The War On Falling Stuff.

Tired of the war on terror? Yeah, I think everyone's middle east attention-span is about tapped out by now. But luckily the Bush administration has found a new fear-well to tap. Death from above! Well, I guess its not a new source, they just couldn't wait for that rogue meteor to come an kill us all. A satellite is out of control and plummeting towards the earth! But they've got a plan, so its okay. But it still might be dangerous. And so on and so on; its gonna be okay because we're in control of the situation but you should still be scared because you might die.

"An out-of-control, school-bus-size U.S. spy satellite ... begins its plunge to Earth"
That's bad.

"Been working on the missile modifications for the past three weeks."
That's good.

"The satellite is carrying a substantial amount of hydrazine, a hazardous rocket fuel."
That's bad?

"[The] missile will be fired as the satellite reenters the atmosphere and has a reasonably high opportunity for success.'"
That's good.

"An uncontrolled reentry on or about March 6"
That's bad.

"We cannot predict the entry impact area."
That's bad.

"More than half the pieces will burn up or land before making two
revolutions around Earth, and the rest will come down in weeks, maybe
a month, but it's a very finite period of time that we can manage."
That's good?

"It could leak gas and cause potentially fatal injury [across] an area
the size of about two football fields."
That's not so bad.

"In the history of the space age, there has not been a single human
being who has been harmed by man-made objects falling from space."
Oh, that's good.

"Similar to chlorine or to ammonia in that when you inhale it, it
affects your tissues in your lungs," adding: "It has the burning
sensation. If you stay very close to it and inhale a lot of it, it
could in fact be deadly."
That sounds terrible.

"Trying to reduce the danger to human beings [and Rogue satellites want to eat your babies.]"
Ah! Someone save me!


Just effing shoot it down and lets move on.

• Navy Will Attempt to Down Spy Satellite - washingtonpost.com

JK Rowling's Got Nothing On The Bush Administration.

So George went on TV and said that because we're making good progress in Iraq we can reduce the number of troops deployed.  Hmm, cause I'd read on Slate that the troop surge was coming to a head, and there were no other troops left to send.  This is indicative of my understanding of a surge.  Its a temporary exertion of a greater amount of force; one that you can't sustain all the time.  Looks like the Slate remembers that article too, cause they rip Bush six ways from Sunday in this article.  Its not a result of any progress or success that the troops are coming home, but the physical reality of a surge.  But if George wants to go on tv and tell us that the plan worked and we're all heroes for believing in him there's not much we can do.  Wait.

Shit this is simple, I can't believe we didn't think of it before.  We can't leave till the job is done, so lets just declare victory and get the hell outta there.  Facts and real world conditions have never hampered the Bush administration's foreign policy before, why should it now?  Send George on TV to tell us we've won an overwhelming, decisive and inevitable victory in a righteous war.  He'll put on his "I'm so sincere you don't know whether I'm lying or stupid" face and the world will follow those puppy dog eyes over a cliff.  Boom-bam, we won, they lost.  Troops come home where they can take turns standing behind TSA officers with large machine guns.

Honestly, that's the solution to getting out of this war; the same way we got in.  Trick everyone into a falsified media-produced construction that's pretty much just whatever fantasy you wish were true and by the time they realize its lies, the plan is already put in motion.  No going back.  So instead of saying, "Well, we're in the war, lets stop asking how or why we got elbow deep in this quagmire" it'll be "Well, we're out of the war, we can't very well send troops back in now.  Stay the course bitches."

• Bush's appalling Iraq speech. - By Fred Kaplan - Slate Magazine

The NEW "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy.

"Don't ask us about the secret (probably illegal) programs spreading all around you and we won't tell you.

Sounds like a super foundation to build a global oligarchy on, doesn't it? The mere fact that the US government refuses to acknowledge whether certain secret (probably illegal) programs exist makes me suspect that they are illegal. This slate article details the trials and tribulations of plaintiffs and judges who feel as if the world has gone crazy -- while trying to flesh out the details of "secret" (probably illegal) government programs that everyone knows exist.

