius was reasonable and the side mirrors were like full-length hallway mirrors. So when you see someone floundering in a parking lot, making 15-point turns or parking in two spaces, that person has either had their SUV fewer than three days or they are a terrible driver. No, the real concern to me was the transmission. I know its been a while since I drove an automatic, but I distinctly remember that when you let off the gas pedal the car begins to decelerate. This is not the case with the durango. At highway speeds removing my foot from the accelerator completely had virtually no effect for about a half mile. I'm not sure if this is a result of the engine's idle speed or the vehicle's mass, but I find it completely unacceptable.

In fact, in most cases, if I wanted to stop accelerating I had to tap the brake pedal. I'm not sure if I've ever decried over-use of brakes on the highway here, but I believe it to be the cause of numerous collisions and at best billions in wasted fuel and time. Although now I somewhat understand the phenomenon. These goram cars won't slow down without braking! Ridiculous. Now more than ever I think we should push to require tail-lights to be analog.

Anyway, I just figured I share my findings. There is a reason SUVs needlessly brake so much, although I'd rather we got rid of them than fix the problem.

Update
damn i love my car.

Back The Eff Up.

Okay, so this is another little PSA for some of the people I've seen out there who just kinda suck at life.  I know there are quite a few of you, so if I haven't made it around to addressing the particular aspect at which you suck, please bare with me.  I've got a lot on my plate.

Please excuse the crudity of this model, I didn't have time to build it to scale or to paint it.

So when you're driving a car you want to make sure that you've properly positioned yourself.  A common mistake is to rest your chin on the steering wheel as you adjust the seat, however this is not proper procedure.  Also note that, with your back against the seat, you should not be able to place both you hands and elbows on the steering wheel.

Note Shortround here.  Obviously too close to the steering wheel, as evidenced by the number of crates, boxes, rickshaws, and other items he smashes into on the way to the airport.  In fact when you crash (because with the way you drive it is an inevitability) you're gonna want to be as far away from that air bag as possible.  So please, get a phone book, tie blocks to your feet, whatever you have to do.  Remember... coordination and dexterity start with planning and preparation.  Now you know, and knowing is half of not being a jackass.

Replaintenance.

Well, I finally figured out why my tire sucked at holding air. Apparently there was a nail in the middle of it. Who knew tires and nails don't mix? I guess I'm gonna have to find a new place to keep my hot-dipped zinc coated box nails. Anyways, a little inter-clicking showed that my OEM tires, while fairly good, are ridiculously expensive. A few people also commented on their affinity for squealing even under proper inflation; which makes me feel better about all the noise I've been making around corners. So I decided not to drop a grand on the same ones, opting instead for a set of Eagle GT's. Don't adjust your screen, they're asymmetrical. I think I like them; they haven't made a peep yet.

Show A Little Respect.

Check out the new Bond hottness. (No, not that hottness, the other kind.)

Which is, ironically enough, the old Bond hottness. No, I'm not talking about back in the day when Connery rolled in an Aston Martin. (Yes, it is a nod to the days of yore. But technically Connery had a DB5, and the DBS was Lazenby. Stop distracting me, that's not what I'm talking about.)

The car in the upcoming Bond film will be the same one as in Casino Royale. How about this time you do something with it other than shock 007 into coherence and then crash it in a field? Hell, I can crash a bicycle in a field. (The only thing impressive about that stunt was the difficulty they had in flipping the DBS over. They ended up driving it over a jump and using an air ram to spin it. So while that's technically an after market Bond gadget, I'm not sure 'the ability to crash' is an upgrade I'd shell out for.)

So, note to producers:
Actually drive the car somewhere. Don't just smash it immediately for shock value. If you need to, rent Ronin. They've got a pretty badass chase scene in there. I'm not saying it can't crash up; but come on, let the stud stretch its legs before you take it to the glue factory.

• Meet the New Bond Car: The Aston Martin DBS

Slapsgiving

Don't you wish sometimes that your blog would just post things automatically? I just checked the DP and oddly enough there was nothing new since the last time I posted. Creepy, I know. Hmmm... what happened.

