This is just too bizarre to pass up. Man wakes up with splitting headache. He and his wife head to the hospital where they examine him. A bullet is found he's told he's been shot in the head . His wife makes a break for it, but is detained on a firearms violation.
Now all of this seems unreasonable till you hear why she's not allowed to own a gun in the first place. A prior cocaine conviction precluded her firearm privilege, and apparently for good reason. So now all the pieces come together. They're coaked out of their brains and she accidentally discharged the gun under her pillow. He doesn't wake up till morning (she's lucky he woke up at all) and has a splitting headache (comes from having your head split open). She decides not to enlighten him and he doesn't notice the gaping hole spewing blood so they head on over to the hospital. Unfortunately for her, most medical staff can tell a GSW from a migraine. Busted.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Best Movie Of The Summer.
Awesomely Awesome.
I was away at a GIS conference last week and missed out on all kinds or news. You know, like Chaney positing that he's not a part of the Executive branch, and Bush's weird take on "amnesty". ("Amnesty means that you've got to pay a price for having been here illegally")
But none of this matters cause I came home to a host of Google web service improvements. First is a new look for Google docs. Better organization and a swanky new look is never a bad thing.
Next the Photo Nuts on PicasaWeb added geotagging support for the images you upload. Freaking awesome, I'd been doing this in Google maps using "my maps" but it was a little hard and you could tell a better way was just around the corner.
But no slackers themselves, Google Maps rolled out a feature that lets you drag your route and finds an alternate solution. I'd been doing this by hand with the "add a destination" feature (this does the same thing) but its a lot smoother now.
Try them out and you'll see why I'm always on people to use their Google services.
But none of this matters cause I came home to a host of Google web service improvements. First is a new look for Google docs. Better organization and a swanky new look is never a bad thing.
Next the Photo Nuts on PicasaWeb added geotagging support for the images you upload. Freaking awesome, I'd been doing this in Google maps using "my maps" but it was a little hard and you could tell a better way was just around the corner.
But no slackers themselves, Google Maps rolled out a feature that lets you drag your route and finds an alternate solution. I'd been doing this by hand with the "add a destination" feature (this does the same thing) but its a lot smoother now.
Try them out and you'll see why I'm always on people to use their Google services.
Get Your Sail On.
I know you probably haven't been paying attention. Heck, you don't even know how the LVC turned out do you? Well, New Zealand is up against defender Alinghi and the series is tied at 2-2. Its go time, the most sought after prize in the most expensive and oldest sport is going down. How can you not watch? Well, cause today is an off day. But they're back at it again tomorrow. Get some.Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Line Up The Conquistadors For Questioning.
Now there's an episode of cold case for you. (note: I have never seen that show and only assume I understand its premise) Screw solving murders and disappearances from 5 years ago, that's child's play. Try solving this 500 year old murder with nothing to go on but a head that has 1 too many holes and a few iron shavings. Investigators in peru have located what they believe is the first documented GSW. What better way to announce your presence on a continent than busting some caps in the back of locals' melons?
Maybe I'm Naive.
Also, what does a "Human-bones factory" consist of?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
No Children's Dosage Available.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Home Alone.
Come over here and have a seat next to me, buddy. You know I like spending time with you, but I'm gonna have to go away for a while. Don't worry, I'll be back; its just that daddy has to go away on business. Sometimes that's what daddies do. And you're a big boy, you can pour the milk over your own cereal for a week, right? That's the spirit, it'll be an adventure. But just in case you suck at finding stuff to read I'll let you peak at the top secret Daily Placebo 1st run feed. You'll have to come up with your own snarky commentary and ironic observations though. Don't get discouraged, I know you can do it. Ok, that's my cab. Don't cry - I'll be back before you know it, and I want to see lots of wise-ass comments about all the minutia you found.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Stay Off The Sauce.
Lets start with the obvious: kids have terrible tolerance and they'll eat pretty much anything. Add that together with the unusually high level of alcohol content in hand sanitizer (around 120 proof) and you've got a combination that is potentially dangerous or hilarious, depending on the outcome. (The classic "we'll laugh when you're 30" kind of accident)
Moral of the story: if your kid is acting really drunk and you can't figure out why, its cause they're really drunk.
Moral of the story: if your kid is acting really drunk and you can't figure out why, its cause they're really drunk.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Flame On!
