Friday, December 29, 2006

Double Check For Typos.

I know, I'm a deadbeat. I won't try to make any excuses, but this article is gold.

A German tourist was trying to visit his girlfriend in Sydney, Australia but accidentally got a ticket to Sidney, Montana. In the United States.
Gutt's airline ticket routed him via the U.S. city of Portland, Oregon, to Billings, Montana. Only as he was about to board a commuter flight to Sidney -- an oil town of about 5,000 people -- did he realize his mistake.
That's all. I'm not even going to say anything.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Stick Philosophy.

There are some great cartoons for geeks at xkcd.com. The stick animations really grow on you after a while and there are some pretty good jabs at ridiculous tech and general geekery. You know, things I might actually think about.Course if you didn't take so many compsci courses you won't think things like this are funny. But hey, there's always wikipedia. And there's some shining advice for you non-geeks too:
I think Randall also has a solution to my self-loathing blog quandary. Oddly enough I'll take auto-derogatory over banal conformity most days of the week.

Bacon Wrapped In Tiger.

So who wants to guess what's going on here? No, that tiger isn't saving the piggies till snack time, they actually live together at a kind of freak-show zoo in Thailand. Incongruous species are kept in the same enclosure and, as in this case, sometimes raised by foster parents of another species. So don't think you can rummage through your closet to find those tiger print hotpants and jump into the tiger pit at your local zoo. You'd get taken down faster than a three legged zebra on the savanna.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Mom, I Need To Stop At The Liquor Store Before The Science Fair.

While we're talking about kids with bright futures, hop on over to The Nonist for some photoshoped (but hilarious) pictures of up and coming scientists. I mean "Ballooner of scrotums"? That's gold Jerry.

Holiday Warm-Feeling Funtime.

I'd hate to be remembered as an angry young man, so here's a little penance for all the virtual yelling I've done today. These sound like awesome parents.

I went to the credit union today to deposit my Christmas bonus. I waited my turn behind a boy who was about four years old. In one hand he held a wad of cash, and in the other he held his account information. His parents watched from the side of the lobby.

“Why, hello,” said the teller when she saw the boy. He walked purposely to the counter. She leaned over and looked down at him. “What can I do for you?” she asked.

“I need to make a deposit,” he said. He stood on tip-toes, reaching up with the money and the account information.

“You need a stool,” the teller said, laughing.

...continued on Get Rich Slowly...

I Don't Have Any Kids To Think About.

Uh-oh FCC looks like you're on shaky ground. Ever since that boobslip a while ago (still can't believe I missed that) the FCC has been imposing mystery fines on networks with taboo content. But rather than tell the offenders what is allowed and what is not there are a set of vague 'guidelines'. The effect is that once in a while a network will get a bill in the mail that says "you shouldn't have done that."

Well 3 judges yesterday questioned that practice as well as the root issue of "won't somebody please think of the children?" The FCC is often coerced into regulating content by "Family" groups who loathe inappropriate material and wish the government would shelter their kids. The court noted that the FCC (very rightly) has no jurisdiction over cable broadcasts where kids are much more likely to see the good stuff. The FCC and the government can't protect your shorties from dirty jokes, and if the best way you can think to monitor their activities is to have the government do it, you need to do some thinkin'.

Unless of course the kids are just an excuse and the real reason you're complaining to some magical authority is that you don't think anyone should be watching this stuff. Well too damn bad. This country affords certain freedoms. Movement, assembly, flag burnin and raunchy TV. Hell, its the reason why you're allowed to think that we should all be sheltered like your 5-year-old. But I disagree, so shut the fuck up.

I'll Have Your Network With His Phone And Their Services.

I saw a commercial yesterday - I dunno why I saw a commercial, I must have been spacing on the fast forward button - for a cell phone or something. It was called Helio and was almost in the style of those Old Navy commercials that make me vomit. Not so much in the dancing around to hip music trying to be a GAP ad, but in the cool young people having fun with whatever the product is. I know that sounds vague, but I'm fine with it. Anyway, the one guy finds the other guy using the phone's GPS or something (kinda cool) and the other guy says something about Google Maps on his phone. Alright, I'm listening.

Well, I wanted to find out more about this product, but I couldn't remember the name of the company (advertising is very effective on me) until I read an article about how bad Cingular sucks and someone asked what the deal with Helio was in the comments. (no one answered him) Ah! It was called Helio. Wiki to the rescue-

Helio is a MVNO joint venture between SK Telecom and Earthlink. MVNO means that they don't own any licensed spectrum but rent service from other providers. Look at the coverage map of my area. No whitespace. They've got a ton of 3G coverage that they lease from Sprint and they lease voice only access from Verizon for all the other areas. What? They only reason I'm on Verizon is because they have the most pervasive coverage in my area. They don't have the best service they have the most ubituitous service. And now they don't have that because I can go through someone else to get a hybrid service. So right out of the blocks that's sounding sweet. But there's more:
The premise of this new company would be to bring advanced mobile devices in service from SK Telecom's home market of Korea to the US wireless market, where such advanced devices had been noted, by many, to be lacking. Helio, as it was to be called, would market itself to the younger demographic, promoting itself using the latest in cutting-edge handset technology. They plan to avoid taking on the major US wireless carriers directly, and instead they intend to carve out a niche for themselves with technology-savvy consumers.
Yeah? Bringing some of that rocking handset technology over here from Korea? Awesome. And marketing themselves to a savvy consumer base sounds like they won't want to piss people off by crippling their phones.

Want some more? Ok, they realize they're selling convergence items. So after you switch over for one of their devices you can send in your old tech for cash rewards. Like the phone in my pocket is worth a $46.75 trade-in. And I'm pretty sure I've got a couple more in my glove box. But its not just phones. They want iPods, PSPs, cameras, PDAs whatever your new convergence device is replacing. I mean, sure maybe you could get more for it on eBay if you're willing to put a bit more effort into it. But I find it very refreshing for a company to embrace convergence and enable its customers' transition.

