Worried about the robot revolution? You might want to keep an eye on this place. A new theme park in Dubai is set to begin construction, featuring life-size robotic dinosaurs. I know what you're thinking: real dinosaurs can't be contained by electric fences and tranquilizer guns, how the hell do they expect to control goddamn robotic dinosaurs?
Well, I assume they'll come with some kind of three laws programming that will go horribly wrong, turning the giant metal lizards into killing machines. And you can bet your sweet butt that, when the first of these escapes its enclosure and goes on a mauling spree, its gonna take a lot more than three cops with handguns to bring it down. Especially with the Kevlar scales and razor sharp pneumatic fangs. Yeah. So what is our glimmering hope? Two words: EMP. Of course I imagine when you take down a real thunder lizard you get 24-28 months worth of kickass barbecue instead of dino-shaped scrap metal.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Want To Hunt Endangered Tigers?
Just sign up with the San Francisco police department. They had a Christmas day tiger hunt in the zoo juts before closing time. "Tatiana" has mysteriously escaped from her enclosure and mauled three people, killing one, before police officers brought her down. No word yet on if the officers will be allowed to stuff and mount the cat for their living room. I'm gonna be extra nice to the giant predators next time I swing by the zoo. Holy feline batman, what do you do if a 300 lb tiger thinks you're a chew toy? This is the strongest argument for the 2nd amendment I've heard all year.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I Swear I'm Not Fascist.
A Lakota group is renouncing treaties with the US Government and pushing to become an independent nation. Seems like this might not pan out too well. First off your major proponent is named "Russell Means" which doesn't sound like a very good Indian name. You want me to believe you're serious about being an independent Indian nation, you'd better change your name. Some thing like "Russell Means Business" or "Not Joking Bear". It costs $34.95 to register a name change with the South Dakota state government.
Secondly, they're inviting Lakota and people that live in the various parts of North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana to renounce their US citizenship and live tax free under their jurisdiction. Somehow forfeiting my citizenship to live in an unofficial landlocked nation with no treaties doesn't sound too appealing. But hey, maybe there's other factors at play here. I didn't sit down with Mr. Russell Means Business to conduct a fake interview.
Alright, you're starting a new country, what are its selling points?
Well, no taxes. And we'll foster the Native American culture and way of life.
I'm not sure I know what that means. How is the quality of life over there?
Teen suicides are 150 percent above the norm for the United States; infant mortality is five times higher than the US average; and unemployment is rife.
...really? That sounds pretty bad.
No, it'll be cool. We're gonna issue driver's licenses and passports. And the public officials will be informally elected by the tribal elders.
You've really thought this through. Oligarchy, that's a ballsy play; especially with a cowboy president ramming democracy down peoples' throats half a world away.
I spose.
But driver's licenses? Cars? And paved roads? How are you gonna pay for any of this with no taxes?
Well, there'll be gambling.
What the hell's your problem?
You took our land.
Yep. I spose so. Then we instituted a global climate where it isn't cool to gank peoples' land. You shoulda though of that way earlier.
You're stealing our culture.
Uh... stealing implies that we want it and took it. Just because something is disappearing doesn't mean someone else is taking it. Like evaporation... or selfrespect.
Our land is our culture.
Oh. That's weird. You shouldn't have let us have it.
I didn't let you have it.
And I didn't take it; I'm glad we're on the same page here.
This land is my ancestral right.
And I think that's super. But unfortunately history is a fickle bitch and you guys came out on the ass end.
That's not really fair.
You're catching on. The good news is that you can walk off the reservation any time you want and join our melting pot society where everyone's heritage is simultaneously exploited and ignored for corporate gain.
Secondly, they're inviting Lakota and people that live in the various parts of North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana to renounce their US citizenship and live tax free under their jurisdiction. Somehow forfeiting my citizenship to live in an unofficial landlocked nation with no treaties doesn't sound too appealing. But hey, maybe there's other factors at play here. I didn't sit down with Mr. Russell Means Business to conduct a fake interview.
Alright, you're starting a new country, what are its selling points?
Well, no taxes. And we'll foster the Native American culture and way of life.
I'm not sure I know what that means. How is the quality of life over there?
Teen suicides are 150 percent above the norm for the United States; infant mortality is five times higher than the US average; and unemployment is rife.
...really? That sounds pretty bad.
No, it'll be cool. We're gonna issue driver's licenses and passports. And the public officials will be informally elected by the tribal elders.
You've really thought this through. Oligarchy, that's a ballsy play; especially with a cowboy president ramming democracy down peoples' throats half a world away.
I spose.
But driver's licenses? Cars? And paved roads? How are you gonna pay for any of this with no taxes?
Well, there'll be gambling.
What the hell's your problem?
You took our land.
Yep. I spose so. Then we instituted a global climate where it isn't cool to gank peoples' land. You shoulda though of that way earlier.
You're stealing our culture.
Uh... stealing implies that we want it and took it. Just because something is disappearing doesn't mean someone else is taking it. Like evaporation... or selfrespect.
Our land is our culture.
Oh. That's weird. You shouldn't have let us have it.
I didn't let you have it.
And I didn't take it; I'm glad we're on the same page here.
This land is my ancestral right.
And I think that's super. But unfortunately history is a fickle bitch and you guys came out on the ass end.
That's not really fair.
You're catching on. The good news is that you can walk off the reservation any time you want and join our melting pot society where everyone's heritage is simultaneously exploited and ignored for corporate gain.
Brazilian Art Heist.
