Worried about the robot revolution? You might want to keep an eye on this place. A new theme park in Dubai is set to begin construction, featuring life-size robotic dinosaurs. I know what you're thinking: real dinosaurs can't be contained by electric fences and tranquilizer guns, how the hell do they expect to control goddamn robotic dinosaurs?
Well, I assume they'll come with some kind of three laws programming that will go horribly wrong, turning the giant metal lizards into killing machines. And you can bet your sweet butt that, when the first of these escapes its enclosure and goes on a mauling spree, its gonna take a lot more than three cops with handguns to bring it down. Especially with the Kevlar scales and razor sharp pneumatic fangs. Yeah. So what is our glimmering hope? Two words: EMP. Of course I imagine when you take down a real thunder lizard you get 24-28 months worth of kickass barbecue instead of dino-shaped scrap metal.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Want To Hunt Endangered Tigers?
Just sign up with the San Francisco police department. They had a Christmas day tiger hunt in the zoo juts before closing time. "Tatiana" has mysteriously escaped from her enclosure and mauled three people, killing one, before police officers brought her down. No word yet on if the officers will be allowed to stuff and mount the cat for their living room. I'm gonna be extra nice to the giant predators next time I swing by the zoo. Holy feline batman, what do you do if a 300 lb tiger thinks you're a chew toy? This is the strongest argument for the 2nd amendment I've heard all year.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I Swear I'm Not Fascist.
A Lakota group is renouncing treaties with the US Government and pushing to become an independent nation. Seems like this might not pan out too well. First off your major proponent is named "Russell Means" which doesn't sound like a very good Indian name. You want me to believe you're serious about being an independent Indian nation, you'd better change your name. Some thing like "Russell Means Business" or "Not Joking Bear". It costs $34.95 to register a name change with the South Dakota state government.
Secondly, they're inviting Lakota and people that live in the various parts of North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana to renounce their US citizenship and live tax free under their jurisdiction. Somehow forfeiting my citizenship to live in an unofficial landlocked nation with no treaties doesn't sound too appealing. But hey, maybe there's other factors at play here. I didn't sit down with Mr. Russell Means Business to conduct a fake interview.
Alright, you're starting a new country, what are its selling points?
Well, no taxes. And we'll foster the Native American culture and way of life.
I'm not sure I know what that means. How is the quality of life over there?
Teen suicides are 150 percent above the norm for the United States; infant mortality is five times higher than the US average; and unemployment is rife.
...really? That sounds pretty bad.
No, it'll be cool. We're gonna issue driver's licenses and passports. And the public officials will be informally elected by the tribal elders.
You've really thought this through. Oligarchy, that's a ballsy play; especially with a cowboy president ramming democracy down peoples' throats half a world away.
I spose.
But driver's licenses? Cars? And paved roads? How are you gonna pay for any of this with no taxes?
Well, there'll be gambling.
What the hell's your problem?
You took our land.
Yep. I spose so. Then we instituted a global climate where it isn't cool to gank peoples' land. You shoulda though of that way earlier.
You're stealing our culture.
Uh... stealing implies that we want it and took it. Just because something is disappearing doesn't mean someone else is taking it. Like evaporation... or selfrespect.
Our land is our culture.
Oh. That's weird. You shouldn't have let us have it.
I didn't let you have it.
And I didn't take it; I'm glad we're on the same page here.
This land is my ancestral right.
And I think that's super. But unfortunately history is a fickle bitch and you guys came out on the ass end.
That's not really fair.
You're catching on. The good news is that you can walk off the reservation any time you want and join our melting pot society where everyone's heritage is simultaneously exploited and ignored for corporate gain.
Secondly, they're inviting Lakota and people that live in the various parts of North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana to renounce their US citizenship and live tax free under their jurisdiction. Somehow forfeiting my citizenship to live in an unofficial landlocked nation with no treaties doesn't sound too appealing. But hey, maybe there's other factors at play here. I didn't sit down with Mr. Russell Means Business to conduct a fake interview.
Alright, you're starting a new country, what are its selling points?
Well, no taxes. And we'll foster the Native American culture and way of life.
I'm not sure I know what that means. How is the quality of life over there?
Teen suicides are 150 percent above the norm for the United States; infant mortality is five times higher than the US average; and unemployment is rife.
