Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Just Follow Your Creepy ET Finger Home.

Remember the first time you saw a child tethered to a parent with bungee cord? If you're like me, you immediately thought "child on a leash, the next step will be choke collars." Well that may not have happened yet, but I still think those kids are getting treated like pets and are more likely to behave as such.

For more discerning parents, check out this wireless locating device from Dandella. They're wireless devices that glow red when you're headed the wrong way and green when you're getting close. Think of the Hot/Cold game, but useful. Actually, screw wrangling kids, I'm passing these things out next time we go out in the city. Not than anyone ever gets "lost" and needs to be wrangled...

Nothing Beats A Good Kite Festival.

Oh yeah, the tranquil beauty of a kite soaring above. The loops the twists, the oohs, the ahhs, the screams, the gunfire, the wail of ambulances. Sounds great.

You may be saying, 'Wait, haven't I already heard about this? Wasn't there already a kite festival with a tragically high number of deaths?' Yeah, but that was a couple years ago when nine people died in 2004. The government in Pakistan banned in it in 2005, but finally lifted the ban for a few days in 2007. I guess they figured people learned their lesson and would stop using "sharpened kite twine". Well they figured wrong, with 10 (some reports say 11) dead in two days, the government's warning about using razor and glass shards to better your kite's odds were obviously unheeded. But lets not blame this all on the kites, some people got so pumped up about the kites that they couldn't help but fire off a couple shots of celebratory gun fire. But that's not the kite's fault.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Dammit Boston.

You remember that "bomb" scare in Boston a while ago? Yeah, stupid.

I was all up ons Aquateens well before they were a guerrilla terrorist movement. Well I just got an email from CafePress about a couple bumper stickers I made like 6 months ago. I never got around to ordering them, but they've gone under the radar all this time. Now everyone is probably trying to make mooninites shirts and crap, so my junx got taken down. And I'll never have that sweet, sweet sticker. You see what you did Boston? Just cause you're paranoid I can't decorate my damn car. You selfish sons-of...

Don't Nag Me About Putting Beer On My Cereal.

I keep telling you, the Japanese are ten years ahead of us. They've got solutions for problems that we haven't even heard of yet. Like, what do you do when people stop drinking milk? Make beer out of it. Brilliant!

A crafty brewer came up with this solution after last years massive milk surplus. I guess its better than pouring it down the drain. And people say we're the land of excess. Oh wait, we burn food, which making alcohol out of it seems pretty reasonable. Back on top, baby!

Anyway, you're probably not going to see this too soon, right now sales are restricted to six liquor stores in Nakashibetsu, Japan. So unless you've got a serious jonesin for a fruity low-malt milk derivative, you're stuck just dreaming about calcium bed-spins.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Don't Eff With Old People

Sure they may look homely with their sky-blue Sansabelts and hairnets, but those octogenarians can get rough. On a side trip in Puerto Rico, a group of senior citizens from a cruise ship were held up by three assailants. An ex-military passenger got a gunman in a headlock and snapped his neck while the others beat the two remaining criminals off the bus. No charges are being pressed in the incident, authorities say the tourists were in the right. All the passengers intend to continue with the cruise. I guess that's why the phrase isn't "like taking candy from a senior citizen."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Clicky.

My new mouse just came in the mail today. Its pretty sweet, 8 buttons and a scroll wheel. Now I've just got to figure out what to do with them all... Also, I swear that web pages are loading faster. Is it at all possible that when you reward your computer it works better?

Is Your Commute A Blur?

I don't usually read billboards. And when I do they're stupid; with a few exceptions. This is a neat idea from Ford. The "board" is actually a semi-transparent resin that blurs the image behind it. So no, that's not just a picture of the landscape, its real.

Jalopnik: New Ford Billboard to Further Confuse Drunk Drivers

Are You A Change Guy?

I am not. That is, whenever I have change it either falls out of my pockets or goes into a drawer full of change at the end of the day. Now, granted I don't use cash very much so its not that big a problem, and I don't really mind having a drawer full of change. But I just bought my lunch with exact change and I kinda liked it. So I think I'm gonna make an effort to carry 99 cents around with me whenever I can. Course the bums will probably hear me coming from a block away but that's the price of being prepared. Just remember: 4,3,2,1.