What in the hell are you going to do with that dress after you're married? Lend it to someone else? Keep it in the attic until you daughter is ready to get married and leave her no choice but to hurt your feelings when she wants to wear a new dress?
Here's a better idea: destroy it. What more cathartic exercise than burning that cherished memento before time and moths can do it for you? Of course, guys, you might want to keep that tux around; you won't look crazy if you wear it out. I know for a fact its a blast to get a little tore up, throw on a tux and go to a baseball game. Everyone wants to talk to the guy in the tux.
Here's a better idea: destroy it. What more cathartic exercise than burning that cherished memento before time and moths can do it for you? Of course, guys, you might want to keep that tux around; you won't look crazy if you wear it out. I know for a fact its a blast to get a little tore up, throw on a tux and go to a baseball game. Everyone wants to talk to the guy in the tux.
From Now On, Billy Crystal Is My Doctor.
There is no truth like that contained in the Princess Bride. Why are people dead? Because their cells are dead. Why are their cells dead? Because they're out of oxygen. How long does that take? About an hour.
Scientists have been studying the effects of oxygen on the body and have come up with some interesting results. They contend that brain damage occurs after about 7 minutes of oxygen deprivation, not because of the lack of o2, but because of the sudden rush of the gas when resuscitation occurs. The mitochondria freak out and hit the self destruct switch and poof, no more brain function. Researchers are instead investigating a way to refrigerate newly dead specimen and slowly reactivate cells to prevent full on death. Which explains why Billy Crystal used a bellows to revive our mostly dead hero.
Scientists have been studying the effects of oxygen on the body and have come up with some interesting results. They contend that brain damage occurs after about 7 minutes of oxygen deprivation, not because of the lack of o2, but because of the sudden rush of the gas when resuscitation occurs. The mitochondria freak out and hit the self destruct switch and poof, no more brain function. Researchers are instead investigating a way to refrigerate newly dead specimen and slowly reactivate cells to prevent full on death. Which explains why Billy Crystal used a bellows to revive our mostly dead hero.
Don't Cramp My Style.
I refuse to set timetables for torture... er.. ah... enhanced intorturegation. If you tell the guy "look, we're gonna do awful things to you for 3 months", that gives him something to look forward to. A goal to reach. You need to break his spirits if you want him to vomit up that precious blood spattered information. He needs to think that his only salvation is not only cooperating with us, but to begin to admire us. Only then will it be safe to release these once-proud shells of people, walking ghosts, back into the rich ecosystem of people who are too scared to disagree with us. And some kind of court imposed human rights timetable is only going to embolden our torturees.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Feeling Green
Lets pretend for a second that you're a surgeon. You're about to conduct a procedure on a patient when you slice into his leg and green ooze comes out instead of blood. What do you do? I have no medical training at all but I think that "freak out" isn't off the table.
The Register went straight to thoughts of Vulcans, but I'm not that much of a star-dork. I was more into Nickelodeon . Turns out that the dude's migraine medicine provoked sulfur into his hemoglobin, turning his lifeblood green. Bet that wasn't on the label.
The Register went straight to thoughts of Vulcans, but I'm not that much of a star-dork. I was more into Nickelodeon . Turns out that the dude's migraine medicine provoked sulfur into his hemoglobin, turning his lifeblood green. Bet that wasn't on the label.
Allergic To Justice.
She's in, she's out, she's in, she's out. I didn't know jail was so much like the Hokey Pokey. I thought the best thing about Paris' jail sentence was that she wouldn't be in the news. Boy was I wrong. A judge is set to hear the case for Paris' reassignment to house arrest today. The Sherrif's department might have stepped in a pile of crap by disregarding the sentence and sending her home on an unspecified medical claim. But lets be serious folks, herpes is a bitch and you don't want that shit going around your prison.
Proud Tradition Of Presidential Ralphing.
Something about the president doubled over on the john with fierce spurty diarrhea makes me smile. Looks like someone can't hold his non-alcoholic bier. Unfortunately he didn't puke all over some dignitary and fall on the ground. That could've been our thing, like those innovators of the animal kingdom that spew for safety. "Don't mess with the Americans, they'll vomit all over you."
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Lame Ducking The Environment.