Police to fly in Rene Russo to question/seduce local billionaires.
It always amazes me that bank jobs and art heists still happen. With all the technology and security on hand you'd think people would think of new targets. Its almost as if, since it happens in movies, I don't think people really steal stuff like that. I dunno, give me another beer.
It always amazes me that bank jobs and art heists still happen. With all the technology and security on hand you'd think people would think of new targets. Its almost as if, since it happens in movies, I don't think people really steal stuff like that. I dunno, give me another beer.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I Can't Believe I Signed The WHOLE Thing.
Really? 35mpg by 2020? Why not go really crazy and mandate all remaining non-hover cars equipped with radial tires by 2074? What do you think gas is gonna cost by 2020? The legislation of such a lackluster pace is a smack in the face. If demand hasn't driven the auto industry to higher levels of efficiency by 2020 we all deserve a smack in the face. (Face if we're lucky.) This is like the middle school gym coach making everyone run a mile in under 13 hours, that harsh slave-driving bastard.
Lets be clear here, 35 is the minimum, ok? Now its up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile. We want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare
minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we
encourage that, ok?
Lets be clear here, 35 is the minimum, ok? Now its up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile. We want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare
minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we
encourage that, ok?
What Comes After Pre-Ripped Jeans But Before Pre-Vomited Beer?
Bold strides are made in pre-fabricated lives this week as consumers can now buy pairs of socks pre-mismatched. Pairs that do not match; is that an oxymoron? Maybe just for morons. Thanks, but I can mismatch my own damn socks. It actually takes very little effort if you can believe it. Why can't people take the time to break in their own jeans or fail to pair their socks? Is life in the 21st century really so hectic? Next thing you know couches will have pre-lived stress marks from a factory technician (aka ass groove) and your beer will have been drank and puked up by a professional drunk. It takes a brilliant mind to realize that, with the right lighting, you can sell used shit for more.
Ever Hear Of Priorities?
Baseball doping? Pool drain covers? Next week Congress is expected to pass a quarter it swallowed when it was 3.
Are these really matters that need to be handled by a federal legislative body? Don't you guys have more pressing matters to rally around? I could see creating some kind of consumer protection agency, that's the kinda stuff I expect at a national level, but telling companies not to make a specific product that kills little girls seems like micromanagement to me. I'm not sure who you think you're fooling with this "Won't somebody please think of the children" (wsptc) legislation.
And if you wanna make HGH illegal you should be talking to scientists and medical professionals, not trying to find out which of your heroes that play a child's game might have been hopped up on horse pills. Nutt-up and write some professional caliber bills or just start taking 10 month vacations cause I'm tired of hearing about every High School Square Dance where you ban obscene grinding. (No, I have no idea what that means)
Are these really matters that need to be handled by a federal legislative body? Don't you guys have more pressing matters to rally around? I could see creating some kind of consumer protection agency, that's the kinda stuff I expect at a national level, but telling companies not to make a specific product that kills little girls seems like micromanagement to me. I'm not sure who you think you're fooling with this "Won't somebody please think of the children" (wsptc) legislation.
And if you wanna make HGH illegal you should be talking to scientists and medical professionals, not trying to find out which of your heroes that play a child's game might have been hopped up on horse pills. Nutt-up and write some professional caliber bills or just start taking 10 month vacations cause I'm tired of hearing about every High School Square Dance where you ban obscene grinding. (No, I have no idea what that means)
Where There's Smoke, There's Humor.
"Mr President, this is why I was against you using your George Foreman grill in bed."
Oh, wait. The smoke was coming from the Executive Office Building next to the White House proper. Revise that caption:
"The Vice President tries out a new enhanced interrogation technique he lovingly refers to as 'fire-boarding'".
Keep Your Trap Shut.
Ever had a cop ask you if you know why he's pulled you over? Its a trick man. He just wants you to blurt out "cause I've got a body in my trunk?". Fishing for dirt. I mean, sure he's got you on something, or else he wouldn't be able to stop you, right? Apparently not in California where cops are pulling people over to give them Starbucks gift cards. ...wait for it... WTF? I dunno about you, but I'd be pretty pissed off if a cop rolled up behind me, flashed his lights and sauntered up to give me mochachino bucks. But maybe that's just my irrational fear of authority.
Isn't this illegally detaining someone? I mean I'm not allowed to keep going, so I'm being delayed against my will with no probable cause. If some random guy wants to give me a present he can honk his horn and flash his brights all he wants, but I'm not legally bound to yield to him. Sounds like an abuse of power for purposes of holiday cheer.
Wouldn't any evidence found in traffic stop like that be inadmissible anyway? So you're basically turning law enforcement officers into compulsory ice cream men. Great job.
Isn't this illegally detaining someone? I mean I'm not allowed to keep going, so I'm being delayed against my will with no probable cause. If some random guy wants to give me a present he can honk his horn and flash his brights all he wants, but I'm not legally bound to yield to him. Sounds like an abuse of power for purposes of holiday cheer.
Wouldn't any evidence found in traffic stop like that be inadmissible anyway? So you're basically turning law enforcement officers into compulsory ice cream men. Great job.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Save The World And Improve Your Self Image.
Finally some good news. (yeah that solar panel is good news, but we all knew that was coming) Turns out Pursuit Dynamics has been working on a more energy efficient way to brew beer. Hell yeah. They shoot steam at supersonic speeds, drastically reducing the energy required to boil wort. Normally I worry about the cost of my beer conveyances (bags, boxes, bottles, cans) but hardly ever consider the environmental costs of preparing the frosty beverages at the getgo.
