Me? Perceptive?

Those of you who know me might be aware of my general lack of awareness of other people; their feelings and general bidness. So when I tell you that during my conference in Palm Springs I had a lingering feeling that the town was frequented by, if not overrun with older gay gentlemen, you should keep in mind that this is me talking. There weren't any real factual details, you know the kind I base pretty much all my decisions and assumptions on, just little things. Like pairs of older men walking around together. Could have been anything, and who am I to cast stereotypes?

Anyway, it came to my last day and I was sitting a the bar waiting for my flight. This guy and I started talking a little, he was in town with his family visiting his brother. He's concocted a scheme to have the bartender card the brother and give him a hard time with the ID since he was coming from a botox appointment. Everyone had a good laugh at his disbelief that this bartender was about to refuse to serve him. So we sat and had a couple beer waiting for the wife and kids to show up for dinner. When they got up to leave, the brother said to me:

Good luck... And be careful... A handsome man like you in this town...

This town? Now I'm not one to shirk a compliment but the lingering pat/rub on the back was a little akward for someone of my particular persuasion. So turns out I may have been onto something that whole time. Mothers, lock up your GIS analysts. Who knew?

The US Census bureau and Wikipedia, aparently:

The current gay and lesbian population in Palm Springs is estimated to be about seven times the national average.

• Wikipedia - Palm Springs, CA

Kinda makes me think I should do more homework before traveling to new places.

Tiny Baubbles, In My Gear.

It seems a class of article I really like is new materials and fabrics. Nanotech is pretty exciting in producing fundamentally different building blocks that would seem to break traditional preconceptions.

We'll start of with a non-textile revolution. Liquid bandages rated for combat sized wounds will change the way field medicine is practiced. Pretty soon everyone will carry a tube of glue that can seal up previously fatal blood loss. And I image you can use it on your paper cuts too.

• Military-grade gel-based liquid bandages approved by the FDA - Engadget

Anti-taser material provides protection from electric shock like would be delivered by a standard taser to the torso. Guess the cops will have to start aiming for skin pretty soon.

• Thor Shield ensures you can't tase me, bro! - Engadget

Next up is a nano-engineering feat that could keep the rain out of your face; with out using a windshield wiper. The layered materials combine to provide an active nano-"dust" layer that pushes debris to the sides of the surface. Talk about sufficiently advanced science, this is no doubt magic.

• Wiperless windshields in your future? Thanks, nanotech. - Engadget

I've always been amazed at the way skin reseals itself, given enough time and cleanliness. Cut yourself? Just leave it alone and after a while it'll be good as new. They're working on a rubber than will reconnect after being cut, more like a glue but with substance. So don't worry about duct-taping leaks in your garden hose. That's so 90's.

• Synthetic rubber mends itself after being sliced - Engadget

And don't worry about sporting your stab-vest on the streets or Europe. There's a new material that claims to provide similar protection but has the weight quality of a t-shirt. The article says that it can be penetrated by "sharp points" so I spose its more protection against being slashed, I'm mot sure. But they're on the right track.

• Nihon Uni shirts resist stabbing, make you feel like a superhero - Engadget

So, some pretty exciting stuff, although I'm still waiting for that spandex super G skiers wear to trickle down to the consumer market. I'd assumed everyone was as pumped up as I was about everyday armor and wiperless windshields but this survey claims that 66% or Americans think that nano-tech is morally unacceptable. Yeah, I hope you're doing a spit-take like I did at reading that cause its so silly. Do you have a problem with modern farming and immunizations too? Do you refer to airplanes as evil metallic birds? Perhaps you have no idea what nano-tech is or how it benefits us all but just assume that it has something to do with three headed cows and killing babies.

• Two-thirds of Americans think nanotechnology is morally unacceptable -- wait, what? - Engadget

Update:
Ok, so I can technically get that d30 flexible armor stuff, but $350 is still a little steep for a shirt I will only wear so that my friends can hit me with 2x4's.

• Spyder 2007/2008 | Product | | Freeryde | Men's | D3O Armored L/S Crew

A Little Over-Confident?

