99% Complete Doesn't Count.

Think-Of-The-Children-ist Jack Thompson is pushing a bit of legislation through the Senate that would require video game raters to have played the entire game before rating it. Yeah, we're back to the "hot coffee" hack in San Andreas again. Just when you thought people could move on. Jack, when is the last time you played a video game, let alone a masterpiece like San Andreas? Techdirt thinks we should make him play it before he gets his way, just so he can see how impossible his proposal is.

That's right, you have to get all the oysters, the horseshoes, the snapshots, the tags. You have to beat all the mini races, all the properties, all the derbies and collect all the cars. The taxi misions, the ambulance missions, the firetruck missions, the vigilante missions, the garbage truck missions, the car dealer missions, the pizza delivery missions, the airplane missions, the hovercraft missions. You have to beat all the arcade games in the convenience stores night clubs, bars and restaurants. Oh, and you have to beat the actually storyline of the game, which is a feat in itself. And after you did all that you still would not have found the hot coffee hack because its not part of any of that stuff. So you have to try out all the cheat codes, all the mod items, the easter eggs, all the post-consumer additions. And when you resurface after about 10 months straight you won't care that a couple of fictional people got it on cause you'll love the game. You'll have played out all your frustrations and realized how wonderful it is. Oh and there's 5 more of them. I'm pretty sure Rockstar can produce this outstanding material faster than you can consume it. Remember, Vice City Stories is coming...

• Techdirt: Can we force Senators to play grand theft auto in its entirety before the introduce stupid laws about video games?

Dangle

"The game of skill and wits."

Summary:

Dangle is a game played with two to eight people using up to four frisbees and at minimum 6 bottled beers.

Minimum Requirements

• two people
• one disc
• six bottled beers
• open space at least 60 feet in length and 20 feet in width.

Recommended Requirements

• three or four people
• three or four discs
• 18 bottled beers
• groomed grass surface 80 feet long and 35 feet wide.

Glossary:

Areas

field- the loosely defined in-play area of the game; a reasonable proximity to the game.

ground- the surface of the earth or an extension of a structure or plant emerging from the earth.

side- one of two areas on the field where players stand, keep their stores, set the triforces, and execute their throws.

opposing side- the side that is currently being thrown to.

local side- the side that is currently making throws.

back plane- the plane defined as perpendicular to the ground and parallel to the front bottles which passes through the opposing rear triforce bottle.

front plane- the plane parallel to the back plane that passes through the local rear triforce bottle.

dmz- the area of the field between the front and back planes. This region's width is not specifically limited, although it need not be any larger than the arc a disc may take at a height of 6 feet from the ground and still return to the proximity of the opposing triforce.

Objects

disc- the Frisbee that the player introduces to the playing field during the current throw.

spent disc- a disc that has been removed from the field or has yet to be entered that half-round. Spent discs are not in play.

bottle- a glass (or plastic) beverage container

triforce- an equilateral triangle "pointing" towards the back of the field with its flat end facing the opposing side.

triforce bottle- one of the three bottles that make up the triforce of each side of the field.

store- the collection of empty and full bottles that are not in play and are in a storage device.

beer- a bottle that was opened by a player on the opposing side and has not yet been returned empty to the store.

stone- a disc or bottle that has come to rest in front of or intersecting the opposing back plane.

Durations

throw- an opportunity for a player to place a disc in play.

turn- the sum of one player's throws in that round.

half-round- all the players' turns on one side.

round- the two half rounds during which each player has had one turn. This process returns the Frisbees to their starting orientation, after which the players may rotate positions if it is necessary in the playing configuration.

end- a set of 10 rounds.

game- the sum of the ends played.

Pre-game:

Make 6 empty beer bottles. Warm-up rounds may be played with as many bottles as available, dividing the bottles evenly by placing the greater number on the side occupied by the least number of players.

Set-up:

Empty beer bottles are spaced a goodly distance apart into 2 groups of 3. The bottles shall be placed in, as close as ground conditions allow, a triforce with side length no more than three disc diameters. The triforce is oriented with the point away from the dmz.

Game-play:

The players will take turns one at a time throwing discs at the opposing bottles. Players throw from behind the front plane of the local triforce. If a player knocks over a bottle it is scored immediately but left in place on the field as a stone until that player's turn has concluded. Opposing and local players should keep clear of the dmz during throws and may not interfere with discs in that area. After the turn all displaced bottles are returned to triforce orientation. Discs that come to rest behind the back plane may be cleared by the opposing side, however discs that do not clear the back plane are to be left in play as stones until the half round is over. There are 10 rounds in and end. The number of ends played is the same as the number of people playing.

Scoring:

Score is determined by the number and type of valid contacts made to bottles. Each player is responsible for his own score and shall keep a running tally in his head. Points are generated from the following types of contact:

• the disc or a stone touches the bottle (a dink)- 1 point
• the disc or a stone knocks the bottle over after contacting the ground - 2 points
• the disk knocks the bottle over without first contacting the ground - 4 points

Clarifications and Addenda:

• Beers are in play and hold the same value as triforce bottles.
• Bottles in a store are not in play.
• If a stone is placed into motion by the disc it may generate valid contacts with bottles.
• If more than one bottle is contacted by the disc or a valid stone all contacts are scored as normal and the result is multiplied by 2.
  

Free Straps!

So after a bunch of porkers couldn't keep their grip on a wiimote and smashed their window or TV, Nintendo is offering a recall of the tethers. Maybe it the straps were to wimpy after all. Or maybe Nintendo doesn't think everyone will care enough to take advantage. At least now they'll have an adequate defense when someone claims they owe TV reparations. You should filled out a strap replacement form buddy, sorry.

• Wiimote straps recalled: yeah, all of them! - Engadget

Nothing Special Happens When You Get To 1000.

This is seriously not going to become a Wii-blog, and I don't know if I can let myself become a Nintendo fanboy. I was such a die hard Sega camper that the smooth transition to Sony was natural.

However, I was up till 2 last night playing Wii tennis. That noise is just fun. I know I'm not in the best shape of my life, but I guess I'm better off than some of these pudgers. I mean, I don't have to stop playing cause my arms are too sore. That's the complaint from these same folks that were willing to sleep on the street for video games. And Nintendo's response? Drum roll please... 'they may need to exercise more.' Ouch. But I like that answer; customers complain about your new product being hard to use, tell them they suck at life. Its not my fault if you have to take rests in between bites of a sammich.

Gizmondo: Ninten-doughboys