4 pennies
3 quarters
2 nickles
1 dime

How Much Do I Pay For Ads?

I've got internet on my phone. Its that kind that you connect up and use your minutes for god-awful-slow data transfer on a tiny and crippled browser. It sucks, but I can check my gmail, find a movie time, or if I'm crafty directions to somewhere. The start page is Verizon's half page add and news I don't care about page that I have to wait for before I can type in a url and get the hell out of there. That's my experience with mobile adds, so you can understand why I'm not pumped up about Yahoo! coming up with mobile ads. I don't have enough screen space and bandwidth to support that crap. Oh and you're not supplementing my connection charge (granted I'd probably be using their service, but google doesn't have adds so I'll just stick with them) so you can get lost. Again.

DownloadSquad: Yahoo! mobile phone ads coming soon

Ask Again Later...

Can't decide what to do for lunch? Let the Internet decide for you! The wheel of food takes a zip code and creates a random pinwheel populated with restaurants nearby. I guess technically it can be the wheel of whatever since you specify the query, but I'm constantly up against the "I don't care what I eat" rock and "I really should get something" hard place. Take it for a spin, you've got enough decisions to make today.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Electric Minimalist.

Alright, I'm thinking hard about how to get one of these. I mean, I already get my groceries delivered to me. What else do I need a trunk for? Its a new concept from Carver in Sweden. They've merged a motorcycle and a car to get... well you really have to watch the videos to get it. But its a three wheel vehicle that seats two passengers cockpit style. The drive system is located over the two rear wheels and the passenger compartment banks up to 45 degrees into the turns. The hybrid version will get 100mpg and top out at 100mph, reaching 60mph in 6 seconds. And you can charge it from a 100 volt outlet. Is there a list or something I can get on?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The NFL Is Full Of It.

You know what I'm talking about. Those warnings at the beginning of football games that say "you can't use this telecast, or any representation of the events that are about to transpire without the commissioner of football personally coming to your house and patting your butt. Oh and the NFL now owns your dog too." Seems unreasonable doesn't it? Well it is, and a law professor was using it as an example of copyright holders exaggerating their rights. She used a short snippet (just the copyright warning) for educational purposes, which you might think would fall under fair use. But the NFL disagrees and sent her a DMCA takedown notice. Ah yes, the DMCA (that wonderfully thought out and well justified corporate fire blanket) strikes again. This but this time the irony of a false DMCA claim to shut someone up for pointing out false copyright claims is just too much. What kind of abuses are going to make our law makers take another look at this misguided and easily exploited law?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Liquid Anger.

See? I'm not the only one who's pissed off about stuff all the time. There's Joel Johnson formerly of Gizmodo, who came back with a scathing diatribe about bleeding edge junkies. For all my talk about shiny new toys, I absolutely agree. People plunk down their cash way to early after hearing about "the next big thing." The last thing I bought was my tv a year ago and I researched and deliberated the crap out of that purchase. Granted, I was about 4 millimeters from buying a Helio phone last week, but Verizon ended up saving me with their early service termination fee. Thanks Verizon, you're my buddy.

Anyway, Joel goes off in a very amusing article about how every one who reads and writes this stuff is an idiot. I especially like: "clogging up the pipe like retarded salmon" that's good condescension and rich imagery.

Next up is Kevin Cowherd who's had it up to here with the trash that is local news. We got a little snow yesterday, not really enough to shut down a city, but they found something to talk about. Ice. Its dangerous, its right outside, and it wants to kill you. His send-up isn't quite as biting as the last one but its what everyone is thinking.
"The report featured a parka-clad reporter demonstrating how to shovel the slush on the sidewalk, as if we lived in Barbados and no one had ever seen slush before."
We should all print out copies of this and send it to the TV news rooms. Cause I'm not going to put the time and effort into writing down how stupid they are. I can't wait till the first sensationalist TV news report about how TV news stations sensationalize stories. "tonight at 11, you trust them with your life, but they may be lying to you. Tune in to see how irresponsible reporting is killing America."

99% Complete Doesn't Count.