I'm getting rid of those old items that I've waited to blog about for so long that they've lost my interest. This is not one of those items. Whatch this dude park his Range Rover in... well, lets just say its probably not recommended in the manual. Gold, Jerry, Gold.

• Offbeat News: Probably Not The Best Place To Park Your Range Rover

iPhone Breakthrough.

Pff... I've had dopewars on my phone for months and months and months...

• Dope Wars - Featured on BuzzFeed

Czar You Crazy?

Does any one else find the growing use of "Czar" as a government position as disconcerting as I do? Of course I still shudder every time I hear someone say "homeland" security, so maybe I'm just semantically senstitive.

• Sizing up the new US cybersecurity czar

Breaking The System.

Ah crap. Chalk up another of my ideas that someone else got around to inventing first. Well, actually I originally wanted a strip of LEDs on my rear bumper hooked to the tach. They would start in the center a dark blue and spread evenly to both sides changing to a purple as the RPMs climbed. That way people could see when I dropped the hammer on them. After that initial inspiration I decided that the brake lights could have an analog display as well, although I always imagined them in the same configurations the are now. They'd just glow brighter as more deceleration was detected.

But a bunch of brain-wads at Virginia Tech think they have a better system with yellow LEDs in addition to red. Yellow would signal mild slowing, red and yellow for medium and flashing red for crash braking. My first problem with this is the flashing red symbology. Right now that means someone is tapping their breaks; maybe thinking about slowing down. But if this new system takes effect it'll mean that I'm about to hit them.

Second off, I get what they're after. They want to try and avoid those traffic jams caused by people all tapping their brakes. The folks in back aren't sure if they're really slowing down and in turn flash their own brake lights. So maybe a yellow light will dampen this effect. But you'd better do an ass-load of testing before you even think about making us all retrofit our cars on a whim. I don't want to junx up the back of my car, but mostly this is trating the symptoms, not the disease. People suck at driving and shouldn't hit their brakes so readily in traffic. Find a way for people to not suck so bad and you'll really be onto something.

In the mean time, you could implement an analog brake light system in new cars without having to reinvent the whole system for everyone else.

• News: Pretty Soon, Brake Lights May Get A Whole Lot Smarter

Still No DC.

I know, I know. The feds would take you guys to the mat if you actually put pictures of them on the Internet. I mean, just look what happened when you drove past a base entrance. Or the aerial view of Dick's house. But at least acknowledge that DC coverage would be a valuable resource for tourists and local alike. And talk about the reasons you're reluctant to provide this valuable public information. The hassles, the red tape, the paralyzing fear that keeps us sterile and quiet. Treat me like a big boy, I can take it.

• Google LatLong: Street View: expanding our horizons

The Write-Up.

An excerpt from last week follows:

(following a canceled flight, a wasted Sunday, a 4 am cab ride, a 2 hour delay, a 4 hour layover, and missing a quarter of my conference)

It took the last reserve of my "pissed-off" not to smile as I walked out the door of the Palm Springs Airport. The sun shone, the breeze wafted through 85 degree air. Exotic Flowers were in bloom, humming birds flitting here and there - they seem to follow me as I walk. I feel like the main character in a Disney film. The air smells sweet of blossoms and the breeze is awash with grass-clipping scent. The entire city smells like a golf course - which of course makes sense because aside from being completely surrounded by golf courses, everything that is even slightly green in Palm Springs has been irrigated and manicured and preened as if it were a golf course.

I remain convinced , however, that Palm Springs is not a place to live. It carries the air of fantasy, the kind of expectation that is sure to be dashed on rocks of time and reality. Your life cannot be this vacation for the very essence of daily living robs the contrast on which vacation thrives. No, real life should be something you aspire to leave for short bursts of ecstatic variety and return to for the comfort of substance and predictability. Much like a fish may spring from depths to bathe in the glory of flight; he dare not dream of making the sky his home. So too is Palm Springs a fantasy to be lightly indulged and not to be breathed deeply of, for fear of asphyxiation.