Wowie zowie! George loves the environment so bad that he promises the US will lead efforts to reduce greenhouse emissions. Nevermind that he has done nothing and has no plans to do anything that even hints at accomplishing this. (Wait, does standing next to a hydrogen drive vehicle with a confused look on your face count? No, I don't think it does.) But to you discerning readers will notice he made no promises about himself or his administration. The US will do it, cause I'm outta here, suckas. There's something about writing checks that other people have to cash that strikes me awry; even if they are for really good causes.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Jyte Me.
I've been messing around with Jyte today. Its kinda a snarky little community wherein you propose an assertion or "claim" and everyone else either agrees with you or is stupid. Wait, I mean or they disagree. Its kinda silly and kinda fun with topics from politics to grammar, physics to movies. You kinda exchange ideas and opinions in a succinct topical way. Best of all, and the only reason I started with it, it uses OpenID authentication. If you know what that means, head over and check it out for a little bit. If you don't its probably not worth your time to figure it out for this.
Clear Soda Is A Nice Precedent.
Let me lay this out for you:
- Wiimotes- cool
- Different colored wiimotes: silly
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Well, Crap. That Didn't Work.
I know you might like pandas, but I'm not sure we should be fighting for an animal that is so obviously destined to get snuffed out. I mean, we did our best. Coaxed his parents into bumping uglies in captivity, raised him by hand so he didn't get sat on, brought him food and spent millions on enclosures. But in the end we coddled him too much and he couldn't hack it in the real world. He ended up getting whacked by other pandas and falling out of a tree. Talk about an unfortunate "accident." I feel the world's first panda mafia movie coming on.
I had too many ideas for article titles on this one, its just too hard to decide.
I had too many ideas for article titles on this one, its just too hard to decide.
- My mom says I'm tough, but she's never left the house.
- City Panda goes to Country; gets ass kicked by locals.
- Panda released to wild; Wild refuses delivery.
- Zoo Panda gets 'jumped in' to panda gang.
- Public schools don't prepare you for life on streets... er trees.
Mrs Butterworth Is After You.
"Fatal Syrup"?!? This is not something I needed to know about.
Turns out, if you actually read the article, that they're talking about diethylene glycol in cough syrup, not sweet Vermont gold. Its an industrial solvent found in anifreeze, but can also be used as a sweetener if you don't mind the side-effects; like death.
A Chinese company labeled a shipment of the stuff "TD glycerine" and sold it to someone in Spain, who sold it in Panama as "medical glycerine" where it was used to give cough syrup that kickass sweet goodness. Toothpastes in China apparently regularly use the stuff, which I guess is why you shouldn't 1)swallow your toothpaste or 2) buy toothpaste from China. But that's not really cool for larger doses and at least 50 people died from the goof.
I would say that this is the US Drug companies trying to make us afraid of buying foreign made toiletries, and I'm sure the Brush administration is working on a way to link it to Iraq, but to tell the truth we've been poisoning people with this stuff since 1937. And we're not about to stop now.
So whether you're an Austrian making fine wine in a hurry, or a Chinese toothpaste factory looking to trim its sweetener budget, diethylene glycol is the poison for you.
On a side note, the headline still says 'fatal syrup', and while your favorite flapjack topping has been cleared of all charges, I'm still gonna worry next time I sweeten up my morning.
Turns out, if you actually read the article, that they're talking about diethylene glycol in cough syrup, not sweet Vermont gold. Its an industrial solvent found in anifreeze, but can also be used as a sweetener if you don't mind the side-effects; like death.
A Chinese company labeled a shipment of the stuff "TD glycerine" and sold it to someone in Spain, who sold it in Panama as "medical glycerine" where it was used to give cough syrup that kickass sweet goodness. Toothpastes in China apparently regularly use the stuff, which I guess is why you shouldn't 1)swallow your toothpaste or 2) buy toothpaste from China. But that's not really cool for larger doses and at least 50 people died from the goof.
I would say that this is the US Drug companies trying to make us afraid of buying foreign made toiletries, and I'm sure the Brush administration is working on a way to link it to Iraq, but to tell the truth we've been poisoning people with this stuff since 1937. And we're not about to stop now.
So whether you're an Austrian making fine wine in a hurry, or a Chinese toothpaste factory looking to trim its sweetener budget, diethylene glycol is the poison for you.
On a side note, the headline still says 'fatal syrup', and while your favorite flapjack topping has been cleared of all charges, I'm still gonna worry next time I sweeten up my morning.
Shake Your Groove Thing.
Quick- how many dance steps are in the Electric Slide? ...If you guessed "I don't fucking care" you're right!