Hopefully this technique will prove vastly superior, or at least get other brewers thinking about alternative methods too. This is the kinda thing I really get stoked about, saving 40% of heating costs, because the way to really tackle conservation is to refine efficient production and make the most of the energy we have. Make better use of renewable resources and consume less; not figure out ways to keep expending the same energy from different sources.
Oh, P.S.
That solar panel is the cheapest production solar panel to date from NanoSolar. It contains no silicon and hits the 99 cent/watt point that analysts theorize is the breaking point with coal power. That is solar is now priced competitively with coal without the emissions; and the technology will only improve in efficiency over the coming months.
P.P.S.
Check out this town in Italy that is powered 100% by renewable resources. They combine wind, solar and hydro-power to meet all the energy demands and rake in about half a million dollars in government supplements to boot. Also their food is almost entirely supplied by local organic farmers. Basically they're kicking everyone's ass.
Hopefully this technique will prove vastly superior, or at least get other brewers thinking about alternative methods too. This is the kinda thing I really get stoked about, saving 40% of heating costs, because the way to really tackle conservation is to refine efficient production and make the most of the energy we have. Make better use of renewable resources and consume less; not figure out ways to keep expending the same energy from different sources.
Oh, P.S.
That solar panel is the cheapest production solar panel to date from NanoSolar. It contains no silicon and hits the 99 cent/watt point that analysts theorize is the breaking point with coal power. That is solar is now priced competitively with coal without the emissions; and the technology will only improve in efficiency over the coming months.
P.P.S.
Check out this town in Italy that is powered 100% by renewable resources. They combine wind, solar and hydro-power to meet all the energy demands and rake in about half a million dollars in government supplements to boot. Also their food is almost entirely supplied by local organic farmers. Basically they're kicking everyone's ass.
You'd Better Be Conjoined Twins...
Just when I think I've got my nausea under control I get the one-two punch from the internets. This just makes the holiday bitterness swim in my veins. For all those couples out there that want to hold hands in the cold: Glovers. A sock-ball type of two person handwarmer that lets that couple make everyone around them uncomfortable. Don't be that couple. I'm begging you. In fact, just reading about people using this is making the back of my hand ache for the sting of someone's rosy cheek. You don't wanna find out what will happen if I catch you using this. I Just Threw Up In My Mouth A Little.
Its all I can do to keep from screaming at the dumb motherfuckers breathing "flavored" oxygen at those mall kiosks. But now they can fit the same obscenely wasteful trend into their on-the-go lifestyle. Cause, really, who has time to sit in a chair and breathe? Big Ox flavored canned air. Canned, goddamn, air. If we suddenly find ourselves in the position of the villain in any Mel Brooks movie, we need to take a step back and seriously think about our lives. I just... I... I think I'm gonna have an aneurysm. I need to to talk with Lewis Black about stress reduction methods. This makes the aerosol pancake folks look like suave environmental champions.Big Ox cans are made of recyclable materials. We encourage you to recycle Big Ox cans.
Oh yeah? Well I encourage you not to package the gas we're LITERALLY swimming in every moment of our existence and go jump off a cliff. I mean, this is worse than nothing, because people will only buy nothing once. Whereas there might be people stupid enough to buy your empty cans and then come back for more when the flavored nothing is gone.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Oldschool Nuggets.
I'd forgotten about this awesome deleted scene from the Meaning of Life until I was perusing the script today. They've just finished up the scene with the protestants talking about how the break from Catholicism was mostly about recreational sex.
The Adventures of
Martin LUTHER
in
Reform-O-Scope
presented by
The Protestant Film Marketing Board
in association with
Sol. C. Ziegler, Andy Rotbeiner
and the people of Beirut
GERMANY
in the grip of the 16th century
An exciting and controversial examination of the Protestant
reformer whose re-assessment of the role of the individual in
Christian belief shook the foundations of a post-feudal Germany in
the grip of the sixteenth century.
It was a day much like any other in the quiet little town of
Wittenberg. Mamie Meyer was preparing fat for the evening meal when
the full force of the Reformation struck.
[A woman and two rather plain daughters are sitting
outside their house with bowls. A man arrives
breathless.]
Hymie: Mamie! Martin Luther's out!
[Consternation amongst the womenfolk.]
Mamie: Oh! Martin Luther!
[She hurries her daughters inside.]
Did you get the suet, Hymie?
Hymie: Oy vay - the suet I clean forgot!
Mamie: The suet you forgot!
Hymie: The lard, the fish oil, the butter fat, the dripping, the
wool grease I remember... [Hands over the shopping]... but the
suet... oy vay...
Mamie: [pointing to his head] So what'd keep up there? Adipose
tissue?
Hymie: Look out! Here he comes.
[Mamie goes inside shouting.]
Mamie: Girls, girls! Your father forgot the suet!
[Groans from the girls inside.]
[Martin Luther is at the gate. His ears prick up at the
female voices. His eyes flick from side to side.]
Hymie: Hallo Martin.
Martin Luther: Where's the john?
Hymie: We don't have one.
Martin Luther: No john? What d'you do?
Hymie: We eat fat.
Martin Luther: And that stops you going to the john?
Hymie: It's a theory.
Martin Luther: Yeah, but does it work?
Hymie: We ain't got no john.
Martin Luther: Yeah, but d'you need to go?
Hymie: You know how it is with theories - some days it's fine...
maybe one, two... three days... and then just when it looks
like you're ready for to publish... [Expression of resignation
and disgust.]... Whoosh! You need a new kitchen floor.