Think-Of-The-Children-ist Jack Thompson is pushing a bit of legislation through the Senate that would require video game raters to have played the entire game before rating it. Yeah, we're back to the "hot coffee" hack in San Andreas again. Just when you thought people could move on. Jack, when is the last time you played a video game, let alone a masterpiece like San Andreas? Techdirt thinks we should make him play it before he gets his way, just so he can see how impossible his proposal is.

That's right, you have to get all the oysters, the horseshoes, the snapshots, the tags. You have to beat all the mini races, all the properties, all the derbies and collect all the cars. The taxi misions, the ambulance missions, the firetruck missions, the vigilante missions, the garbage truck missions, the car dealer missions, the pizza delivery missions, the airplane missions, the hovercraft missions. You have to beat all the arcade games in the convenience stores night clubs, bars and restaurants. Oh, and you have to beat the actually storyline of the game, which is a feat in itself. And after you did all that you still would not have found the hot coffee hack because its not part of any of that stuff. So you have to try out all the cheat codes, all the mod items, the easter eggs, all the post-consumer additions. And when you resurface after about 10 months straight you won't care that a couple of fictional people got it on cause you'll love the game. You'll have played out all your frustrations and realized how wonderful it is. Oh and there's 5 more of them. I'm pretty sure Rockstar can produce this outstanding material faster than you can consume it. Remember, Vice City Stories is coming...

Cheapskate.

Whatever you did for Valentine's Day sucked.  Just check out what you could have done if you really loved her...  For a mere $1,069,000 you get a presidential suite, six course dinner, diamond necklace and earrings, gold cuff links, and black and red Bentley Continental GT.  Now before you go jumping to conclusions about that being a terribly expensive car, it only accounts for $193,000 of the package.  The second course of dinner, that's probably where most of the money is going.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Ocean Motion

Wave power is something that I don't really think about all that much when I consider clean alternative power sources. Normally my thoughts drift straight to solar and wind and then on to the dreamy hunk that is fusion. But that may be off base. Here's a presentation by Max Carcas of Ocean Power Delivery at a Google Tech Talk.

The presentation is about an hour long but it gives great details about the actual device as well as energy potential, market and economics of wave power. Watch the video if you have the time he's much better at explaining it than I am, but I'll put some of my notes below. Skip to about 26:00 for video of the wave tank simulation.

Solar currently generates 100 watts per square meter, wind 1000 watts per square meter while wave power houses the potential for 20,000- 70,000 watts per square meter depending on teh region. Wave energy can be thought of as compressed stored wind energy.

Waves are a highly forecastable energy source, which is a major concern with wind and solar generation. Output, even without forecasting, can be held constant within a 5 and 10% threshold.

The device is called "Pelamis" (a type of sea snake) for its vertical and horizontal motion as waves pass under it. It resides in an optimal depth of 80m which is 2-10km from shore depending on the region. At this depth the waves are not compressed by the shore and retain more energy while remaining in a non-volatile state (not breaking).

A single unit is 140m long and 3.5m wide with 4 rigid sections and 3 joints that contain pneumatic actuators. The joints move up and down as well as side to side at non uniform angles to induce a kind of harmonic tuning that is used to maximize the power output depending on the type of wave. That single unit will average around 750 KW output which is enough for about 500 homes.

The device is designed to be survivable with "load shedding" as an innate feature of the design. If a large wave is encountered it will simply pass through the wave rather than rising too high on a crest and breaking apart. This is much the same as the way that wind turbines can feather in excess wind or a hydro-electric plant can discharge excess water.

The technology was designed using existing technology as a guide. Natural gas, Oil and various other marine industries have developed standards couplings and materials that are well suited to this type of environment. The device itself employs very few revolutionary, and untested, modules which makes it very reliable.

The current cost of deployment per kwh is above wind but below solar. There is a distinct trend in applications of new technologies that cost drops fairly dramatically as process is streamlined and technologies refined. Wind turbine prices have dropped 80% since the first wind turbine project; so one might make an educated guess that a similar trend will follow for wave power. Government subsidies generally provide incentive to new projects during the first few years to help with this innovation cost hurdle, as we've done for solar and wind.

Shoveling Out.