Oh, right, I washed my car with that stuff. It worked pretty well too. Well at least the rags I was using got nice and filthy and my car was shiney for a few days. One downside I can think of immediately is that I get nice and close. So I see all the nicks scuffs and scratches I really wish weren't there. I'm sorry, car, for keeping you in the city. But you do look perdy, if its any consolation.

Like, Thanksgiving And Stuff?

Well shucks. It appears to be November and I still have post stubs going back all the way to September. Lets see what we can do about that; DP style.

<-- Maybe this is why I'm psyched to see wind turbines on the horizon. I think they're pretty.

• EcoGeek: energy plant

This little future-Civic looks pretty kickass. Slap a type R badge on the back and stick a diesel under the hood and its really something to get excited about. Honda is bringing the diesel; its gonna rock; just bide your time.

• Jalponik: Type R to burn oil

Nice little tip here: cotton balls soaked in petroleum, once lit, will burn through pretty much anything. I'm gonna start carrying cotton balls and steel wool in one pocket with Vaseline and 6 volt batteries in the other.

• Lifehacker: Start a fire in the rain

We're gonna need a term for faster than fast as balls. Remember the concord? Childs' play. Forget twice the speed of sound, when you're in a hurry you need mach 5. Maybe a little faster. That's what the EU is hoping to get out of the A2; fueled by hydrogen and liquid oxygen. Looks like we keep finding reasons to love hydrogen. Now if we could just figure out how to make an ass-load of it.

• Register: Hypersonic hydrogen airliner

Yeah, you can find good stuff in the trash. Especially if you know a little something about art, apparently. Although I gotta believe if you're lookin for large cash settlements, your chances are a little better playing the lottery or jumping in front of limos.

• Treehugger: Dumpster diver finds $1m

Maybe its just cause my windows transfer more heat than a Central American arms merchant, but I'm totally in love with these windows. They have three, count em, three highly insulating panes. The center of which has a heat reflective surface like a one way valve. So in the summer you can keep heat out, but flip the frame during winter to keep heat in.

• EcoGeek: Better Windows

I know that anesthesiologists are generally very good and people normally don't wake up in the middle of surgery; but if I opened my eyes and saw a couple of surgeons standing over me with a bottle of hot sauce I would FREAK OUT. Straight-up crazy. Like they'd have to knock me unconscious with a shoe.

• AP News: Doctors test Hot Sauce

This one was gonna to be a joke about Cheney. I'm sure you can fill in the details.

• National Geographic: King tut died in hunting accident

I just couldn't resist the title of this one. Now that's good journalism. I'm not exactly sure how you make bio-fuel from lamb, but I'm sure quality is directly related to the fluffiness.

• EnvironmentalGraffiti: Cute Fluffy Lambs Sentenced to Death

This is pretty cool. It's a memory card with wifi built right in. So whenever it can find the Internet it'll upload your newest pictures whereever you want. Those chumps who bought that kodak wifi camera are kickin themselves now. Too bad my cameras take CF. Where's the Sea-FI love?

• Engadget: Eye-Fi Wifi enabled SD

Dangerous = Cool. Its just a fact of life. The more dangerous the activity, the cooler you look while doing it. For example: skydiving. Pretty cool looking. Now strap on a jetpack and some wings. Evel Knievel never dreamed of looking so good. Reminds me of the switchblade from Die Another Day, but with jet engines.

• Register: Stealth strap-on jet plane

Secret Secrets.

I love commercials for Mercury cars because of the spokeswoman, but I not gonna buy a car because of her.

Put A Sack Of Bricks In The Trunk.

I've often thought that we need different classes of license for driving. Like some people would be relegated to driving only between 3-6 in the morning every other Thursday, while others would be restricted to special low speed tunnels constructed under every city. I know, lofty goals, but you gotta have dreams. Well the UK is thinking of instituting another type of licensing policy. This would require more training as a car's weight to power ratio drops. I think mostly they're getting tired of people crashing up Veyrons; something no one likes to see. Extra lessons would include how to properly set up for turns and handle the frothy power-crazed beasts they've laid out for.