...really? That sounds pretty bad.
No, it'll be cool. We're gonna issue driver's licenses and passports. And the public officials will be informally elected by the tribal elders.
You've really thought this through. Oligarchy, that's a ballsy play; especially with a cowboy president ramming democracy down peoples' throats half a world away.
I spose.
But driver's licenses? Cars? And paved roads? How are you gonna pay for any of this with no taxes?
Well, there'll be gambling.
What the hell's your problem?
You took our land.
Yep. I spose so. Then we instituted a global climate where it isn't cool to gank peoples' land. You shoulda though of that way earlier.
You're stealing our culture.
Uh... stealing implies that we want it and took it. Just because something is disappearing doesn't mean someone else is taking it. Like evaporation... or selfrespect.
Our land is our culture.
Oh. That's weird. You shouldn't have let us have it.
I didn't let you have it.
And I didn't take it; I'm glad we're on the same page here.
This land is my ancestral right.
And I think that's super. But unfortunately history is a fickle bitch and you guys came out on the ass end.
That's not really fair.
You're catching on. The good news is that you can walk off the reservation any time you want and join our melting pot society where everyone's heritage is simultaneously exploited and ignored for corporate gain.
Brazilian Art Heist.
Police to fly in Rene Russo to question/seduce local billionaires.
It always amazes me that bank jobs and art heists still happen. With all the technology and security on hand you'd think people would think of new targets. Its almost as if, since it happens in movies, I don't think people really steal stuff like that. I dunno, give me another beer.
It always amazes me that bank jobs and art heists still happen. With all the technology and security on hand you'd think people would think of new targets. Its almost as if, since it happens in movies, I don't think people really steal stuff like that. I dunno, give me another beer.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I Can't Believe I Signed The WHOLE Thing.
Really? 35mpg by 2020? Why not go really crazy and mandate all remaining non-hover cars equipped with radial tires by 2074? What do you think gas is gonna cost by 2020? The legislation of such a lackluster pace is a smack in the face. If demand hasn't driven the auto industry to higher levels of efficiency by 2020 we all deserve a smack in the face. (Face if we're lucky.) This is like the middle school gym coach making everyone run a mile in under 13 hours, that harsh slave-driving bastard.
Lets be clear here, 35 is the minimum, ok? Now its up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile. We want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare
minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we
encourage that, ok?
Lets be clear here, 35 is the minimum, ok? Now its up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile. We want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare
minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we
encourage that, ok?
What Comes After Pre-Ripped Jeans But Before Pre-Vomited Beer?
Bold strides are made in pre-fabricated lives this week as consumers can now buy pairs of socks pre-mismatched. Pairs that do not match; is that an oxymoron? Maybe just for morons. Thanks, but I can mismatch my own damn socks. It actually takes very little effort if you can believe it. Why can't people take the time to break in their own jeans or fail to pair their socks? Is life in the 21st century really so hectic? Next thing you know couches will have pre-lived stress marks from a factory technician (aka ass groove) and your beer will have been drank and puked up by a professional drunk. It takes a brilliant mind to realize that, with the right lighting, you can sell used shit for more.
Ever Hear Of Priorities?
Baseball doping? Pool drain covers? Next week Congress is expected to pass a quarter it swallowed when it was 3.
Are these really matters that need to be handled by a federal legislative body? Don't you guys have more pressing matters to rally around? I could see creating some kind of consumer protection agency, that's the kinda stuff I expect at a national level, but telling companies not to make a specific product that kills little girls seems like micromanagement to me. I'm not sure who you think you're fooling with this "Won't somebody please think of the children" (wsptc) legislation.
And if you wanna make HGH illegal you should be talking to scientists and medical professionals, not trying to find out which of your heroes that play a child's game might have been hopped up on horse pills. Nutt-up and write some professional caliber bills or just start taking 10 month vacations cause I'm tired of hearing about every High School Square Dance where you ban obscene grinding. (No, I have no idea what that means)
Are these really matters that need to be handled by a federal legislative body? Don't you guys have more pressing matters to rally around? I could see creating some kind of consumer protection agency, that's the kinda stuff I expect at a national level, but telling companies not to make a specific product that kills little girls seems like micromanagement to me. I'm not sure who you think you're fooling with this "Won't somebody please think of the children" (wsptc) legislation.