That and the options look so freaking simple. Pick a phone, pick how many minutes you want and pick a data option. 65 or 40 bucks a month. I obviously need to look around a little more but this sounds like the kind of company I'm angling for.

Tag.

You ever played a game of tag and intentionally got 'it', just so you could walk away with 'it' refusing to tag anyone and the game would stop? I have, but maybe I'm just mean. Well I kinda wish I could do that here.

I was reading the old ZNF and ran across something called blog-tag. Now you know I hate the 'b' word as much as anyone who actually maintains a blog, but this concept may be even more irritating.

Some one gets "tagged" and they're sposed to name five things that not too many people know and then name five people to go next.

Odd. But ok. I guess that's a 'fun' way for all these annoying little bloggers to get to know one another- wait a minute. Its not just the "this is how I feel today" or "my hampster is the best" blogs. Well known blogs; blogs I use for news are falling prey to this noise.

Lookit, I may appreciate reading some things you write, or I may value you as a reliable source of information. But I don't need tidbits of you as a person filtering through my RSS stream. I've already evaluated your credentials, that's how you made the list in the first place. I don't care about you as a person, and I 'm a man so I use the Internet for information, not relationships. My only feed that this may be acceptable in is Steve's The Sneeze. And that whole site is just about Steve's life and amusing anecdotes, not news or technology.

In the course of my investigation I came across Mark Cuban's response to the phenomenon. Now this is one insightful motherfucker. He thinks its stupid and a waste of peoples' time. If its good enough for Mark Cuban to hate, don't you spose its good enough for you too?
It has the same intellectual resonance as doing The Wave at an event. You are embarrased if you do it sober, beligerant to non wavers if you do it drunk.
You know that? I already hate this. So before you accuse me of just being bitter about not getting invited to the party, think about this. This is the same as those emails that your friends fill out about what colors they like and what movies they've seen and if you don't send it back to them you aren't really friends. If you're my friend and actually expect me to fire that back at you, you're insane.

Also, this looks to expand geometrically like a pyramid scheme. 1...5...25...125...625 But its a pyramid scheme of idiocy, increasingly blocking the flow of valuable information until the Internet pipes are choked with with favorite burrito toppings and water parks and turn-ons and car colors and sneaker sizes and mustache lengths and abnormal toe numbers and cornbread recipes.

Whatever you say. Its not a big deal. I should calm down. Doesn't mean I'm not right.

Captured Moments.

High speed photography is neat, and you get some especially intriguing shots during sporting events. Check out Sports Illustrated's 41 most interesting pictures of the year. Like this one of a defender giving someone the old reach around to try and prevent a goal. They're putting pretty high quality cameras every where these days.

You may get to the point where you see the picture at my right and ask yourself "what the hell is going on there?" Well, that's "sepak takraw". Think volleyball and soccer all mixed up into one sport. Sounds pretty kick-ass, right? But they aren't just playing hacky sack over a net. They sometimes spike the ball with a bicycle kick and then land on their feet. Holy crap. Where can I watch me some takraw?

How To Really Stick It To The Cops.

Here's one you don't hear too often: refuse to have a bullet removed from your body what will be used as evidence against you. Apparently it was a used car-lot robbery gone wrong. Some street toughs started shooting at the owner and he shot back, striking one of the kids in the forehead. I've often thought a bullet to the forehead would kill you, but apparently the "bullet struck the teenager and borrowed into the soft, fatty tissue of his forehead." I wonder how much fatty tissue we're talking about. Was this guy a real porker, or does everyone have the ability to absorb bullets?

His friends ratted him out as being at the scene but upon questioning, the youth denied participating in the shooting. "The officers noticed the guy looks like hell. One of his eyes is black and he has a big old knot on his forehead," Rodriguez said. "He tells police he got hurt playing basketball." The cops got a warrant for the removal of the evidence but bone growths required special equipment and surgery. After the second warrant and availability of suitable medical facilities doctors again refrained from the procedure. Doctors agree that removing the bullet is not a dangerous action, but it seems that the patient's right supersede desires of the prosecution.

Moral of the story, kids, need to hide something from the cops? Don't put it in a cavity, shoot yourself with it.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Energy Stability With Battery Packs.

Whoa, this is an interesting concept. People are down on some kinds of alternative energy because they can be inconsistent and are not on-demand sources. If you have a cloudy day you'll generate less solar power. Or if there's no wind, you'll get less wind power. And the flip side is that you may end up generating more power than you need, but don't have any way to store it.

This article on plug-in hybrids pitches solutions all over the place. If plug-in hybrids were mainstream enough in the US, electric companies could benefit from stability and use a wider variety of sources. First, the electric providers should be pushing for plug-in hybrids because they will sell more electricity, which means more profit. (out of the oil companies pockets) They've over built production facilities to deal with usage spikes, so most of the time these factories are wasting overhead. By incentivising off-peak charging they could make full use of the capital expenditure they've made.

With higher profits, they could justify cleaner electricity improvements like coal plant upgrades or even starting alternative energy production. The plug-ins will help them again there. They can act as an energy buffer, using surplus energy at low demand hours and even offering it back to the grid when demand spikes or if an alternative source has a sub-par day. Think about it, millions of high quality storage batteries keeping our energy supply and consumption in collusion.

Some of the proposals integrate a "car IP" so that when you plug into the grid your account is credited or debited no matter where you are. So wherever your car is parked it is contributing to the communal power supply. If there is a natural disaster or emergency that cut power to regions, the cars could be used to keep essential systems running. And even if you sold all your electricity back to the community, you could still drive when you came back to your car using the gasoline supplement.

This may seem like quite the ambitious endeavor but its the best argument for a hybrid I've ever heard.


Look Into My Eyes And Smell My Arm.