Martin Luther: Oh you should be so lucky!
[A girl's laugh from inside. Martin Luther looks up -
alert.]
Martin Luther: D'you need any cleaning inside?
Hymie: Oh no... today it's all going fine.
Martin Luther: Oh well, how's about showing me the cutlery?
Hymie: Martin - I got a woman and children in there.
Martin Luther: So there's no problem... I just look at a few
spoons... and...
[Martin Luther starts to go in. Hymie stops him.]
Hymie: I got two girls in there, Martin... you know what I mean.
Martin Luther: Honest! I don't look at your girls! I don't even
think about them! There! I put them out of my mind! Their
arms, their necks... their little legs... and bosoms... I
*wipe* from my mind.
Hymie: You just want to see spoons?
Martin Luther: My life! That's what I want to see.
Hymie: I know I'm going to regret this.
Martin Luther: No, listen! Cutlery is really my thing now. Girls
with round breasts is over for me.
Hymie: What am I doing? I know what's going to happen.
Martin Luther: I'll crouch behind you.
[He goes in. Martin Luther follows, crouching.]
Hymie: Mamie! Guess who's come to see us!
Mamie: Hymie! Are you out of your mind already? You know how old
your daughters are?
Hymie: He only wants to see the spoons.
Mamie: What you have to bring him into my house for?
Hymie: Mamie, he doesn't even think about girls any more.
Martin Luther: Mrs Meyer - as far as girls is concerned, I shot my
wad!
Mamie: You shot your *wad*?
Martin Luther: Def - in - ately...
[Pause.]
Mamie: Which spoons you wanna view?
Martin Luther: Eh... [shrugs]... I guess the soup spoons...
Mamie: [suddenly interested] Ah! Now they're good spoons.
Martin Luther: You got them arranged?
Mamie: No, but I could arrange them for you.
Martin Luther: Don't put yourself to no bother, Mrs Meyer.
Mamie: It's no bother... I want for you to see those spoons like I
would want to see them myself.
Martin Luther: Oh you're too kind, Mrs Meyer... You could get your
daughters to show me them...
Mamie: Hymie get him out of here.
Hymie: Mamie, he only said for Myrtle and Audrey to show him the
*spoons*.
Mamie: Like you think I run some kind of bordello here...
Martin Luther: Mrs Meyer! How can you say such a thing?
Mamie: Listen Martin Luther! I know what you want to do with my
girls!
Martin Luther: Show me the spoons...
Mamie: You want for them to pull up their shirts and then lean over
the chair with their legs apart...
Hymie: Mamie don't get excited...
Mamie: I'm getting excited? It's him that's getting excited!
Martin Luther: My mind is on the spoons.
Mamie: But you can't stop thinking of those little girls over the
chairs.
[Luther is struggling with himself.]
Hymie: I got to go to the bathroom.
Mamie: [grabs him] Hymie! I'm a married woman!
Hymie: So... just show him the spoons.
[Hymie goes.]
Mamie: And you don't want to put nothing up me?
Martin Luther: Mrs Meyer - you read my mind.
Mamie: Oh...
[They go out discreetly.]
But despite the efforts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex
for pleasure, children continued to multiply everywhere.
Potty Mouth.
This, if I haven't said it before, is the greatest country in the history of the world. A land free of oppression where we, its citizens, are free to express ourselves in most any way we please. Namely, we are allowed to shout expletives at toilets. Period.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Making Brain Waves.
Sega (you remember Sega) is experimenting with new brain controlled video games. Suck on that Nintendo. You come out with motion controlled games, and we'll do you one better. They're apparently pretty base right now; no virtual reality simulations or anything. But sensors monitor your brain activity giving the sensation of an "extra limb." That's not gonna make a game in itself, but think of all those games that simulate concentration or effort with repetitive button pressing. (tap X to sprint, resist torture, hang from a wire, etc) They could all be replaced by an actual mental exertion. Or games where you play a character with super/special powers could be activated mentally while you control the avatar with the traditional movement inputs.
I'm not saying this is it, but things like this make me wonder what technology I don't be able to fully adapt to. Things that the youths of tomorrow will take as second nature, but us old fogeys who wad dials on our video games growing up find difficult. If they get down 3 or 4 mental dimensions, I might be out. Or it might be easy as pie, I dunno.
I'm not saying this is it, but things like this make me wonder what technology I don't be able to fully adapt to. Things that the youths of tomorrow will take as second nature, but us old fogeys who wad dials on our video games growing up find difficult. If they get down 3 or 4 mental dimensions, I might be out. Or it might be easy as pie, I dunno.
Don't Cry Wolf.
I'm usually a little stand-offish on invasive monitoring, but this is pretty cool. Emergency services arrived at a BMW crash test facility searching for victims of a serious impact. Apparently one of the techs forgot to turn off the monitoring device that sends GPS coordinates to rescue personnel in the event of a serious crash. And being in a crash facility, that's exactly what they did to it. They explained the situation and I imagine had a good chuckle. Of course this may be a problem if false positives are submitted with any regularity. You're really not sposed to call 911 unless its an emergency. Imagine a pizza delivery guy showing up at your door because your computer mistakenly heard a tummy rumbling on TV. It'd be funny the first time, but that dude would be pissed off quick if it kept happening.
DP: Energy Edition.
Ok, I've got four links for you here.
The first is about connecting wind farms. To help alleviate wind power's intermittent nature, scientists are suggesting we build a network of wind collection devices. We could permanently feed about a third of the grid from these dispersed collection points, and store extra power for use in transport.