But I digress -heavily- I walk the almost-mile to my hotel where I am politely informed that the hotel has been [of course] overbooked and my reservation transfered to another establishment. I briefly contemplate going through the "anyone can take a reservation, but the important part is holding a reservation" bit, but I don't have the energy and haggardly accept. I ask if it is a walkable distance and explain that I had booked this particular hotel because it was in walking distance to my conference. His response is a resolute no and I am given a $20 from the petty cash drawer for taxi fare. He is taken aback to learn that I had walked from the airport, as any typical specimen in Palm Springs, it seems, would have died from such an effort.

I check in to the new hotel and jettison my baggage. I am tired mentally, but will soon be starving if I lay down as my mind would like. So I decide to do the unspeakable, walk to the conference center and snag a meal along the way. Navigating is not difficult; the streets are straight and flat. It is a rest for my weary faculties as well rested legs assume command. I easily pass the midpoint of my round-trip tour and have not seen anything I needed to eat. Stop at a local pizza shop, for fear that I will soon return to my start having forgotten to fuel, and order 4 slices.

I took them on my way to look for a bench, a more difficult task than one may imagine. But I finally did find a stopping place in the winding park near a drying river bed that just longs to be more than a still pond. The breeze caresses past my head and neck; a temperature you couldn't ask more of. A chorus of bullfrogs battles in the stream below; call and response like any good congregation. There's one of the advantages of living in the shadow of a mountain - the sun seems to set but evening drags on for an eternity, dusk can't quite seem to settle on this town. A car drives by and the chorus falls hush. A lone cricket is bold enough to continue. The seconds pass. A thrush launches itself from reeds calling its objection. Slowly the refrain cascades down the bank until full crescendo is again met.

Purple flowers on the hill in front of me begin to lose their color. The first grasp of darkness chokes their brilliance. I begin walking down the river path. Trees are losing their depth, they look like cardboard outlines until I pass and reveal their authenticity. Palm trees across the water blend into a forest of darkness. But the sky is still bright; the mountains a perfect silhouette. I can distinguish individual pines striking out from the treeline's safety. The frogs sound as if they are coming closer.

I reach the road and turn to cross the bridge. Now it sounds as if I'm treading on the night callers themselves. The croaks match my step and I turn to ensure there isn't a sea of mangled amphibians in my wake. I finally spy the bend where my hotel lies. I open the door and throw off my shoes. My socks look as ragged as I feel. I lie on a bed, perhaps the only bed in existence, and try to forget that tomorrow will come. I feel as if I've come to the end of a journey, but unfortunately it has only now begun.

Sucking the life from me.

I like writing, i really do. I know you've got several weeks of evidence to the contrary but you have to realize that I've got other shit going down sometimes. This month in particular happens to be a storm of the aforementioned excretion.

The point here is that i actually started writing some of my thoughts down on paper this week, since I've got paper readily available for note-taking. I noticed that I actually do write all the time, i just normally don't have a method of recording it. And i haven't recorded all my thoughts this week... But I've made a better run at it than usual.

The key is realizing that your normal internal dialog is valuable and not a complete freakshow. Yeah, you think things that no one should ever hear, but the vast majority of your thoughts would be an art, if properly focused.

So, the take home here is not the actual account of what I've written this week (yet) but an observation about modern media. I've been pretty tired a couple nights this week, and although I have narratives I'm aching to conscribe, the lure of tv has snared me. Just an observation, don't let the media stifle your own creativity. Even if its just a stupid blog that no one reads.

Shock and Ap-awe-ll.

I am shocked and appalled at how many men leave the men's room without washing their hands. Ladies, i know you make fun but you don't even know. I've shamed three guys into washing their hands this week by walking in at the split second their brains were deciding not to head towards the sink. Makes you think twice about shaking hands at a conference; but it makes you think even harder about washing your own hands at any given opportunity.

I Am Not A Fact-ologist.

This river carries less water than the sprinkler system at my hotel.

Desert Dessert.

Round 2: Turns out the shell of this is white chocolate, not plastic.

Desert Dessert.

Round 1: I'ma eat 10 of these.

When You Lose The Defibulator Key...

Best locksmith ever.

Yep, i guess that's why you go to palm s

Yep, i guess that's why you go to palm springs.

Pacman moon.

Morning comes later

Do They Fly Planes Outta Here?