Here's a few time sensitive links that I'm just now clearing out of the bottom of the tray.  I know they would have been much better on time, but better late than never, right?

Ah good, political maneuvering isn't just restricted to "think of the children" internet and tv campaigns.   We shall, slowly but surely, ban being stupid in the United States. Either that or choke everyone to death in paperwork trying.

And that crazy astro-wannabe-murderer chick.  Kinda weird, but honestly I don't get the shock everyone went through.  Well educated people have just as much right to ruin their lives with poor decisions as anyone else.  The At Large Blog had a nice idea though.  She was in space...  Maybe something happened.  She coulda been bombarded by cosmic rays, picked up some kinda symbian, or the ever-popular body snatched and replaced with a clone/robot.  Its not unprecedented...

I made some wild claims about electric power and cars the other day and this was what I was thinking of.  330 GW might seem like a lot of power, but its only enough to provide for: Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, and North Carolina.  AND allow for a 50% increase in usage in those states.  Lets go dig up Alaska and ship fuel across the continent or burn food instead of building some damn windmills.  (whoa, the sarcasmometer is off the chart!)  They also talk about using cars to help store energy for peak hours.

And just in case you didn't hear, the less optimistic bunch (or more prepared bunch, depending on your outlook) are just assuming that something bad (I mean worse that what we've got now) is going to happen to our environment.  And in true bomb-shelter-in-the-backyard style are building a doomsday vault to house specimen of seed.  Cause whether you think we'll be repopulating the world, colonizing mars or terraforming a whole new planet after we blow ours up, its harder without plants.  Mostly the food part.  Or the shade.  Or the oxygen.  I mean, sure, we could probably work out ways around some of that stuff.  But if you ever get egotistical enough to think we don't need plants, or that we're more valuable than plants are, just notice that you don't see plants digging a bunker to store your seed for after the end of the world..

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Work-From-Home Soldiering

OK, so this video has to be fake. Otherwise why do we have any people over there at all? The adaptiveness and anthropomorphism of this robot are definitely past the uncanny valley where human beings reject robots because they act too human-like. Something about robots carrying Ak-47's just rubs me the wrong way. I mean they should have built-in weapons systems, so that there's a chance something might misfire. Ak's are money every whichway you test them. Watch how it moves; recoiling from nearby bullet hits. There's no way a real robot reacts that way yet; right? Otherwise, watch out Boston and the overactive graffiti crowd that like to patronize your provocatively vacant walls...

Send Grandma Up The River.

That means 'to jail', right? The new anti-gambling frenzy the US has taken lately is fairly bizarre. They're taking to jailing anyone even associated with online gambling. Well watch out cause they've got one high profile bar matron in custody for running a $50 superbowl pool. Yeah that's right, a 73 year old great-grandmother could face a year in the slammer for something that pretty much everyone in your office did. We've got to make an example out of her though, otherwise people might start thinking that gambling is reasonable.

Asleep Is The New Brown Bag.

Apparently some people take sleep walking to the next level; which is, of course, sleep copulating. Yes, these folk are dead asleep but their spouses can attest they are by no means tranquil. Subjects are often quite different in style and virtually no idea what happens while asleep. Wow, wake me when its over takes on all new meaning.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Rack Em Up.

Yeah, people should put their damn carts back, not leave them drifting around in the parking lot.  (or try to take them home)  And I'm pretty sure if I was one of those "cart boys" I'd yell at everyone who just pushes it aside when they're done.  But honestly, how long of an article do you need about "return carts to the supermarket month"?

I Bet Crude Oil Tastes Great!

Ethanol gets me so riled up. I mean, sure its a great way to stop using foreign oil and prop up the sagging farm industry. You know, aside from its general inefficiency, its failure to address the Neanderthalic burning-stuff-for-power lack of innovation, and the destruction of a perfectly useful commodity. People have been taking it up lately because that's a great way to impress the middle of the country. You know that same, unimproved commodity you're been growing all your life? Well turns out that it just got 7 times more expensive! Bullshit.

You want to grow power? Plant a field full of photo voltaic cells that do a much better job of harnessing sunlight and turning it into usable fuel. And I won't need to subsidize you cause it won't be ridiculously expensive to turn a mild profit.