Q: "[How can it be] "a state secret" that that the government is not intercepting millions of customers' communications illegally. How can the absence of an illegal program be a secret?"
A: "If the government had to prove that something that doesn't happen, doesn't happen, it would have to divulge everything that does happen."

Huh? That's a bit of flawed logic, I'm afraid. I know defendants don't usually have to prove innocence, the burden typically lies upon the plaintiff. But its rough going when the defendant keeps confiscating and destroying all the evidence. Its an odd legal climate where the government doesn't just falsely deny something, they tell us that they can't tell us, and that its for our own good. We should start asking questions about the secret (and probably illegal) program to paint all ducks purple with q-tips and see if they have the same "national security secret" response.

"I'm sorry, but the NSA can neither confirm, nor deny, the existence of a secret federal program to paint ducks purple with q-tips.

• Slate: Lawyers in Wonderland
  

I Ain't Sayin Nothin.

Ever get the feeling that the Bush administration is run strangely like the mafia?  Sure, you'll take down a few mid-levels on piddly perjury charges,  but you'll never find out about the big shit if we all just clam up.  Gonzales did an amazing impression of Johnny Tightlips with his parrot-like mastery of the phrase "I don't recall" but it looks like he may have spilled a few beans.  Its such a weak charge compared to all the other crap they were probably up to, but hey sometimes you've gotta take someone down on tax avoision rather than mass murder.  Especially if he's the leader of the free world.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | FBI chief 'contradicts Gonzales'

Proud Tradition Of Presidential Ralphing.

Something about the president doubled over on the john with fierce spurty diarrhea makes me smile.  Looks like someone can't hold his non-alcoholic bier.  Unfortunately he didn't puke all over some dignitary and fall on the ground.  That could've been our thing, like those innovators of the animal kingdom that spew for safety.  "Don't mess with the Americans, they'll vomit all over you."

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Stomach bug hits Bush at G8 talks

Lame Ducking The Environment.

Wowie zowie!  George loves the environment so bad that he promises the US will lead efforts to reduce greenhouse emissions.  Nevermind that he has done nothing and has no plans to do anything that even hints at accomplishing this.  (Wait, does standing next to a hydrogen drive vehicle with a confused look on your face count?  No, I don't think it does.)  But to you discerning readers will notice he made no promises about himself or his administration.  The US will do it, cause I'm outta here, suckas.  There's something about writing checks that other people have to cash that strikes me awry; even if they are for really good causes.

• Bush declares US will 'lead' efforts on climate - earth - 07 June 2007 - New Scientist Environment

Is You A Moron?

Its difficult to decide whether you'd prefer a stupid leader or a deceptive leader.  On the one hand, you don't want someone in charge that's going to purposefully lead you in directions that only serve his own best interests.  Of course on the other hand you don't want someone who's too stupid to know that he's not serving anyone's best interest at all.

Lets imagine for a second that President Brush is in charge of dividing up a cake at a party.  Everyone watches as he cuts 6 pieces for 12 people, gives one to Chaney and then puts 2 on the floor for Barney.  Would you rather he did this because he was trying to screw people out of cake and is obviously an asshole, or because he is an actual, legal, moron?

I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on in Iraq, its obviously more complicated.  But those are just about the only two reasons I can think of to explain his stubbornness.  This Slate article does a nice job summarizing the "What the fuck are you talking about" crowd's reactions when Bush says things on TV.  Things like:

 "Al-Qaida is going to fight us wherever we are"
"If we were to fail, they'd come and get us."
"Al-Qaida will be emboldened"
"The Middle East looked nice and cozy for a while."

What?  That last one is new to me.  Hasn't the middle east been a hotbed of violence since like the beginning of religion?

• Bush bungles a press conference. - By Fred Kaplan - Slate Magazine

How Do We Get Out Of This One?