Please, can you delay my flight another two hours? I enjoy getting up at four in the morning, taking a cab to the airport, and sitting upright for twelve hours for no reason whatsoever.

A New Low.

I just realized that I've never gone to the airport and FAILED before. I mean, not that I really have that much to do with whether or not my flights are cancled or not; but it seems like something to take off my "lucky" resume. So us air owes me for five hours and a reduced luck index. The only thing that makes this semi palateable is that i get paid for travel time, which i assume includes BS time dicking around at the airport.

Pardon My French.

But fuck US Air. It is now 5 and a half hours after my flight was SUPPOSED to depart and i have finally sat down... At the airport bar. Yes i waited in the longest slowest line I've ever seen just to be told that they can't get me out of here till tomorrow at six. Super. Luckily they gave me a meal voucher that will pay for nearly two beers, so score.

Kittens Are Cute...

But there is no effing way I would punch a python to save one from being eaten. That's just the kinda guy I am. The non-snake kind.

• Warning: Would You Save This Kitten From a Deadly Python? : Environmental News Blog | Environmental Graffiti

Internet-O-Crats.

We're not gonna have online voting until everyone who was born before computers has died. You know, folks like the formerPpolish prime minister who's scared of "young person[s] sitting in front
of a computer, watching video clips and pornography while sipping a
bottle of beer and voting when he feels like it." Voting when you feel like it? No, no, no. That's not the way things are done. He thinks you're easy to manipulate and very suggestible, and as such shouldn't be involved in the democratic process. Of course if you walk down to the poll, you're just as much of an Internet user, but perhaps somehow less easily swayed. (Except by the government that made you go to a polling place instead of voting in your underwear.) No, I'm sorry the correct answer is "I don't think we should have online voting because the opportunity for security breach and lack of physical oversight are unsatisfactory." Of course maybe if you tried using the Internet (or phones, or banks) you'd have some idea how to successfully argue against it.

Hey, Jaroslaw, how about you don't stereotype about Internet users and I won't stereotype about Polish dudes? Deal? Deal.

• Former Polish prime minister opposes online voting, says Internet users are all watching porn - Engadget

So... You Can Just Make Things Up?

Its always interesting when the Catholic Church decides to change something about the way they do business. Seems like most of the dogma is rooted in age-old tradition; except when they decide otherwise. Yes, there are seven more deadly sins out of the Vatican, just in case you had those first seven under control.

1. genetic modification
2. carrying out experiments on humans
3. polluting the
   environment
4. causing social injustice
5. causing poverty
6. becoming
   obscenely wealthy
7. taking drugs

Yep, there's just something about a one word sin that seems more official. Sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath, pride; now those are some solid, well thought out concepts. These new ones are just too wordy; and ironically not wordy enough. Just imagine all those psych students wasting away in a lake of fire for experimenting on humans, dog breeders damned for creating a labradoodle, or just about ever human who's used electricity. Or maybe the doctor providing gene therapy to a child struggling for life, who incidentally is also taking drugs.

Yep, the Catholic Church has done it again. We're all going to hell and need the church more than ever. Oddly enough "becoming obscenely wealthy" seems to exclude those who've already secured their obscene wealth - like the Catholic Church. There's also nothing about child molestation or manipulating people with fear...

• Recycle or go to Hell, warns Vatican - Telegraph

Back To The Dealer.

I've decided that I like owning an Acura. When I bought it I read about all the added service benefits and whatnot. Free roadside assistance, locksmithing, concierge... (whatever that is) But I took my car in yesterday because of some humidity in one of my taillights and it was a surprisingly painless experience. They gave me 2 new taillights, new transmission fluid, and a carwash all for the low price of - nothing. Well, that's not strictly true. I did put two gallons of gas into the loaner TL they gave me, but that's no so bad.

By the way, I don't know if I'll ever be able to seriously test drive another car. The TL handles better than a lot of cars out there and I still felt like I was driving around in a box truck. Don't get me wrong, you push that right pedal and turn the wheel and it hunkers down a bit instead of flipping over like a box truck. But that gentle rocking like ripplets from the breeze is just something that doesn't happen in my car. Of course taking potholes in my car is kinda like smashing your ass on the pavement, so I understand the trade-off. I'm just saying it feels weird.