Of course your ratio changes based on the weight of the car, so you might be in an odd situation where you're licensed to drive 4 of your fattest friends around, but not to drive yourself to the store. Heck, that sounds like some great carpool legislation right there. See that? I'm so full of good ideas, they just fall out of my brain.


Sample Weight to Power Ratios:

1. Formula One Racer - 1333 lbs (with balast and driver) / 750hp (mandated smaller V8 engines) = 1.78 lb/hp
   
2. Bugatti Veyron - 4162 lbs / 1001 hp = 4.16 lb/hp
   
3. Porsche Carrera GT - 3043 lbs / 612 hp = 4.97 lb/hp
4. Corvette Z06 - 3132 lbs / 505 hp = 6.2 lb/hp
5. Dodge Viper - 3380 lbs / 535 hp = 6.32 lb/hp
6. Lotus Exige GT3 - 2050lbs / 271 hp = 7.56 lb/hp
7. 2007 BMW M3 - 3386 lbs / 420 hp = 8.06 lb/hp
8. Audi RS 4 - 3634 lbs / 414 hp = 8.78 lb/hp
9. Boxster S - 2987 lbs / 295 hp = 10.1 lb/hp
   
10. WRX Sti - 3351 lbs / 293 hp= 11.44 lb/hp
    
11. Honda S2000 - 2835 lbs / 240 hp = 11.81 lb/hp
12. BMW Mini Cooper S GP - 2579 lbs / 214 hp = 12.05 lb/hp
13. Mitsu Evo IX - 3086 lbs / 255 hp = 12.10 lb/hp
14. Mazda RX-8 - 3029 lbs / 237 hp = 12.78 lb/hp
15. Acura RSX Type S - 2775 lbs / 210 hp = 13.21 lb/hp
    
16. VW R32 - 3256 lbs / 241 hp = 13.51 lb/hp
17. 2006 BMW 330ci - 3450 lbs / 255 hp = 13.53 lb/hp
18. Celica GTS - 2500 lbs / 180 hp = 13.89 lb/hp
    
19. Lotus Elise S - 1896 lbs / 134 hp = 14.15 lb/hp
20. Miata MX-5 - 2414 lbs / 170 hp = 14.20 lb/hp
    
21. Acura TSX - 3318 lbs / 200 hp = 16.59 lb/hp
    
22. VW Jetta TDI - 3197 lbs / 90 hp = 35.52 lb/hp

• Exotic car owners need 'therapy' - Autoblog

For The Goth Playboys.

Keep your eyes open for this bleak black Porsche Cayman "Design Edition". It's black on black on black color scheme denotes it as one of a limited 777 car run. It also comes with a black briefcase containing a black watch, black pen, black sunglasses, black keyring and pocket knife. (Black, of course.) I guess Porsche agrees with Wesley; "Always bet on black."

• Blackout: Porsche unveils limited-edition Cayman S Porsche Design Edition 1 - Autoblog

Pad Your Brain With Stats.

I knew a bit about the Veyron before I read this article on Jalopnik.  I watched the Top Gear episode where Jeremy Clarkson raced an airplane in one, and absorbed lots of tidbits, which were supplemented by James May's top speed run in the monster.  But there are a few more nuggets that I feel everyone should know:

• The handbrake is equipped with ABS
• There are 10 radiators, the tenth to cool the hydraulic oil used to raise the spoiler.
• The car rides at 5" in normal mode, at 130 mph it switches to handling mode which raises the spoiler and lowers the suspension 2 inches.
• There's also a top-speed mode, activated by a key in the door, which drops the car to 2.5" and is deactivated if you tap the brake or turn the wheel.
• The car runs for 12 minutes at top speed (253mph) before running out of gas.  That's a 50.6 mile range.
• The car will stop from full gait in under 10 seconds.
• 0-60 in 2.64 s
• 0-100 in 6 s
• 0-150 in 11 s
• 0-200 in 22 s
  

• Jalopnik Fantasy Garage: Bugatti Veyron 16.4 - Jalopnik

Reminds Me Of My Technic Sets...

You know... those big-boy LEGOs with gears and engines and tiny parts that were really hard to assemble.  But for all their simulated workings, they still couldn't figure out how to put a roof on the sports car.