Second is a billboard with solar cells on top of them. So rather than just draining the grid at night to illuminate a hotpockets sign, the board actually generates more power than it consumes, a net gain for the grid. (even if it does end up being a trickle back into the grid, it is valuable in not consuming the power to begin with.) It would be cool to see every billboard powered this way. So instead of embodying the evil corporate pillaging of America like in "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", they'd be a symbol of our progression into the future of energy. Adapting and improving our lives.
And speaking of improving life, Google has finished the first stage of the solar installation at their mountain View Facility. Its currently the largest corporate solar device and contributes a third of the facility's electricity. Nice.
Lastly, we move on to a Slate article about electric cars, wondering if they're actually cleaner than gasoline when you account for electricity production. Short answer: Yes, but the margins might come closer when you factor in battery disposal. They mentioned in passing one of the most appealing parts about electric cars. If electricty produciton gets greener, so to the cars. Immediately. "It's a lot easier to control emissions at a few power plants than at millions of tailpipes". Of course this upstream energy efficiency goal makes me wary of things like we have in the first three articles. I do think we should be moving to electricity because we have so many ways for generating it, we have the infrastructure to deliver it, and we have a jump start on creating efficient devices to consume it. But installing distributed systems and decentralizing energy production, while perhaps necessary and beneficial for renewable sources, makes upstream efficiency very difficult to effect. Or at least more difficult than upgrading a few large power plants.
Think of it in terms of communications. We shelled out a ton of money to run paired copper wires to basically every building in America. Then cable; now fiber. But it turns out that wireless technologies are providing the same capacities without all that expensive infrastructure. And they're easy to maintain and upgrade, should the need arise. So I guess its a case of moderation and balance in adoption. Don't fill every inch of roof with solar panels immediately, because next year's models will harvest twice the energy at half the cost. And though a nation-wide wind farm network might mean balanced loads, we can't build one over night. The real trick is to keep the fear of indecision from paralyzing us into using fossil fuels for another 100 years.
There's a link in the slate article to a cool power source calculator that show what type of energy your area uses. Check it out. I bet you'd like to see that "non-hydro renewable" category a little higher.
The first is about connecting wind farms. To help alleviate wind power's intermittent nature, scientists are suggesting we build a network of wind collection devices. We could permanently feed about a third of the grid from these dispersed collection points, and store extra power for use in transport.
Second is a billboard with solar cells on top of them. So rather than just draining the grid at night to illuminate a hotpockets sign, the board actually generates more power than it consumes, a net gain for the grid. (even if it does end up being a trickle back into the grid, it is valuable in not consuming the power to begin with.) It would be cool to see every billboard powered this way. So instead of embodying the evil corporate pillaging of America like in "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", they'd be a symbol of our progression into the future of energy. Adapting and improving our lives.
And speaking of improving life, Google has finished the first stage of the solar installation at their mountain View Facility. Its currently the largest corporate solar device and contributes a third of the facility's electricity. Nice.
Lastly, we move on to a Slate article about electric cars, wondering if they're actually cleaner than gasoline when you account for electricity production. Short answer: Yes, but the margins might come closer when you factor in battery disposal. They mentioned in passing one of the most appealing parts about electric cars. If electricty produciton gets greener, so to the cars. Immediately. "It's a lot easier to control emissions at a few power plants than at millions of tailpipes". Of course this upstream energy efficiency goal makes me wary of things like we have in the first three articles. I do think we should be moving to electricity because we have so many ways for generating it, we have the infrastructure to deliver it, and we have a jump start on creating efficient devices to consume it. But installing distributed systems and decentralizing energy production, while perhaps necessary and beneficial for renewable sources, makes upstream efficiency very difficult to effect. Or at least more difficult than upgrading a few large power plants.
Think of it in terms of communications. We shelled out a ton of money to run paired copper wires to basically every building in America. Then cable; now fiber. But it turns out that wireless technologies are providing the same capacities without all that expensive infrastructure. And they're easy to maintain and upgrade, should the need arise. So I guess its a case of moderation and balance in adoption. Don't fill every inch of roof with solar panels immediately, because next year's models will harvest twice the energy at half the cost. And though a nation-wide wind farm network might mean balanced loads, we can't build one over night. The real trick is to keep the fear of indecision from paralyzing us into using fossil fuels for another 100 years.
There's a link in the slate article to a cool power source calculator that show what type of energy your area uses. Check it out. I bet you'd like to see that "non-hydro renewable" category a little higher.
Don't Hold Your Breath.
Scientists have noticed that Emperor penguins stay underwater for a long time. Their investigations showed the animals' blood-oxygen levels were basically of the bottom of the chart upon return to the surface and speculations are on a Hulking super hemoglobin. They say the penguin blood (aside from being delicious) bonds more efficiently at lower concentrations, so a higher percent of the oxygen is consumed.
I hypothesize that this is just the adolescent penguin form of huffing. You swim down to about 1,800 feet and when you drag yourself out of the water the swirling colors and warm breezes just make life worth living. Even if it is a frozen bastage of an existence on a shrinking ice shelf with rising flood waters.
All joking aside, genetic crossbreeding gives me the heeby jeebies. I'll not be vacationing with Dr Moreau any time soon. But I want this super hemoglobin. I wouldn't get out of breath all the time and I'd only have to exhale once every 20 minutes. Talk about a time saver!