And if you wanna make HGH illegal you should be talking to scientists and medical professionals, not trying to find out which of your heroes that play a child's game might have been hopped up on horse pills. Nutt-up and write some professional caliber bills or just start taking 10 month vacations cause I'm tired of hearing about every High School Square Dance where you ban obscene grinding. (No, I have no idea what that means)
Where There's Smoke, There's Humor.
"Mr President, this is why I was against you using your George Foreman grill in bed."
Oh, wait. The smoke was coming from the Executive Office Building next to the White House proper. Revise that caption:
"The Vice President tries out a new enhanced interrogation technique he lovingly refers to as 'fire-boarding'".
Keep Your Trap Shut.
Ever had a cop ask you if you know why he's pulled you over? Its a trick man. He just wants you to blurt out "cause I've got a body in my trunk?". Fishing for dirt. I mean, sure he's got you on something, or else he wouldn't be able to stop you, right? Apparently not in California where cops are pulling people over to give them Starbucks gift cards. ...wait for it... WTF? I dunno about you, but I'd be pretty pissed off if a cop rolled up behind me, flashed his lights and sauntered up to give me mochachino bucks. But maybe that's just my irrational fear of authority.
Isn't this illegally detaining someone? I mean I'm not allowed to keep going, so I'm being delayed against my will with no probable cause. If some random guy wants to give me a present he can honk his horn and flash his brights all he wants, but I'm not legally bound to yield to him. Sounds like an abuse of power for purposes of holiday cheer.
Wouldn't any evidence found in traffic stop like that be inadmissible anyway? So you're basically turning law enforcement officers into compulsory ice cream men. Great job.
Isn't this illegally detaining someone? I mean I'm not allowed to keep going, so I'm being delayed against my will with no probable cause. If some random guy wants to give me a present he can honk his horn and flash his brights all he wants, but I'm not legally bound to yield to him. Sounds like an abuse of power for purposes of holiday cheer.
Wouldn't any evidence found in traffic stop like that be inadmissible anyway? So you're basically turning law enforcement officers into compulsory ice cream men. Great job.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Save The World And Improve Your Self Image.
Finally some good news. (yeah that solar panel is good news, but we all knew that was coming) Turns out Pursuit Dynamics has been working on a more energy efficient way to brew beer. Hell yeah. They shoot steam at supersonic speeds, drastically reducing the energy required to boil wort. Normally I worry about the cost of my beer conveyances (bags, boxes, bottles, cans) but hardly ever consider the environmental costs of preparing the frosty beverages at the getgo.
Hopefully this technique will prove vastly superior, or at least get other brewers thinking about alternative methods too. This is the kinda thing I really get stoked about, saving 40% of heating costs, because the way to really tackle conservation is to refine efficient production and make the most of the energy we have. Make better use of renewable resources and consume less; not figure out ways to keep expending the same energy from different sources.
Oh, P.S.
That solar panel is the cheapest production solar panel to date from NanoSolar. It contains no silicon and hits the 99 cent/watt point that analysts theorize is the breaking point with coal power. That is solar is now priced competitively with coal without the emissions; and the technology will only improve in efficiency over the coming months.
P.P.S.
Check out this town in Italy that is powered 100% by renewable resources. They combine wind, solar and hydro-power to meet all the energy demands and rake in about half a million dollars in government supplements to boot. Also their food is almost entirely supplied by local organic farmers. Basically they're kicking everyone's ass.
Hopefully this technique will prove vastly superior, or at least get other brewers thinking about alternative methods too. This is the kinda thing I really get stoked about, saving 40% of heating costs, because the way to really tackle conservation is to refine efficient production and make the most of the energy we have. Make better use of renewable resources and consume less; not figure out ways to keep expending the same energy from different sources.
Oh, P.S.
That solar panel is the cheapest production solar panel to date from NanoSolar. It contains no silicon and hits the 99 cent/watt point that analysts theorize is the breaking point with coal power. That is solar is now priced competitively with coal without the emissions; and the technology will only improve in efficiency over the coming months.
P.P.S.
Check out this town in Italy that is powered 100% by renewable resources. They combine wind, solar and hydro-power to meet all the energy demands and rake in about half a million dollars in government supplements to boot. Also their food is almost entirely supplied by local organic farmers. Basically they're kicking everyone's ass.
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