This is odd. Its a patch that you wear on your wrist or arm that emits a fragrance rather than a drug. And the aroma is sposed to make you randy. I'm not exactly sure what the target audience is here. Unless there are a bunch of people out there who wish they were hornier than they naturally are. I feel like most of these things will be used in the pursuit of altering someone else's state. They don't dissolve in liquid though, so you'll have to think of another plan. They come in two varieties mens' and womens' so plan your strategy and order carefully. You'd hate to wake up in the morning and find that you'd attracted the wrong flavor of companion.

Also on the olfactory front: humans are better at smelling than you think. They're just out of practice. Researchers conducted a study whereby they made blindfolded college kids sniff out a scent trail to chocolate through grass. Anyone else think that sounds demeaning and hilarious?

It Wasn't A Warning Shot, It Was A Camera.

I love plans for the future, especially when they were devised in the past. Take for example this plan for an interstellar mission from 1973. The members collaborated on a method to send instruments to a near star system within the span of a human life while only using near-future technology. It was called the Daedalus Project; with a name like that how could it not work?

The plan (keeping in mind that this is a grievous summary) was to use a nuclear pulse rocket to accelerate the probe to 135,000,000 km/h. (the current fastest space-bound projectile is Pioneer 10 at 51,810 km/h) This rocket would trigger 250 tiny nuclear bombs per second for two straight years before moving on to stage two. In all the propulsion would consume 46,000 tons of deuterium and helium-3, and the craft would have to pit-stop at Jupiter to collect this fuel. Ac few years before the fifty year mission's conclusion several pods would split off the mother ship and record whatever they pass. The instruments will try to gather as much data as possible as they hurtle through the system at 3,750,000 m/s because they'll have no means of deceleration.

Goodness, lets hope there isn't someone we might piss off by shooting at them.

Jury To Whiners: Suck It.

A Texas jury sided with a multi-million dollar out of state corporation over the complaints of local residents. Damn straight, I'm not usually for big companies rolling over the opinions of citizens, but screw these guys. The difference is in the details. This company runs the largest wind farm in the world and these plaintiffs are alleging that the turbines are a public nuisance. They say that the sounds created by clean, efficient energy are too much to bare. (well, they say that now that a judge told them they can't make a case against the look of the turbines) An impartial sound engineer took readings and found that the highest reading was 44 decibels. That's smack in between a residential area at night and a quiet restaurant. Or how about the wind blowing at 10 mph? Imagine that, a wind farm makes as much noise as the wind. How dare they?

This wind farm has 421 turbines on 47,000 acres maxing out at 735 MegaWatts. Awesome. I would love to see some big-ass turbines outside my window.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Proper Representation.

Someday the world will tremble beneath the might of the DPI logo. Lifehacker has a link to an interesting article about designing logos incorporating letters. Its a pdf link but not a problem with your foxit pdf reader, right? Anyway I wish I was good at logo design so I liked reading it and appreciate the various tips it gave. I think mostly the best designs just come through messing around with what you've got. And refining and messing. Oh, and having some artistic talent may help too, I'm not sure. I sure wish I could make a smooth curve, as is evident in this little mock up of what I'm working on for a Daily Placebo Industries logo. (go get that Dauphin font so you know what d, p and i look like). I can't wait till its polished enough to be emblazoned on my private jets, satellites and volcano strongholds. Oh and maybe on a blazer with fine hand ticking.


P.S. Anyone know how I can make a bad-ass torch effect to dot the "i" with?

Its Not An E-Brake.


Its a handbrake. Or maybe an auxiliary brake. I have a feeling my insurance company wouldn't like me to make a habit of this. Hop over to Jalopnik where they've got a You-Tube video of some handbrake parking. First, the parallel park, and then the rear-first park. Pretty bad-ass that guy can do it right like every time. This is the kinda stuff I do in GTA; when I actually park the car and don't just blow it up.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Magazine Of The Year: All Of Em EXCEPT Time.

Alright, so by now you've heard about TIME magazine's choice for the person of the year. That's right, its you! Feckin weak guys. Why don't you grow a pair and pick someone? Anyone. I mean how the hell do you call this the person of the year? If everyone is special, then no one is special. Its a non-statement. Yeah I know it technically falls in your guidelines for "person of the year": a profile on the man, woman, couple, group, idea, place, or machine that "for better or worse, has most influenced events in the preceding year." What? Group, idea, place or machine? Are you guys on crack? Maybe you should change it to "Noun of the year". Yeah the noun which most influenced verbs over the past year.

Lets face it, you've already changed it once. It used to be the "Man of the Year" back in 1927 when you ran Charles Lindbergh on the cover as the first Man of the Year. Oh wait, this whole thing only started because you forgot to run a Trans-Atlantic flight story in 1927 and wanted to make up for it when there was nothing going on. So its kinda like a yearly tribute to all the stuff that you should have done a better job covering. Its like a yearly apology issue. I mean, I forget to write about things sometimes but I'm not charging people for this stuff. Goodness.

Person of the Year - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Oh, That's The Charger For A 9454b, Not A 9455b.

Freaking phone companies, they squeeze every last drop out of you. But now China could be paving the way for us all. They're trying to mandate a standard charging interface for cell phones. That'd be super guys, and if the plan to have use USB as the standard maybe we'll finally get some phones that sync with computers and don't waste all kinds of power. But that's probably just crazytalk.
Oh, and I did some research on USB. Its kinda interesting stuff, coming up with data transfer standards and seeing the various incarnations. No, wait. Maybe its only interesting to me.

I'm Gonna Need That Shash Back.


Damn, I've gotta start paying attention to pageants. Miss whatever nearly had her title stripped after accusations of partying too hearty in New York. Really? She sounds cool. Hey, back off Donald, you're the ones who picked her in the first place. Its not her fault that you're a bad judge of character. And who's to say she's not doing your little show a favor? You know, scandals draw interest. I didn't see any of the contest in April, but I'm willing to bet that her answer to "what will you do as Miss USA?" didn't include making out with Miss Teen USA.