I hypothesize that this is just the adolescent penguin form of huffing. You swim down to about 1,800 feet and when you drag yourself out of the water the swirling colors and warm breezes just make life worth living. Even if it is a frozen bastage of an existence on a shrinking ice shelf with rising flood waters.
All joking aside, genetic crossbreeding gives me the heeby jeebies. I'll not be vacationing with Dr Moreau any time soon. But I want this super hemoglobin. I wouldn't get out of breath all the time and I'd only have to exhale once every 20 minutes. Talk about a time saver!
More Exclusiver.
Apple Store? Pfff, that's so 2001. And Apple has long since abandoned its product line of one mp3 player and one or two computers in favor of shelves filled more confusing options than a jello bowl full of dead goldfish. Well, I've got good news. Simple and exclusive is back in a big way, as the first Tesla store is under construction on Santa Monica Blvd. They've got their ONE product large as life on the construction curtain. I'm pretty sure driving by a giant roadster would get me juiced up to blow that 100 grand I still don't have.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Wordsmith Samantha.
Design Patterns, you'll avoid
Good day. Are you doing good? Email me at [email redacted] only. I am girlie. Mind me sending some of my pictures to you?
videos or older children decision on the free play -- whether out my final
What The HELL is this sposed to be? Samantha, you're an embarrassment to the spamming community. The last email Sam sent me was so eloquent and full of promise that I could have sworn that this type of pandering was gone for ever. So just let me walk you through the wrong turns you made here. Just personal edification here, you don't need to try and contact me about compensation.
First off, you sent the email as Abigail Huggins with a slightly skeezy domain. (Side note, "Huggins" is perhaps not as dirty as you though it was; really comes off as slightly amusing. And if you weren't going for a joke name, I apologize.) Secondly, you want me to reply only to a second and decidedly more skeezy .info email address. Thirdly, this email isn't even to me. Its to some dude with the same first four letters in his email address. Now, I'm not quite sure how you pulled this off (since the mail men on the Internet hardly ever confuse house numbers) but it makes me think I should be forwarding things to their intended recipients instead of reading them.
Ok, now you've got a few solid sentences. 2 words, 4 words (I'll let the good for well difference slide, because I assume you're being cordial by inquiring about my well-being not my charitable acts.), 5 WORDS! Wow, that's impressive. And you do make a persuasive argument with that "I am girlie" tact. But then you lost me at the sending pictures part. See that would require more emails, a task which you've already proved you're not up to. And almost as if you self-destructed on opening night of a middle-school musical, it went spiraling out of control. "Videos or older children"? That's jibberish but gives me the jibblies regardless. "Decision on the free play"? "Whether out my final"? I half expected you to "set us up the bomb", or claim you'd recently usurped all my base. You either need to repeat -4th grade or become a mid-80's foreign video game translator. In either case, stop sending me this turd-riddled handicrap. Now put Sam back on the phone.
Sam, you need to keep your sister off the computer. She just isn't ready for public nuisance yet. Maybe a few more years at "finishing school" be enough, but I have a feeling Momma and Pappa Spamsalot are gonna have to shell out and send her back to "starting school" first. Not. Fully. Baked.
Fashionable Shackles.
Holy crap! Is this why women can't drive? Wait, let me rephrase that. Is this why there's a stereotype that women are sub-par drivers? I mean, come on. You know about it. Its a pretty standard chauvinistic claim.
Lets first acknowledge that that there are many competent female drivers. But is part of the reason women get lumped together because of their shoes? Its common knowledge that almost all women wear stupid shoes. And when I think, it makes perfect sense and I can't believe I never saw the correlation before.
Look at all the clogs and heels and boots and other very nice but totally impractical foot wear that's tottering around you. If my heel were 2 inches farther away from the pedals I bet I'd have a harder time with the fine control of a car too. And in fact, I drove my car wearing my dress shoes for the first time recently and the leather soles were slippery as a mofo on that clutch pedal.
What do you think? Is this a contributing factor? No traction, compromising angle, uncomfortable... Hell, I wouldn't drive a mile in those things, let alone walk.
Lets first acknowledge that that there are many competent female drivers. But is part of the reason women get lumped together because of their shoes? Its common knowledge that almost all women wear stupid shoes. And when I think, it makes perfect sense and I can't believe I never saw the correlation before.
Look at all the clogs and heels and boots and other very nice but totally impractical foot wear that's tottering around you. If my heel were 2 inches farther away from the pedals I bet I'd have a harder time with the fine control of a car too. And in fact, I drove my car wearing my dress shoes for the first time recently and the leather soles were slippery as a mofo on that clutch pedal.
What do you think? Is this a contributing factor? No traction, compromising angle, uncomfortable... Hell, I wouldn't drive a mile in those things, let alone walk.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Fangs!
Ok, let me 'splain you a joke that's been going around my basement for a couple of weeks now. So Natural Light is this pretty cheap beer that we became accustomed to in college for a variety of reasons. (mostly it doesn't taste like hangover and urine to me like bud does. ya bud!) Anyway, the can used to have a design like this:
And eventually they rethought the old classic into something like this:
Oh, yeah that's modern. Sleek and refined and for some reason there are two blue palm fronds behind the busch logo. Stealth bombers? Boomarangs? Its a mystery. Then a while ago they came up with this more moderner packaging on the right:
ROOAAAWRRR! FANGS! Slicker, sleeker and more dangerous! Clearly beer with fangs.
