The Good Spamaritan.

Dr. Mike Toni indeed. I know for a fact this is our dear friend, up-and-coming English language scholar, Spam Scam Sam. Oh, fine I'll call you Dr. Toni if that's what tickles your pickle. (even though we all know that no one in their right mind would spell Tony with an "i" and make it their last name.)

Dear Friend,

How are you today? [I] Hope all is well with you and your family?[declarative statement] I hope this mail [mail usually refers to physical post, in a case like this you might try email or message] meets you in a perfect condition. [Weak reference, am I in perfect condition or is the mail? Also two sentences starting with "I hope"?] You may not understand why this mail came to you. [Oh, I understand.] But if you do not remember me, you might have received an email from me inthe [space] past regarding a multi-million-dollar [multimillion is one word] business proposal which we neverconcluded.I [lotsa spaces] , am using this opportunity
to inform you that the multi-million-dollarbusiness [space] has been concluded with anotherperson [space] who financed it to a logical conclusion.

I thank you for you're [possessive; your] great effort [with regard] to our unfinished transfer of fund [plural] into your account due to one reason or the other [what?] best known to you.But [space] I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund [plural] out ofthe [space] bank to my new partner's account in London that was capable of assisting mein [space] this great venture.

Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trustworthiness you showed during the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $1,400,000.00.I [space] have left an international certified bank draft for you worth $1,400,000.00. cashable anywhere in the world.My [space] dear friend I will like you to contact my secretary: MR. DAN UZU, [That's not your secretary, that's a man, baby.] for the collection of this international certified bank draft. I have authorized him to release the international certified bank draft to you as soon as you contact him regarding this issue.

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and the new partner are hav[e]ing at hand. Please I will [would] like you to acceptthis [space] token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. Also comply with MR. DAN UZU so that he will send the draft to you without any delay.

contact him on the below contact information:
CONTACT NAME: MR. DAN UZU
ADDRESS: {REDACTED}-Nigeria
EMAIL : {REDACTED}


Therefore, you should send him your full Name [capitalization] and telephone number/your
addresswhere [space] you want him to send the draft to you.
Thanks and God bless you and your family,[I]hope [space] to hear from you
soon.

DR.MIKE TONI[Y]

Ok, right off the bat I'd say you need to take some of those millions and buy a keyboard with a space bar that doesn't crap out every fourth press. (they've got this one with little LEDs and a micro controller on each key so you can switch to dvorak and not have to pry the buttons off with a pen.)

Next let me just say that you open superbly. Remind me about that multimillion dollar deal I had an opportunity to take part in and then slam the door, rubbing your new (and very successful) business partner in my face. I mean, the regret and jealousy about the one that got away... I want you back! If only there was some way I could change my ignorant past. Although, I have to say I'm not exactly sure what financing something to a "logical conclusion" means. Granted I'm not a Wall Street groupie, but I tend to think it means he was fleeced out of 5-15 thousand dollars.

Alright, next you lost me a little. I don't actually recall putting any effort into a transaction, but I've got my hand in so many Nigerian scams its hard to keep track of. So compensating me for that could be reasonable, but throwing me a bone for my "sincerity, courage and trustworthiness"? No goddamn way anyone with multiple millions of dollars got there by handing out free cash to sincere folks. Makes me think you're playing at my vanity and isn't really necessary, so lose it. You're appealing to my greed, lets keep it focused there.

Next, don't you think a one point four million dollars is a little excessive, especially considering I was unable to fulfill your request? Do I have some kind of incriminating evidence on you that you'd like me to forget? Cause honestly, you're gonna have to remind me about it; I have zero recollection of our past dealings. When plying someone's moneybone, you need to keep it reasonable. Tell me you're throwing fifty grand my way, just cause its lying around and you feel bad about all the legwork that lead nowhere. As soon as we're talking seven figures the reality alarm starts wailing in my head. There is no way in Zeus's butthole I'm getting a million dollar check for no work.

The secretary bit is good. I mean you want to separate the magnanimous donor from the boring paper work. Oh and you also need the check writer to be busy or unreachable so that when the check is a bit too much he's not the one asking for money back. Also, "comply" isn't a word that makes me feel warm and fuzzy, so maybe change it to correspond or something that connotates a little less jumping through hoops.

But all-in-all, Sam, a pretty solid gambit. A little different angle just to keep our relationship spicy, and I want you to know I appreciate it.