Sorry I finally got around to watching "Who Killed the Electric Car" so I'm very angry about inferior alternatives being pushed out because they may benefit a small subset of people for a short time. These hydrogen and ethanol technologies that are the "salvation of the energy dependence" completely fail to address the issue of environmental efficacy. Electric cars have been around since the beginning of cars, but we've been distracted all this time by a better advertised, but less effective, alternative. Don't get suckered in again. Don't buy an "efficient" 42mpg hybrid, don't wait around 5 years for a "where the hell will the fuel come from, oh its expensive and inefficient to create" hydrogen drive vehicle. There are gigawatts of electricity out there in wind, sunlight, and waves just waiting to be harvested. And electric cars the possess durability and performance to make use of that free power NOW, without the need to throw billions into "future research".

So next time you feel pressured to use one of these "new innovations" in fuel, reply that you're more temped to crack open a can of 10W-30 instead of Gatorade at the gym.

Friday, February 09, 2007

What? This ISN'T My Car?

Ah the old switcheroo turned accidental car thief.  Its a story as old as the '85 Camry.  A mother went to pick up her daughter's car from school and used the key to open, start and drive home in the wrong grey Camry.  The victim doesn't blame the mother but said " Her key fit not only my lock, but my ignition as well - so high-five for Toyota, I guess."  A spokesman from Toyota said this was due to the key technology of two decades ago.  Hmm... yeah 4,000 years of using locks, but in the last 20 we finally figured out how to make different keys.  Sounds like you guys were just lazy.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

TV Is Going To End Up A Prescription Drug In America.

A doctor's note is required before engaging in reading this post.  Alright, by now you've heard that the mechanic-on-mechanic snickers action has been pulled from the lineup.  Yeah, I didn't need to see that anyway, it gave me the jibbles. (here they come again)  But now an anti-suicide group is going after that commercial where the unemployed robot jumps off a bridge (even though it turns out it was only a dream).  Yeah, it makes fun of depressed people and falsely gives them hope that jumping off a bridge is the solution.  I mean, do you know how many people survive jumping off bridges?  Buildings are where its at.  And that commercial wasn't even original; it was just a larger scale ripoff of an Ikea commercial where the family gets a new lamp and the old one sits dejected on the curb.  I'm so tired of people being personally offended and making it a public issue.  Maybe you need to man up.  What's next, keep them from showing "Its a Wonderful Life" at Christmas?  Give me a break.

But We Already Have a Logo.

Poor Google, those Europeans just don't understand that its best for us all to just shut-up and do what Google says.  First all those news websites suing for infringing content cause Google News linked to their articles.  And now they've lost the broad European trademark for GMail to a letter delivery service in Germany.  Like actual letters, not e-letters or anything.  They tried to buy the name off Daniel Giersch for 250,000 but it was no deal.  GMail is apparently too well established in Germany for him to give it up.  Google also lost out in the UK where GMail is an analytical software package.

I think they should take the high road and name their service "GermanyMail".  Or if that's already taken, how about "GierschMail"?

Hello, [reader name], Nice Day To Read Blags, Isn't It?

This is kinda funny.  If you're not creeped out about surveillance and tracking and whatnot.  Mini owners (the car, not small persons who hold property) in major cities that enroll in a program will see personalized messages displayed on Mini billboards as they drive by.  The system works by retrieving data wirelessly from the key fob in the car and generates a message based on survey information the user has filled out.  (Like telling Kate that its a nice day for her convertible)  Kind of neat but also kind of weird that people volunteer to be advertised to about a product they've obviously already bought.

I could see someone striking up a deal with EZpass to do much the same thing; of course it'd have to be an opt-in situation or risk massive privacy invasion.

Take Your Censor And Cram It... Into Your Living Room.

Yes!  Roll this out into every American's home today!  Well, maybe just to everyone who complains about the language and suggestive content on TV.  I'm mostly unsympathetic to these folks; if you don't want to see it, don't watch it.  Pretty simple, don't go complaining to the censors every time your virgin eyes get molested.  I know we've got the rating system and we've got the v-chip, but that's apparently too hard to use.  Enter the personal TV censor.  Its like having a 1950's school teacher running the volume control in your living room.  Every time she sees a dirty word pop up in the closed captioning the TV mutes for a second.