And in case you had any doubt about their fangliness, you need only look as far as a Strong Bad Email for edification.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail153.html
For those of you unwilling to click the links I give you, Strong Bad as redesigning the "No Loafing" sign to be more "fast and slick and shiny like Flo Jo in a tuxedo" Then at the end he slaps on some fangs with no explanation; because adding fangs makes things awesome and requires no explanation.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure this is what happened with the Natty Lite design. A bunch of guys were sitting around a board room or a design studio or a stripper pole, where ever these kinds of things get decided. They were making the brand faster and sleeker and then at the end someone slapped on some fangs cause, well obviously things are cooler with fangs, and beer is no exception.
And in case you had any doubt about their fangliness, you need only look as far as a Strong Bad Email for edification.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail153.html
Stop The Presses!
You Know Which County Is THE County, right?
St. Mary's MD, represent! The sweetest, freest and most luxuriating county in the state is home to a great new holiday giveaway. The first person to kill themselves in a drunk driving accident this season gets a free coffin. Booyah. Free coffin, no catch! Awesome!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Fill 'Er Up, Please.
When I was in Dublin I noted the 12 foot high stone walls that surround nearly every in of the Guinness brewery. I mentioned, jokingly, that it was to keep all the Irishmen out. Of course it, like most good jokes, was only funny because it was mostly true. I mean, come on. I they had a waist high wall there would be so many people in that place you'd think it was Woodstock.
Well the fatal flaw in any wall is that it has a gate. I spose technically you could build a wall with no gates, but that's a rare sight indeed. The gates being the weak point, you generally have sentries or archers or tubs of Greek fire to help make up for it. Not so at the Guinness brewery. Some crafty Irishman stopped trying to climb the walls long enough to figure out he could go around. All told, he made off with 180 kegs of Guinness, 180 kegs of bud and 90 kegs of Carlsberg. That's what was in the trailer he hooked his truck to and scooted right out the front door.
The gardi found the empty truck some distance away. I'm just taking a guess here, but that guy must have brought along 2, maybe 3 of his mates to polish off that much booze so quickly.
Well the fatal flaw in any wall is that it has a gate. I spose technically you could build a wall with no gates, but that's a rare sight indeed. The gates being the weak point, you generally have sentries or archers or tubs of Greek fire to help make up for it. Not so at the Guinness brewery. Some crafty Irishman stopped trying to climb the walls long enough to figure out he could go around. All told, he made off with 180 kegs of Guinness, 180 kegs of bud and 90 kegs of Carlsberg. That's what was in the trailer he hooked his truck to and scooted right out the front door.
The gardi found the empty truck some distance away. I'm just taking a guess here, but that guy must have brought along 2, maybe 3 of his mates to polish off that much booze so quickly.
A Long Time Coming.
Whew, that took long enough. I can't even remember when I first thought that Google would throw a dash of AIM integration in with Gmail, but its finally happened. Unfortunately, I've convinced all my friends to use gmail and gchat in the meantime. So all the cryptic screen names hanging out in my buddy list don't really mean much to me any more. I wonder if I should strike up conversations with them, but that might be super weird.
I've got a DP bumpersticker for an enterprising young go-getter who's willing to search through the archives and find when I first predicted the instant message revolution.
I've got a DP bumpersticker for an enterprising young go-getter who's willing to search through the archives and find when I first predicted the instant message revolution.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
How Does This Not Get You Fired?
This is just a string of bad luck that you could only attribute to mistaking a house of mirrors for a batting cage. Either that or being terrible at your job. Is it bad that I ask myself "Why is this dufus a CEO" more often than not? Universal Music's CEO just demonstrated a dedication to the kind of blind stupidity that should put him up for promotion in the Justice department by early January. After confirming that he'd rather make a penny now than a dollar later, he further trumpeted his incompetence by reminiscing about the days when he didn't have to do any work to get money. He then got defensive about not preparing for the digital age by maintaining that he was incapable of predicting it or of hiring anyone who did understand it. That's about as effective a defense as a polish hostage with Parkinson's puts up. But his misery doesn't end there, he hammered home the "I'm the wrong man for this job message" by asking if people would pay for something that was delivered to their houses free. I guess that's why the bottled water folks are making more than the music guys.
Oh, and check this stuff out. What better way to show your bottled water you care than with gourmet spring water ice.
Oh, and check this stuff out. What better way to show your bottled water you care than with gourmet spring water ice.
The Hairless Beard.
Screw scarves this winter, get yourself some facial hair to keep the heat on your mug. What? You can't grow a thick, lustrous facial creation? Well I dunno what you're gonna do. I guess you could shear the hair off of some other animal, spin it into a manageable form and then knit a hilarious looking hat that has a fake beard attached. But that's like a last resort.
Bigger, Faster, Ego-ier.
For all my bitching about defense spending, I still have to admit that all that cash results in some pretty cool shuff. Like that 1966 classic, the SR-71 Blackbird. That thing just poops cool. Remember that robot kid DARYL who stole one? Had me playing grand theft aero for weeks with my micromachines. Anyway, check out this amusing bit about a blackbird pilot screwing around.
One day, high above Arizona, we were monitoring the radio traffic of all the mortal airplanes below us. First, a Cessna pilot asked the air traffic controllers to check his ground speed. 'Ninety knots,' ATC replied. A twin Bonanza soon made the same request. 'One-twenty on the ground,' was the reply. To our surprise, a navy F-18 came over the radio with a ground speed check. I knew exactly what he was doing. Of course, he had a ground speed indicator in his cockpit, but he wanted to let all the bug-smashers in the valley know what real speed was. 'Dusty 52, we show you at 620 on the ground,' ATC responded.