Verizon has come up with a brilliant excuse for leaking call records and other private information to the federal government's illegal wiretapping program.  Brace yourself.  Its was "Free Speech".  Wow, I know just takes your breath away, doesn't it?  Who would be so callous as to attack one of the most hallowed and unifying principles of our nation?

So the Electronic Communications Privacy Act is Unconstitutional and Verizon is a wonderful company that fights for the American way of life that 'the man' is always trying to stifle.  And if you believe that I've got a bridge to sell you.  Anyone?  No takers?

This is particularly ridiculous because their first defense of "just following orders" got shot down by a judge.  Sure, it wasn't a good excuse, but it makes the subsequent claim of "oh, it was completely our volition and we were just expressing ourselves" sound particularly weak.

I know, it looks like we're close to nailing some bass-holes to the wall, but the Brush administration is working on pushing through a chunk of legislation that would grant immunity to the poor, picked-upon telcos.  Seems kinda shady; Verizon did a favor and gets a little in return.

• Techdirt: Verizon Says It Has A First Amendment Right To Illegally Give Your Call Records To The Government

Well, If The TV Says So...

I do like things that criticize Bush. The only way to get Americans educated about the travesties we are perpetrating is to buy commercial time during American Idol and Extremely Depressing Family Help Out Show. Of course, having credible testimonies would help out too, and two retired army major generals would probably do just that. We need more people questioning the authority that is backing us into a corner day after day.

• Ads to Criticize Bush on Iraq War: News from The Associated Press

He Funds Me, He Funds Me Not.

Throwing money in the toilet.  Not that I'm saying the Middle East is a watered down cesspool.  I hear its very dry there.  I'm all about not just signing checks over to George, and requiring no accountability at all to ensure that paying this bill won't just require us to keep paying and paying.  Which, as far as I can see, is how this is going to go down.

So by all means, lets make federal funding benchmark dependent.  Hell, lets run it like the old no child left behind program, where if a war doesn't pass basic democracy progress tests, it gets funding yanked and left out in the cold.  Then parents of soldiers could choose to send their children to a different war that they think is better.  Hmmm, maybe that legitimizes a terrible idea, no not war, the no child left behind act.

Honestly, lets run the country like a company.  We're bleeding money, sorry, more like hemorrhaging, because of terrible decisions of the CEO.  Don't you think that after eight years of mismanagement the stockholders might want the board to can that chump?  I don't care if we are in the middle of a product release, or a federal investigation, someone who makes decisions based on gut feelings that prove wrong time and time again (even if he is the decider, or the commander guy) has got to go.  He doesn't own the company, we just hired him to manage it for a while.  And He's doing a terrible job.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | US House passes Iraq funding bill

Wash Label Cipher.

My dad sent me this one. There's a small clothing company in Washington state that produces apparel that's sold in France. As a result the care instructions appear in English and French. But the French readers out there get a little bonus, the last two lines aren't included in the English section:
Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot.
Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui.

Translates to:
We are sorry that our president is an idiot.
We didn't vote for him.

• About.com: Anti-bush Clothing

State Of The Cons-umion.

No I didn't watch the State of the Union.  I've been doing my best to keep my head down and pretend that Bush doesn't exist until the situation resolves itself.  Which is, ironically, very much like Bush's foreign policy.  Not having watched, I don't really have any opinions to put forward (ethanol and coal?  You dirty son-of-a-...) about what was said or not said.  I will, however, refer you to Martin Eberhard of Tesla Motors.

• The Tesla blog: Vintage Oil and Other Hare-Brained Ideas

"One of the foremost principles that led me to found Tesla Motors was that, electric cars move our choice of energy source upstream from the vehicle, making them the ultimate multi-fuel vehicles: You can power them with clean (or dirty) coal; wind or solar power; clean, safe (or otherwise) nuclear energy; or even good ol' oil."

Upstream, this is the concept I've been talking about for as long as I knew you could run a car off electricity.  Now I've got a nice word for it.