Stones Squeal On Hog Line Burns.

Now granted I've only been curling for like half a season, but I hadn't really considered that one of the most controversial calls in the sport is a hog line violation. See, you slide off the hack with a 44 lb stone while balancing on a Teflon sole against a sheet of ice. 33 feet out is the "hog line" which is the plane by which you have to have released the stone. If anyone touches the rock after that line it is "burned" and removed from play.
I'm not really coming that close to a hog line violation, I usually release a couple feet before the line, so I never really thought about having to make these close calls. Obviously you wouldn't touch the stone if you knew you were over the line, and at competitive Speils there are hog line judges to make sure.

Like the digital timer and electric starting gun, technology is being used to absolutely differentiate as athletes push the boundaries of rules. These rocks have circuitry in them that detects when the thrower's hand lets go as well as detect when the stone passes the hog line. Hang on a fraction too long and red lights flash on the stone so you know to remove it. Pretty cool stuff, but at 650 bones a pop its a little prohibitive for smaller clubs. But next time I see a national competition on TV I'll be looking for these babies.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Slippery Like A Fox.

This is some pretty crazy engineering. Some ship builder was staring at the tiny bubbles in his champaign and it hit him: bubbles make everything better.
Most hull designs are focused on reducing wave resistance and pressure drag (pushing water out of the way and escaping the vacuum the ship creates). But the other type of drag that's been on designers' minds is frictional drag. This is the force created by water sticking to the bottom of the boat and is the reason for those expensive Teflon bottom paints. But there are a variety of techniques that are like making the boat float on a cushion of air.

First, the Japanese are working on Microbubbles. A layer of bubbles that adheres all around the hull and taking advantage of the low viscosity to move the ship with less friction and turbulence. But right now it appears to only work at lower speeds.

Then there's the Americans who are doing tests on scale and computer models. They're also examining microbubbles and are very pleased with the efficience -for the speed. But this is DARPA and slow moving Navy ships just isn't sexy enough for them. So they're looking at other options like polymer lubricants and water repellent hull coating.

But its the Russians who look like the front-runners in this quest with their air cavity drag reduction. It involves using pumps to keep a pocket air in the ship, providing an excellent lubricant. The Russians who developed supercavitation for high-speed torpeedoes have been building ships that employ this technique for 25 years.

Google Update.

I'll try and get this out of the way as quickly as possible for you non-fanboys.

Extremely premature speculation about a Google branded phone. Hell yeah; I believe I suggested this when I spazzed out about apple in September of 2005. Anyway, there are rumors that they're talking with Orange and HTC to get their mobile search on. I can't freakin wait. But I will, because unlike some companies, I expect Google to do this right.
I pretty much only use Google Maps to find the locations of stuff online. (was talking with a friend on the phone last week and he said "hang on, let me Google Map it" which made me smile, cause the standard used to be Map Quest or some other service that I can't even remember now.) Anyway, Google Maps has been getting better and better. (the call feature, the my locations feature) But now they're getting around to adding things that everyone has been asking for. Like directions to multiple locations. Yahoo! maps had this a while ago, and I nearly switched over for it. Luckily now I can stop at a liquor store on my way to wherever I'm headed and I don't have to use a Yahoo! product to find it.
Patents are becoming more important, especially since there's a kind of cold war going on. Companies snatching up all the patents they can, and making them as broad as they can, so that when (yeah I said when) they get sued for patent infringement they can threaten a counter-suit with a just as frivolously vague patent on some other technology. I can't wait for the first three way patent escalation litigation. Well, Google's tapped into the US patent system so you can see if your idea for a hood mounted turtle slingshot has already been claimed. Or I spose you could use it to get your hopes up about new Apple products that'll never be released.

Holy Crap, This Guy Is Clinically Dead.

Clinical death occurs when the heartbeat and breathing have stopped. Since regular breathing is impossible when the heart is stopped, clinical death is synonymous with cardiac arrest or cardiac death.
So you've probably taken some kind of CPR course where they make you check a dummy for pulse and breathing. If there's no thump thump, you're sposed to violently bang on his chest until you are relieved by a more competent person or the patient physically stops you.

Well toss that out cause we're going all Frankenstein. A patient in Canada has had a device installed that constantly circulates the blood in his body. That's night, no heart, no pulse, no blood pressure. This is the guy, along with the kitchen sink part he's got strapped in his chest. Wild stuff. I mean, I don't like to think about RFID chips under my skin, so this is definitely creeping me out.

Pretend This Bag Of Chips Is A Cat.

I do like CG. I normally just think about it in Pixar films because its noticeable there; the entire film is CG. I like to watch the special features and see how the shots and objects were modeled, or how the creative process worked to created the characters in movies like Finding Nemo or Cars.

But that's one type of CG that's about style and art. The goal of traditional CG is to blend in to the film and be unnoticeable to the viewer. (watch the Emperor's new groove, a hand animated movie, and pick out the CG objects. they did a good job.) I finally got around to watching my copy of Dead Man's Chest this weekend and didn't really think about the special effects. I spose that means they did a good job; especially so considering how much actual editing ILM did for the film. Now, I didn't watch the 8 hours of special features yet so I'm sure this site is just a taste, but I like the interaction. Head on over to the ILM site and you can view some of the process and mouse-over clips to reveal the original shot. These guys are good.

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Safest Thing We Had To Play With Was Broken Glass.

Meet the newest addition to my RSS aggregator. Radar Magazine waltzed into my heart with this cynically nostalgic write up of the ten most (unintentionally) dangerous toys of all time. Sure you may have seen a list of dangerous toys before, but never one compiled with such tenacity and verve. I don't even know what verve is but its fun to say. Plus they've got some nice stats like: Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.