The Army is going hybrid for stealth with this aggressively designed Humvee replacement.  Its to be used in situations where troops need to travel at 80 mph without putting off a lot of heat.  I'm all for using less fuel over there, but damn, that thing is ugly.  But aesthetics aren't the metric, what we really need to know is: how well does it hold up in sand?

• The Aggressor: A Hybrid for Iraq - Jalopnik

Selling Cars Takes Bawls.

Chevy is very proud of their new Malibu design. So much so that the best way they can think to sell it is to put a Camry right next to it in the show room. Ah the old coke-pepsi taste test routine. Wait, was that pepsi-coke taste test? Who ran those things and what were they sposed to prove? Crap.

But I digress, Chevy is renting a crap-load of Camrys to put in their show-rooms so customers can kick tires and compare the two without having to leave the dealer. They never want you to leave the dealer. Its hard to tell if the gambit will work out, cause people might not agree that the Malibu is better, and they still have to convince shoppers to stop at a Chevy dealer to begin with. But at least they're rolling the dice.

Bottom line this means for car buyers: there are going to be a bunch of used Camrys hitting the market in 18 months that have almost no miles on them. But the seats will be blown out and the surfaces will have disgusting people grease all over them.

• Chevy dealers told to get a Camry to sell their Malibus - Autoblog

Craftsmanship.

Road crew working on Rt 50 west just before the 495 interchange-

I have a new car. As a result I've been sensitive, maybe overly so, to all bumps and potholes that I hit as I drive. The stiffer suspension also doesn't help out much. So as I saw you handiwork coming up at 80 miles an hour I was bracing for a shock.

I'm pleased to say that your patch was flawless. Sure it looked like a big metal plate thrown in the road, but I honestly think that driving over your work was smoother than the highway itself. So good job road crew on Rt 50. Maybe you could tell the guys on Rt 29 what's up one of these days. They seem to think leaving 3 inch pipes and manholes sticking out of the blacktop are acceptable. If you know the guys I'm talking about, please let them know this is not the case.

Thank you and keep it up
~ Rt 50 Driver

Mangled.

So this (single) RS6 got split diagonally like a grilled cheese sammich. That's surprising enough, but the driver walked away from the wreck. Take a look at the other photos on Jalopnik and you'll see how remarkable that is. Whatever he hit went right through pretty much everything but the driver's seat. The guy isn't quite sure what happened, but there's a pretty good theory in the article: "It was likely traveling at about eleventy miles an hour when it left the road." I don't imagine they do many crash tests at eleventy miles an hour, but I'm guessing most of them wouldn't come out this favorably.

• Jalopnik: Holy Crap

Renting The Power Supply.

My biggest dissuasion against running out and buying an electric car right now (aside from lack of supply, lack of funding and lack of a place to plug it in) stems from a general uncertainty of battery packs.  How long will the pack last before it needs replacing?  How much is that gonna cost?  Do I have to do anything special to it?  And so on, like with any new (and probably better) technology.  Think of your feelings the first time you saw a CD player after a lifetime of cassette decks.  There was probably a little fear and resentment of new technology deep in your chest even though it probably manifested as condescension or apathy.  There's just so much to learn and you've already kinda got a system that works.  Oh, but it could be so much better if we'd just man up and do it.  However that fear is a legitimate concern when dealing with new technologies, just ask the minidisc deck under my bed.

But what if I didn't have to worry about the battery?  TreeHugger has a very interesting link about buying the car but leasing the batteries.  Sounds like a neat idea that might make people adopt technology they're not quite sure about yet. Course you'd need to incentivize proper use and maintenance to maximize the usefulness of each pack.  So don't get excited about gorging through 48 AA batteries like you did on Christmas day when you were twelve.

• TreeHugger: Buy The Car, Lease The Battery

Is Your Commute A Blur?

I don't usually read billboards. And when I do they're stupid; with a few exceptions. This is a neat idea from Ford. The "board" is actually a semi-transparent resin that blurs the image behind it. So no, that's not just a picture of the landscape, its real.

Jalopnik: New Ford Billboard to Further Confuse Drunk Drivers