So while I'm pleased with the service, its not like I'm headed back for every oil change. I'm pretty sure I'll be less pleasantly surprised once they start charging for stuff.

Big Balls.

Its amazing how many videos there are of people getting hit with/ hurting themselves with those big ass balls. Thank goodness for the advent of user-submitted content otherwise I don't know how we would entertain ourselves.

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Take That, Hybrid Campaign.

These fake commercials for hybrid Priussses make me chuckle.  I mean, what's a body-disposing hitman to do?  Not be environmentally conscious?  Come ON!..

Oh, also beyond the immediate humor it drives a stake into the heart of all those snooty hybrid drivers who feel extra good about themselves despite all the other terrible things they do to the environment and the fact that a Prius is not actually much better than a conventional auto with reasonable gas mileage.  If you're not a pudd off the line your gas mileage is in the pooper.  And if you are a pudd off the line, well you're a pudd.

• Autoblog Green

Not A Knockoff? Darn.

There's a bit of validity in Tesla Motor's claim that their roadster isn't just a converted Lotus. There's all kinds of new parts and whatnot going into one of these electric rockets. But that was one of the things that excited me about Tesla in the beginning, they weren't going to reinvent the wheel. (or in this case the automobile) Plenty of people make great cars and I thought Tesla was just going to revitalize the market by redesigning the powerplant. Of course, having read a lot of their trials and tribulations its clear that the project isn't that simple. Their transmission woes alone show that the forces involved require more than just an engine swap.

So while I don't hold it against them for reusing "under 7%" of the Lotus design, I can't help but wonder what a converted Elise would cost and how it would compare to a Roadster. Forty grand on the base model leaves sixty grand left for the conversion, and while I don't have any concrete numbers, I bet you could get some high schoolers in Michigan to do it for less than that.

• Tesla Motors says its Roadster is not a converted Lotus Elise - Engadget

Stop Coddling Me.

Now, I'm not gonna say this is a bad idea (I did hit a railing pretty good which sent me tumbling and my phone flying) but it is a ridiculous idea. Treating people as if they can't be trusted with their own safety is a concept that will destroy humanity. One day you'll wake up covered in bubblewrap with feeding and breathing tubes strapped to your face.

I'm more a subscriber to the "what did you learn?" philosophy. And this is a prime example of a non-lethal learning experience. Substantial stimulus, minimal impact to others, valuable lesson... I can't see a downside to texters walking into unpadded metal poles. Can you?

• Padded lampposts for distracted texters being tested in London - Engadget

What's Wrong With That Boy?

Sweet mother of pearl, I want to vomit. Its fine if you want to get all worked up over easter. You can dye eggs, eat chocolate rabbits, heck I'll even let those front yard flags slide. But this is unacceptable and needs to be stopped. We either have too much money or too many mediocre inventors in this country. I though the reindeer conversion kit was a web prank until I saw a Toureg on the beltway rocking antlers and a nose.

The quandary is that you'd really have to be into easter to buy this, right? Wouldn't you also then not like to see it exploited for corporate gain? I guess maybe folks just who use their car to advertise their fertility wouldn't have a problem with it. Course this is a whole new level of douchebaggery; only the douchebag pioneers would be daring enough to wave this in your face.

• Easter Bunny Conversion Kit: Just Stop It Already

Bush Replaces Bad Plan With Not-Good Plan.

Oh, really? We shouldn't be burning food? Shitballs, who could have ever seen that one coming? And I barely put any thought into it at all. But I don't really think we should be burning wood or "ag waste" either. Basically I think we need to get away from burning things altogether. Alright fine, hydrogen, if you can figure out a way to make it without burning other things.

Of course I probably shouldn't be expecting groundbreaking solutions from the dude who can't conceive of $4 a gallon gas. Look Georgie, it was $1.00 now its $3.50 or so. Do I have to take this to a class of third graders or can you tease the basic trend out on your lonesome?

• Bush thinks ethanol is increasing price of corn - AutoblogGreen