Features : Radar Online

Isn't bunk bad? No something is bunk and then you debunk it.

Thanks, Wired Magazine, for clearing up all these common myths. And for streamlining the process by eliminating any kind of supporting evidence or facts. I hate how people are always trying to explain things to me, I mean isn't there some way I can just blindly believe whatever some un-credentialed person writes and puts in the internets? I mean, wow, I've wasted so many hours watching Myth Busters with all their tests, experiments and science.
Quicksand- You won't sink in over your head because 1) quicksand usually isn't that deep and 2) quicksand is more dense than a human body, so you'll float. That's not to say that quicksand isn't deadly. Exposure, starvation and rising water are all dangers.
Youtube- mythbusters: quicksand

Eye Strain - No, the emissions from TVs aren't really going to screw you up any more, and eye strain probably isn't the cause of physical degradation. But its still something to be avoided, unless you enjoy feeling like crap for no articular reason. But maybe your mom was worried about the vacuum tubes imploding and blinding you with glass shards.

Coriolis Effect - While drains and toilets are a mis-attribution of the Coriolis Effect because of their small scale, there are other mainstream examples of the principle these fabrications try to demonstrate. You know, like air travel, artillery, tornadoes, or Foucault's pendulum.

Lightning Rod - No, lightning probably didn't strike Franklin, but more interestingly he only undertook the experiment because he was impatient in this quest to test his lightning rod. Like a lot of great men he chose not to patent this invention.
Mythbusters: Franklin's kite

Terminal Velocity - Pennies don't have enough mass to get the velocity needed to kill someone. I believe Jamie and Adam shot each other with pennies at higher than terminal velocity and didn't even break skin.
Mythbusters: Penny Drop

Digestion - Another wives' tale, no one has ever died from swimming after eating. But hey, mom was always threatening disobedience with death, right. But as usual she's just looking out for your best interests. When you've finished eating blood rushes to your stomach to aid in digestion; but when you're exercising your muscles need blood. Its debatable but don't you think you'd feel better with your organs not competing for resources? Or maybe mom just wanted to spend a little more time with you. You selfish little piece of...
Snopes: Eating and Swimming

Cow Tipping - There are lots of variables to this phenomenon, but most investigators agree that cow tipping isn't physically possible as its usually described. A Canadian university study found the force needed to move a cow, short duration in which to apply it, and biology of human muscles make this task calculably impossible for one person. This doesn't discount the fact that cow tipping is attempted and hilarious. In fact, it probably wouldn't be so amusing if it worked.
Times Online: Cow-tipping Myth

Dark Side of The Moon - The Dark Side of The Moon is a Pink Floyd Album with virtually no other references to the Earth's Moon. The far side of the moon is something though, which is probably where the confusion comes from. The Moon's rotation makes one side permanently face us as the body revolves around the Earth. This phenomenon means that the moon does not face the sun with a constant side, and it does not have a permanent lunographic dark side. There is always a dark side though, the one not facing the sun.

Chewing Gum - Nope, chewing gum isn't digested because its not food. It just tastes that way. Its designed with polymers to resist digestion so that you can chew it for longer than food. So maybe its an adage about only eating food. The same way you're not supposed to eat quarters, but still manage to eliminate them if one slips by. Or perhaps its an estimation of how long stomach acid would take to break down rubber if it stuck around long enough.
Snopes: Eating Gum

Don't Restrict Me.

Good for you Emusic. They've sold 100,000,000 DRM free songs online. I'd call that sticking it to all those music executives that say you can't make money without DRM. Emusic is now the second most popular online music source behind the iTunes music store, and they've done it with independent labels. That's right, they're selling less "popular" music and doing it better because their users don't feel shackled and criminalized. I know because I'm one of them. Hell, I feel like upgrading my account just to stick it to the music industry a little more.

Take Your Floppy Shoes And Beat It.

This is awesome. A McDonald's is forced to close its doors because people don't want the disgusting offerings within. In Travistock, England there are just so many options for good food that the global food chain can't compete. If you can't take the heat, get out of the reheating area. This is just the beginning, I can feel it. All over the world people are going to start rising up, shrugging the shackles of grease pushers, and eating good local food.

Free Straps!

So after a bunch of porkers couldn't keep their grip on a wiimote and smashed their window or TV, Nintendo is offering a recall of the tethers. Maybe it the straps were to wimpy after all. Or maybe Nintendo doesn't think everyone will care enough to take advantage. At least now they'll have an adequate defense when someone claims they owe TV reparations. You should filled out a strap replacement form buddy, sorry.

Tis The Season For Snow.


Here's this years' Calvin snowman challenge.

I Thought You Were "The Decider"

Ok, lots of sources have reviewed the old "stay the course" strategy, and it ain't working. So Bush can't say he's going to stay the course. But he refuses to choose a plan that would lead to defeat. You know things like "leaving before the job is done". He wants to pick the best course of action and won't be "rushed into making a difficult decision, a necessary decision." Can someone tell me how refusing to choose a new plan of action is different than "stay the course"? We're back to the logic loops of 'the troops come home when the job is done' 'the job is not to lose' and 'as long as we don't leave we won't lose'.

Except now its 'we can't win with stay the course' 'I refuse to choose a losing plan' 'all plans that involve leaving before we win are losing plans'

Excuse Me, I Notice You Have Very Long Arms...

What the hell? Is the Guinness Book of records now a yellow pages of handymen? Some dolphins in China ate part of their plastic enclosure and took ill. (like ya do when you eat plastic) But doctors couldn't get utensils into the stomachs and their arms just weren't long enough. So of course they took the next logical step and called the world's tallest man. He stepped up like a champ and reached into the gaged animals. I'm wondering who'll get called up next... will it be the woman with the longest fingernails? Maybe the world's heaviest motorcycle twins. Somehow this seems like it should be an episode of the A-team.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Lets All Get Audited

This guy in Massachusetts reduced his home power consumption by so much that the power company audited him. They thought he'd messed with his meter, but in fact he just installed standard energy efficient devices. Fluorescent light bulbs, switches on outlets, energy saver appliances and effective insulation.

