Wordsmith Samantha.

Design Patterns, you'll avoid

Good day. Are you doing good? Email me at [email redacted] only. I am girlie. Mind me sending some of my pictures to you?
videos or older children  decision on the  free play -- whether  out my final

What The HELL is this sposed to be?  Samantha, you're an embarrassment to the spamming community.  The last email Sam sent me was so eloquent and full of promise that I could have sworn that this type of pandering was gone for ever.  So just let me walk you through the wrong turns you made here.  Just personal edification here, you don't need to try and contact me about compensation.

First off, you sent the email as Abigail Huggins with a slightly skeezy domain.  (Side note, "Huggins" is perhaps not as dirty as you though it was; really comes off as slightly amusing.  And if you weren't going for a joke name, I apologize.)  Secondly, you want me to reply only to a second and decidedly more skeezy .info email address.  Thirdly, this email isn't even to me.  Its to some dude with the same first four letters in his email address.  Now, I'm not quite sure how you pulled this off (since the mail men on the Internet hardly ever confuse house numbers) but it makes me think I should be forwarding things to their intended recipients instead of reading them.

Ok, now you've got a few solid sentences.  2 words, 4 words (I'll let the good for well difference slide, because I assume you're being cordial by inquiring about my well-being not my charitable acts.), 5 WORDS!  Wow, that's impressive.  And you do make a persuasive argument with that "I am girlie" tact.  But then you lost me at the sending pictures part.  See that would require more emails, a task which you've already proved you're not up to.  And almost as if you self-destructed on opening night of a middle-school musical, it went spiraling out of control.  "Videos or older children"?  That's jibberish but gives me the jibblies regardless.  "Decision on the free play"?  "Whether out my final"?  I half expected you to "set us up the bomb", or claim you'd recently usurped all my base.  You either need to repeat -4th grade or become a mid-80's foreign video game translator.  In either case, stop sending me this turd-riddled handicrap.  Now put Sam back on the phone.

Sam, you need to keep your sister off the computer.  She just isn't ready for public nuisance yet.  Maybe a few more years at "finishing school" be enough, but I have a feeling Momma and Pappa Spamsalot are gonna have to shell out and send her back to "starting school" first.  Not.  Fully.  Baked.