"Imagine if you got a $25,000 tax credit for buying an EV for your "business," like you can for a Hummer "

Yeah, imagine politicians did more than pay public lip service to the environment before turning around and selling other peoples' souls to the auto and oil industries.

"I am not so enthusiastic about stepping up domestic oil production. I actually like our wildernesses, and I don't think we need to fill our few remaining unspoiled places with oil extraction industry. Lots of other people have written on this subject; let me just agree with them."

Damn right, Martin.  Well said.  I need to figure out how to get more into this company, short of stealing $100,000 for a roadster or for a 50,000 Whitestar.

Bush Really Buckles Down.

President Bush worked nearly three hours at his Texas ranch on Thursday to design a new U.S. policy in Iraq, then emerged to say that he and his advisers need more time to craft the plan he'll announce in the new year.

Dammit people, I've spent over three hours thinking about this already and I just can't come up with anything. Will you get off my ass? I mean, ideas can't just be thought up. You've gotta wait for them to come to you. Tidy up your desk. Organize your pens. Play a little solitaire. I'm sure by mid-May there'll be a dynamite plan just waiting in my inbox. Man, my brain hurts. Does anyone else smell burning? Maybe I'll declare a holiday so I don't have to go back to work on Tuesday...

• Bush Taking More Time to Craft Iraq Plan - Forbes.com

I Thought You Were "The Decider"

Ok, lots of sources have reviewed the old "stay the course" strategy, and it ain't working. So Bush can't say he's going to stay the course. But he refuses to choose a plan that would lead to defeat. You know things like "leaving before the job is done". He wants to pick the best course of action and won't be "rushed into making a difficult decision, a necessary decision." Can someone tell me how refusing to choose a new plan of action is different than "stay the course"? We're back to the logic loops of 'the troops come home when the job is done' 'the job is not to lose' and 'as long as we don't leave we won't lose'.

Except now its 'we can't win with stay the course' 'I refuse to choose a losing plan' 'all plans that involve leaving before we win are losing plans'

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Bush defends Iraq strategy delay

A Tax Even The President Can Understand.

Bush visits Estonia, avoids making 'stoned' joke. He was also quite taken with the flat tax they have there, referencing it three times in a few hours. Transparent and simple must really appeal to him. Or maybe that was the one thing from Wikipedia he could remember about Estonia. At least he didn't pull a Das Bus:

'The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, maize. Another famous Indian was Crazy Horse. In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.'

Of course one has to wonder, why bother taxing the populous when you have no intention of meeting a budget? Can't I keep my taxes and you'll just get the entire federal budget from that magical place that's keeping us afloat now? And then we'll all reduce our dependency on foreign oil by riding rainbows to work.

• News from The Associated Press-Bush Touts Estonia's Flat Income Tax

Bush Comprehends Binary Relationships.

"We'll succeed... unless we quit."

That's the kind of wisdom you only get from ruling the world for six years. When asked if our loss in Vietnam held lessons, the potentate replied:

"We tend to want there to be instant success in the world, and the task in Iraq is going to take a while."

Huh, I thought we learned a different lesson in Vietnam.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Bush reflects on 'Vietnam lesson'

Coming Soon To Your City: Martial Law.

I'm sure its like a carnival, only with more guns and less carnies. The article below details several steps and laws that have essentially given the president power to conscript state national guards, send them to non-local domestic areas and institute martial law. The second part allows for torture and detention over seas. They use provisions set forth under the Regan Administration "in the event of a crisis such as violent and widespread internal dissent or national opposition against a U.S. military invasion abroad." This was passed as a small rider to the 'defense authorization bill conference report' that raised little debate because it its timing. Senator Patrick Leahy is the only person asking questions about why these provisions are necessary. I'm sure there's more to this than I understand right now, but it sounds not good. Just keep you ears open.

• Slashdot | Bush Signs Bill Enabling Martial Law

original article: Toward Freedom - Bush Moves Toward Martial Law