Also interesting is the global analysis of pollution tonnage. Sure we have the highest gross pollution tonnage, but we also have the highest per capita pollution. Sounds a little dismal, and it is disgusting that we're so excessive. But think of it this way, an individual can directly reduce more emission than in places with high tonnage but lower per capita numbers.

Table For Two.

Ouch. Talk about lonely. This company is making dinner companion DVD's for people who know they're going to be eating alone but want to pretend that they're not. I really can't imagine how sad this might be were it used in earnest. But I do think someone should get one and a portable DVD player to take to a nice restaurant by himself. Of course it'd be best of you could tape the hilarity yourself, but I'm not sure about the details.

This Title Is Not An Acurate Description.

I have a hard time picturing two million of anything but two million tennis balls seems like a lot. So I got all excited about the Japanese figuring out how to recycle them. Wait. No, they're just putting them on the legs of tables and chairs. Excuse me? Maybe I'm just used to mind-blowing technology coming from over there, but we were doing this in fourth grade.

I mean I can think of all kinds of things to do with tennis balls after they've given up the bounce, but the fact is that they still go in the trash at some point. Especially cause whatever you use them for makes them all grody.

But the fault lies not with the Japanese. Its an admirable program and achievement, but its not recycling. Treehugger, I can't believe you'd write that as a title. Don't you remember your three R's? Reuse and Recycle are obviously not the same thing. Otherwise its only two R's.

Beta Is Better?

Well I've made the switch to Blogger Beta. I'm not exactly sure why, except that they wanted me to. Sure there are a bunch of new features like WYSIWYG template editors and labels. But apparently you have to choose a Beta template to take advantage of any of that. So now I have to reimplement all my customizations in the new system to get anything out of it. Also some of the formatting is a little screwed up through the transition. There's a white space just south of the banner that shouldn't be. Oh and the blogger nav bar doesn't hide any more, so I need to move my logo. I thought that was a nice compromise, hiding the bar. But apparently I've got some work ahead of me to get back to normalcy.

Update
Maybe I can do labels without switching templates...

Update Too
Oh wow, no more publishing. If you've never bloggered, you don't care. But for the rest of you there's no 45 second - 5 minute loading screen after you write a post. They're stored in a database and the pages are rendered on the fly as readers request them, not pre-published when the changes are made. Now there's the kind of bad-ass improvement I'd expect when Google takes over.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Ever Been Out Of Control?

Here's the company responsible for developing the kite supplemented tanker I wrote about a little while ago. Its a cool idea, but I'm a little put off now that I know more about the product. See, when I was like 14 I wondered if we could fly a kite off the fore deck to get a little more downwind oomf. Just chalk me up another idea that someone else got to first. Cause apparently that's how this company got going; they'll build a kite sail for your boat and show you how to use it. They guarantee you'll sail faster or they'll buy back the kite. I'm thinking maybe if your boat blows at going downwind you could get one of these and not use the asymm.

We Love Animals

Critters can be useful or interesting or tasty.

First the spy sharks funded by DARPA (is there anything they can't do?) are just about ready. Professor Atema can control their direction through various stimulations. Now all we need to do is finish that 100kw laser and make it waterproof.
Second: Super Lions. Sounds great. Lets put lasers on their heads. These lions were stranded on an island with nothing to eat but buffalo. Now, I I'm not sure if you've seen a buffalo, or if you know what lions normally eat. But this is crazy. Rather than starving to death the lions have gotten bigger and stronger so they can take down bigger prey. They're apparently smarter too, tracking and predicting which water source the herd will travel to next.
Third, all you guys gotta eat less beef. Those cows are farting too much and its bad for the earth. I would stop too, but I just remembered I don't wanna.
And lastly, how'd you like your holiday bonus in camel meat? How about fresh camel meat? The workers of Turkish Airlines did such a good job that they got to sacrifice a camel at work. Uh, ok. I'd rather have a check.

Too. Many. Carticles...

Ok, I'm not sure how to go about this so I'll just start with the stupidest one and work up from there.