Luckily though, you are now free to duplicate and elaborate the 'Slide non-commercially as a result of an agreement reached by the EFF and Richard Silver, the dance's creator. They agreed not to sue him if he stopped filing DMCA claims to prevent people from posting videos of themselves doing the dance wrong. That's right, they weren't even technically doing the terribly embarrassing dance correctly; how embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as admitting you invented the dance to begin with.
Luckily though, you are now free to duplicate and elaborate the 'Slide non-commercially as a result of an agreement reached by the EFF and Richard Silver, the dance's creator. They agreed not to sue him if he stopped filing DMCA claims to prevent people from posting videos of themselves doing the dance wrong. That's right, they weren't even technically doing the terribly embarrassing dance correctly; how embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as admitting you invented the dance to begin with.
Personal Movie Remakes.
I watched Lady and the Tramp for the first time last night without falling asleep 20 mins in. It was cute, but I've got a beef with the ending. When they're chasing the dog catcher and the cart falls over and you see the bloodhound lying motionless on the ground... yeah... he died. I know you think he came back in the end with a bandaged up paw to tell his painfully boring stories about old Reliable, but that just didn't happen. He died under a cart in the rain and that little scotty dog was depressed.
I guess this is kinda my new thing, cause Pirates of the Carri bean was awesome... After I imagined a less-sucky last 40 minutes of it. And Spiderman 3 rocked after I imagined away all the discrepancies and terrible acting. In fact, I just saw the Nakesake on Sunday and I was fine with it. But now I'm even happier since I just decided he got back together with that cute white girl after his wife left him.
Hell, I might even be able to get pumped up about a whole bunch of terrible summer movies like Fantastic 5 and Transformers. You know they're gonna suck harder than a dyson. But with the power of my brain, they don't have to. I might even be able to save 12 bucks and just imagine I went to see them instead.
I guess this is kinda my new thing, cause Pirates of the Carri bean was awesome... After I imagined a less-sucky last 40 minutes of it. And Spiderman 3 rocked after I imagined away all the discrepancies and terrible acting. In fact, I just saw the Nakesake on Sunday and I was fine with it. But now I'm even happier since I just decided he got back together with that cute white girl after his wife left him.
Hell, I might even be able to get pumped up about a whole bunch of terrible summer movies like Fantastic 5 and Transformers. You know they're gonna suck harder than a dyson. But with the power of my brain, they don't have to. I might even be able to save 12 bucks and just imagine I went to see them instead.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Brilliant!
It really is a shame that I'm too lazy/inept to implement this fantastic storage idea. Think about it, what is the space under your stairs good for? Some kind of sporting goods warehouse or funky trash closet for incubating god-knows-what? I'm pretty sure all that crap would still fit under there if you chopped the ceiling a bit to make the most badass dresser I've ever seen.
Dear God, Not The Coke Bubbles!
This has to be the weirdest threat I've ever hard. Coke is a soft drink. Its carbonated, which is why there are little tiny bubbles fizzing out. Gum arabic reduces surface tension of liquids, making the soda more fizzy. Most of the world's gum arabic supply comes from Sudan.
So when a Sudanese Ambassador held a heated press junket, he had something to bargain with. That's right, he ranted about the sanctions the US has imposed because of the genocide in Darfur. And then he laid out the most calculated and horrifying scenario American consumers can imagine. "Stop trying to stop our mass killings or we'll make your soda less bubbly."
Well, he said that he could do that, but won't cause he loves the stuff. But he doesn't see what the big deal is; its just like when the cowboys fought the farmers for grazing land in the US he says. Ah yes, I remember the cowboy-farmer wars well, it was back in eighteen dickety two, we had to say dickety because the kaiser had stolen the word twenty...
So when a Sudanese Ambassador held a heated press junket, he had something to bargain with. That's right, he ranted about the sanctions the US has imposed because of the genocide in Darfur. And then he laid out the most calculated and horrifying scenario American consumers can imagine. "Stop trying to stop our mass killings or we'll make your soda less bubbly."
Well, he said that he could do that, but won't cause he loves the stuff. But he doesn't see what the big deal is; its just like when the cowboys fought the farmers for grazing land in the US he says. Ah yes, I remember the cowboy-farmer wars well, it was back in eighteen dickety two, we had to say dickety because the kaiser had stolen the word twenty...
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