Yeah, the first thing I thought when I read this was "but the closed captioning is a little behind the audio on most shows."  So you'd just end up bleeping some innocuous word a few seconds after the eff bomb.  Whatever, I don't care, cause I'm not getting one.  No one is getting one.  But I feel like this idea is important because but it'll help crystallize the issue.  You are responsible for the content you consume, just like food.  Sure, the government may have regulations about packaging and labeling, but if you want to eat spam you're allowed to eat spam.  People aren't complaining because they're accidentally exposing themselves to objectionable content.  (dammit, I was at the grocery store looking for healthy food and I accidentally opened and ate a can of spam, even though it was clearly marked as such)  They don't want you to expose yourself to that content.  And they don't have that right.

Robot Valets Before Robot Butlers?

Check out this swank parking garage in New York.  Its clean and well lit and for robots only.  Cause lets face it, you let people into a parking garage and they're just going to gunk it up with chewing gum and urine.  Basically you let this robotic car jukebox park you car for you instead of screeching around corners looking for a spot before that soccer mom can get to it.  The space in this particular case went from a 24 spot mini lot to a 67 car sardine can that would make an aircraft carrier jealous.  (if you've never been on an aircraft carrier, trust me, its a tight fit.)  But its the all mechanical attendants that keep people from wasting space by parking with enough room to actually get out the door.

The only humans on hand will be collecting cash, because you just can't trust those robot bastards with money.

Heh, robot bastards always shorting the till.  This sounds pretty good (aside from the reports of dropped and stuck cars) as a second option if I can't have my George Jetson car that folds into a briefcase.

Busy Busy.

Ok, I took care of some stuff and I have a whole list of things piled up to blag about. I bet you didn't hit up Daily Placebo Too in the absence of real posts did you? Well its on like a large ape rolling barrels down steel girders. So don't even bother now.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Feck you.

Yeah, I've got shit to talk about, did it ever occur to you that I've got better shit to do? Well It appears I don't at 12:18 in the morning, so here we go:

Uh... underground highways, aren't you guys about 50 years too late? I mean, sure I've had visions of the interstate system in a huge tube, no animals in, no emissions out, but that's just silly. Building highways underground at this point looks to be little better than putting walls around freeways. Those retaining walls hold less noise than a three fingered beggar holds ball bearings.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Bike What?

I thought the reason all these bike persons we better than me was cause they don't need any of my technology to help them out. Bikes are the same as they've been for the last 50 years, and they don't need any help or imagination. The folks in Norway disagree, cause they've got some steep as shit hills there. So the "bike Trampe" is well received, and authorities say that an uphill escalator for bikes has increased bike usage in the last year.

We Don't Need Roads.

Next up, there's DMC. Yeah you only know about them causa 'Back to the Future' and its a passing fancy at that. Well there's a new DMC these days and they cater to providing parts and service to original DMC customers. Well, their web site lists a flux capacitor for 6 grand, mostly as a head nod, and and a hover conversion for 12 grand. It was all good and fun till someone actually ordered the items. Now they've taken the parts off their site and no one loves anything anymore. Hope you're happy.

Mooninites Invade Boston!

Uh, you probably think that's funny if you've seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force before. If not you may be calling some kind of bomb squad. Well, let me dissuade you. Its a stupid cartoon, not an IDE. Trust me. Apparently the Adult Swim guys thought it'd be cool to promote the Aqua Teens by placing lighted signs around Boston and other cities. And the freaks around Boston think they're so important that anything out of the ordinary must be an act of violence. Now, I haven't been able to find a picture of one of these signs but I can't imagine thinking one of them is a bomb. The bomb squads said that they "contained an electronic circuit board with some components that were 'consistent with an improvised explosive device,' but they said it had no explosives." So they blew them up. Uhhh... isn't an IED pretty much any kind of circuitry with explosives? You know, cell phones, clocks, sensors. WITH explosives. Yeah, that's great. "We don't know what this is. Well explode it before it explodes us." I hate being associated to this fearful and prejudicial social climate.
Update
Here's a couple links to Flickr galleries with the "devices"


Yeah, those are not bombs.