The HHR was a terrible idea to begin with. Its just ugly. So now the news that you can pay $200 MORE for one without three seats five windows and one door makes me wonder what the hell is going on. Are people buying these? Is this the new child-snatcher mobile? Watch out plain white van, the HHR is coming after your target consumer.
You know those stickers on new cars "estimating" the milage? You know how they're wrong? Well apparently the EPA is taking this matter by the horns and is revising the testing system for the first time since 1985. The result? Most estimates will drop by around 12%. Now I'm not sure what these tests consist of or how they were revised, but it sounds to me like car companies got pretty good at jumping through the hoops over the last 21 years. Making cars appear more efficient than they are. Class action lawsuit?
Doing your part for the environment by driving a Prius? As with most be cool-and-make-a-statement products marketed to US consumers it may not meet up with expectations. People have been worried about the dust to dust cost of the battery component for a while; disposing of the materials is as detrimental that burning gas for the life of the car. Well look at this article about the Toyota supplier that provides nickel for the batteries. The area in Canada around the factory has become so desolate from sulfur-dioxide emissions that astronauts went there to practice driving their moon buggies.
But the nickel's voyage only begins there. Its shipped 10,000 miles around the world before reaching the battery incarnation in Japan. And then they ship the completed cars back around the world to wherever they're selling them. Is all this worth 40, maybe 45 mpg? (with the updated EPA estimates) My 11 year old Honda gets 35 and didn't require exotic materials.
Sure they do oil in Texas, but they also do bio-diesel. Well, they used to do bio-diesel. The use of these fuels produces nitrogen oxide emissions, which the state found unacceptable as they passed legislation against it last year. The industry has had one year to lower the emission levels, but that's almost up. I'm all for reducing pollution, but I'm not sure this is the way to encourage growth in a small market. You need to offer incentives, not just penalties. Right now what reason is there to try and develop this technology besides the goodness of your convictions?
Thanks Nissan, you're doing a great jeorb. The new hybrid Altima will be available in 8 states to meet their stringent clean air laws. But here's the kicker: they don't think they can make money on it. Yeah just another reason I'm not impressed by hybrids. People don't want to pay for them, companies can't make a profit from them, the environmental costs of producing and disposing of them, they still run on gas, and they misrepresent themselves as being a kind of environmental salvation.
Does diesel hybrid make sense? I'm the first to admit that I'm not an engineer, and don't know all that much about designing cars. But aren't diesel engines least efficient when they first turn on? When they're cold and not completely burning the fuel? So how does that translate to a system where the engine kicks on for a little while to top off the batteries and then switch off? Seems like we should have one big diesel that's always running, and you just hook your car up to it when you need some juice.
Fusion power. That's where its at. But until we get that ITER online, we'll just have to use the old-fashioned kind. That solar power folks, and its getting better. So I like to see people finding applications, cause demand drives research. So peep these guys giving their lackluster hybrids a tweak by fitting solar roofs on them. They're getting 20 miles a day already even without the ninja photo-voltaic cells that are coming. 20 miles a day could put some people in the range of using zero fuel on a daily basis, and still having the option to drive 50 miles on a weekend getaway if they'd like.
You know I like the Tesla roadster. I know it probably has its own environmental issues but I don't like the Tesla for its fuel efficiency. I like the concept, a small company building a redonkulous performance car by developing new technology while reusing body designs with plans to downscale it into a reasonable production technology. And its a sweet car. You don't even realize how fast you're going. Just ask this guy who got the first ticket while driving a Tesla. Shit, if I had one I wouldn't care.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Caption Mangling.

Its that time of year again; the best photos of the year from TIME. Most of the pictures don't really lend themselves to funny captions, but this one just calls out to me. "The make-a-wish foundation grants Eddie's last request. He gets to feed the velociratpors ."

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Urban Rumble Prize Is On.

Whew. That was a close one. The grand challenge almost went off without prize money. Luckily the legislators came to their senses and decided it was ok. (due, no doubt, in large part to my thoughts on the subject) 1st prize is 2 million, with 1 mil to second place and half a mil for third. I'm still not gonna enter thought. The competition looks rough.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Daily Placebo: Friday Frenzy.

Well damn, here it is Friday afternoon and I haven't gotten to a single post today. I hate that feeling of being behind and putting it off till Monday so what do you say? Can I just cram all this stuff into one long unrelated post with no thought to consistency or quality? Can I write bland descriptions with no bite, no sarcasm and no witty repartee? I'd like to think I can do anything I put my mind to, so here goes.

Holy crap! A president giving himself and all his friends a pay cut in a effort to make government spending more accountable and transparent. Can we let this guy fill in for the rest of Bush's term?
I love Tesla Motors so bad and not just cause they're making electric Elises. They're gonna license their battery tech to other companies, which is awesome. It will get the market rolling on EV rather than having competitors languishing trying to make a non-exploding battery.
Bush thinks there are monsters in the closet. And democrats in the Congress. He's right about one and letting *gasp* big polluters get nailed to the wall like they should.
Laser weapons are coming! Well they're still a ways off, but still. They're increasing in power and that mythical beast of a 100 kw laser can't be far off. Just think we'll finally be able to have space wars like in Moonraker. Too bad we won't have a courageous leader to get us stuck in a Martian occupation for 35 years.
You're an ambulance driver. You were making a 12 mile trip. You had GPS. You drove 200 miles the wrong way because the machine told you to. There will be no robot uprising, they're just going to kill off idiots with slight misinformation.
North Korea stole our ship. I think we should get it back. Honestly, I'm no history buff, but I'm shocked about the events I had no idea happened.
Wait, nix that thing about Bush not being able to get us caught up in an unethical occupational war on Mars. He's already got the ball rolling. NASA has its plans for a permanent base on the moon. Which makes perfect sense. Where are we going to take and illegally detain and torture all the captured combatants?
Kite sail ahoy. You poofters all thought I was crazy when I first blogged about this, but its here. Tankers supplemented by big-ass kites. Never doubt me.
The UK gets it. They've got the congestion charge to help reduce traffic in the city. But wait there's more! The fee is waived for users of EVs plus they're installing free stations so you car can charge while you're parked. Oh and they're increasing the congestion tax for SUVs. Sweet.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Oh. Poop.

From Slashdot:
"Isaac Garcia from Central Desktop Blog writes, 'How much does Google pay *itself* to claim the top ad position for searches relevant to its own products? Google holds the top advertisement (Adword) slot for the following key words: intranet, spreadsheet, documents, calendar, word processor, email, video, instant messenger, blog, photo sharing, online groups, maps, start page, restaurants, dining, and books... ...if you are trying to advertise a product that is competitive to Google, then you'll never be able to receive the Top Ad Position, no matter how much money you bid and spend. How different is it than MSFT placing its products (Internet Explorer) in a premium marketing position (embedded in the OS)?'"

Crap. I think they're right. I don't really know how adwords work (who does) or how the rankings are determined but it does seem like Google may inflate their services to stay on top of other advertisements. Hang on let me go turn the advertisements on in FireFox...

Yeah, Google services turn up as sponsored links for all those searches. Sometimes with a competitor, sometimes alone. So now the question is if someone could out-bit Google for those spots. I'm thinking that they can't; but that's just a guess.

But its alright. I've got a work around. Just take away the "sponsored link" text and return it as a suggestion. Kinda like the answer to life the universe and everything or how you get a link to Google maps when you search for Phoenix, AZ. They're not sponsored and not part of the adwords system, they're just links to other Google services.

Go Get A Dog.

Especially if you're in an area likely to be hit by a sudden heavy snowstorm. An elderly couple was trapped in a sudden storm out at a shack on their property. They'd been tending to injured birds when trees began to fall and snow blocked their return. Luckily their 160 lb German Shepard-Timber Wolf dug a 20 ft tunnel though the snow and forced them to crawl through.

How are the birds? Dead, imagine. But its good to see a neglected puppy grow up and make good. Next up for Shana, the E! True Hollywood story of her life.

Too Close To Home.

Relax It Just FEELS Like Your Skin Is Burning Off.

There have been a bunch of stories about the Air Force's new pain ray. Is it ethical? Is it safe? You know all those wimpy questions. Only Defense Tech has the balls to ask "Is it entertaining?" They've come up with the next great idea for American Reality TV. An obstacle course to complete and attention hungry stars running it while under the happy gaze of Mr microwave. And I also like the popular vote draft method they suggest. Although I have to say, after all the talk about this pain ray, I'm a little disappointed. Its just a big microwave without the oven. I thought we were talking about a way to stimulate just the pain receptors without actually causing damage (no matter how insignificant).

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Stop Freaking Teasing Me.

So American Express runs this promotion every winter holiday season. Its called the wishlist, and basically consists of deeply discounted luxury merchandise in limited quantities. Like today its a 40 inch LCD TV and a blueray player for $1500. Very nice, but I'm not biting cause I have a big LCD TV and I'm not convinced that blueray will take. But next Monday they're selling three Porsche Caymans for five grand. Five grand... I can rummage that together. And I can sell my kidneys to make the insurance payments. But every year as thoughts of sugarplums dance through my head, Dee reminds me that I still have to pay the income tax on the MSRP that was discounted. Well, IRS, I can't pay you a third of fifty grand I didn't get. I can let you drive around in my car a third of the time. But you have to pitch in for gas.

Dammit American Express, why even tempt me with this crap?

Keeping Up With The Jetsons.

Now we're getting there. Everyone knows that things float in the future. And we can't use magnets because nothing's made of metal. So some Japanese scientists are working on a way to make fish float. Well, technically they can make tadpoles, insects and fish eggs float too, but I imagine its pretty much any small object. The technology uses sound waves to keep an object suspended for a sustained period. I imagine it'll be a while before we're floating people with it, but that's not why it was designed anyway. The researchers are looking for a way to house compounds that normally corrode their containers. So imagine any video game you've played where the magical floating orb of mystery junx is floating in a temple. We can do that. All we have to do is figure out how to extract essence of water.

I Live On Semantics.

Yeah, I'm probably not gonna sign up for this any time soon. A man in Paraguay was crucified in a demonstration to release someone or another. Like voluntarily. I thought it was just those crazy South Americans till I read a little more. Apparently lots of people have themselves crucified for various reasons. Nutbags.

Now I don't mean to split hairs, its just something that happens. But is it technically crucifiction if you don't die from it? I mean its defined as a type of execution where "The victim was tied or nailed to a large wooden cross and left to hang there until dead." Left until dead. So these demonstrators aren't actually being crucified, right? They're being nailed some wood for a while.

I'm sure its still very painful, its just not an execution. Can people self-immolate without dying? If you ask me calling the act and the near act the same thing cheapens their concepts.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Don't Talk Through My Show.

I just dropped 20 bucks to get in here so sit down, shut-up and turn your damn phone off. Remember back in the days when there were ushers wearing little red vests at the movies? Yeah, me neither. Theaters have had to streamline their work-flows just to squeeze out a profit. Basically that means you're going to buy your ticket at a touchscreen kiosk, wait 20 minutes in line for food with a 300% mark-up, and that there's no one to oversee unruly behavior during the show.

But don't worry, they're working on a fix. Select theaters are handing out remote controls to 'mature' audience members that will alert employees when attention is needed. Its kinda like an air marshal, except his gun shoots ushers instead of bullets. Now I'm all about throwing people out for talking on their phones, but I'm not sure if a teenager in a red vest is the right medium. I want it to be some thing public, something shaming. Something you want never to happen again. So I've come up with a few options:
  1. The movie stops, a spotlight cuts through the pitch black from directly above the phone user and a parabolic mic pumps his conversation over the 7 channel surround sound.
  2. Five men dressed as Storm Troopers charge into the room and escort the offender out at 'laser-point.' He is then taken to a separate room and forced to watch episode one.
  3. A big claw descends from the ceiling grasping the offender by the head and drops him into a slot on the side of the auditorium. He shoots down a slide and ends up in a Chuck E Cheeze and gets left in the parking lot by the 8-year old who won him.
  4. Pee-Wee Herman rushes in doing the secret word dance and screaming and then proceeds to do what he does in movie theaters.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me.

Well social netoworking has hit a new low. Yes, the armies of friend gathering users have a new tool in convincing people that they really are popular. Courtesy of Fakeyourspace (and your monthly service fee) you can have hot models leave you messages on your profile page. Well, probably not hot models. Probably a bunch of nerds that have hot model pictures on their profile. (notice I'm not saying Myspace whores cause that's just not nice.) But it might be just the thing if you wanted to lure in some hot people to be your friends. Kinda like decoys when you're duck hunting. Pull 'em in with a little eye candy, then BAM, those lookers won't know that hit them, friends with a dork.

Happy Freaking World AIDS Day.

Will they hurry up and cure this junx already? They've been soaking up my limelight for 19 years now and I'm getting tired of it. I mean, the world news outlets should be leading their headlines with "Anonymous American Blogger Celebrates Birthday" But noooo... someone had the bright idea to choose today as a worldwide remembrance of the worst infectious disease we have. I did pick up a neat tidbit today though; this is the 25th year since the first case of AIDS was diagnosed. Nifty! And on the downside I just realized I've never lived in a world without AIDS. Great. Way to ruin my day guys.