The situation was too ripe. I heard the click of Walter's mike button in the rear seat. In his most innocent voice, Walter startled the controller by asking for a ground speed check from 81,000 feet, clearly above controlled airspace. In a cool, professional voice, the controller replied, 'Aspen 20, I show you at 1,982 knots on the ground.' We did not hear another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.
I'll Tell YOU Where You Can Put YOUR Hand.
Seriously? Its actually a law that you should put your hand over your heart during the national anthem? That is stupid. Not because I don't (I don't), or because I don't want to (I don't) or because there are so many arrangements of the anthem that I do not consider anthem-like. Its because they can't enforce it. They cannot legally enforce this law without violating someone's rights. I don't get these "laws" that are suggestions. What's the point of a law that doesn't have any authority? I understand tradition, but legislated tradition is like piping crowd noise into a sparsely attended baseball game. Or professional wrestling. They just don't have the sincerity to hold my attention. Congress handing out tips for everyone to live by, but don't have the cajones to follow up on? Makes me want to say "go suck an egg" and make a derogatory gesture. This is a waste of legislation; if that's not a redundant term.
Strategic Humor.
Its hard to be pissed off when you're chuckling. So before you blow a gasket, saunter on over to 23/6 News' coverage of recent Military spending blunders. After reading about these projects you'll think a $500 hammer is downright reasonable.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Slapsgiving
Don't you wish sometimes that your blog would just post things automatically? I just checked the DP and oddly enough there was nothing new since the last time I posted. Creepy, I know. Hmmm... what happened.
Oh, right, I washed my car with that stuff. It worked pretty well too. Well at least the rags I was using got nice and filthy and my car was shiney for a few days. One downside I can think of immediately is that I get nice and close. So I see all the nicks scuffs and scratches I really wish weren't there. I'm sorry, car, for keeping you in the city. But you do look perdy, if its any consolation.
Oh, right, I washed my car with that stuff. It worked pretty well too. Well at least the rags I was using got nice and filthy and my car was shiney for a few days. One downside I can think of immediately is that I get nice and close. So I see all the nicks scuffs and scratches I really wish weren't there. I'm sorry, car, for keeping you in the city. But you do look perdy, if its any consolation.
Friday, November 16, 2007
That Magical Time Of Year.
Yes, I know, I get excited too. Its the time of year for new tax laws! Check out this one that gives low and moderate income workers extra incentive to contribute to retirement accounts. (gives real hope to the prospect of social security panning out, doesn't it? Its like the captain saying the lifeboats are in need of repair and handing out instructions for building your own boat.) So in addition to the future benefits of my roth IRA, I'd get a credit on my return now. Sweet, right? But apparently the IRS and I have differing opinions on what "moderate income" means. I mean, yeah, I know there's a lot of people who make less than me, but if you look at my area I'm right in that moderate to medium bracket. Shouldn't that count for something? Where's my damn tax credit? Living in the city is expensive.
Spam Tram Pulling Into... DELETED!
Hello,
I am a Civil Lawyer. I have a Client that has Interest in Investing in
Your Country, can You be of Assistance?
I shall give Details when You Reply.
Mr. David William Ess
Shit dude, you gotta line up behind everyone else who wants me to invest in America for them. Do you have any idea how good my country investing strategorgles are? They're like in the top sevrenth of the logospire. But seriously Dave. Or Will. Or Dill. You gotta find what's called a "stock exchange" and use a "broker". I know this all sounds very technical, but after that investing in America is as easy as buying stock in the military industrial complex. Or oil. Or waffles. Of course if you really want to get a return on your investment you should track down one of those Nigerian princes who needs help buying new suede luggage to smuggle unbelievably fat stacks of cash into your turnip cellar. Trust me, there's no possible way that could miss.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Waterless Whatnow?
I'm washing my new car more than my old one. Which isn't really giving you much information except to say I'm washing my new car more than never. Anyway, its something I do periodically and puts me into yet another consumer group. People who want clean cars.
But that also conflicts with the side of me that tries to limit waste. Lately I've been taking note of how much potable water we waste and trying to reduce my personal [over-] consumption. I turn off the water while I brush my teeth. I make sure my laundry loads are properly filled. I've stopped flushing the urinal at work unless it needs it. (Mens-roommates: yes that's me, please stop freaking out. It's gonna sit there for what, 65 seconds, before getting flushed by the next guy? Who are these dudes that flush before they go? Do you really need to pee into a pristine white bowl of clear drinkable water? Its rhetorical, don't answer.) Anyway, my newly acquired indulgence is obviously pretty high up on the waste-o-water list.
So when I read about this husband and wife in California who created an environmentally friendly waterless carwash I was intrigued. First off: waterless carwash? Apparently its not such an obscure thing; cleaning chemical companies have been making them for a while. They're just targeted at car collectors and such, using mostly dangerous chemicals to get the job done. Think of it as auto dry cleaning. So they figured out a way to get the same job done using more natural chemistry. (There's some tear jerking back story about how their daughter was chronically ill, and it turned out she was allergic to harsh cleaners. So the couple developed this hypoallergenic carwash. My solution would have been to stop bathing her in carwash soap.)
So I ordered it nearly immediately (hint to businesses: if you accept paypal I'll make impulsive purchases more often) and it came in the mail this week. It was shipped in biodegradable materials, although I imagine I'll have to recycle the bottle as it looks like normal plastic. $23 seems like a lot for a bottle of cleaner, but 7-10 car washes per bottle make it seem more reasonable. Especially when you consider the roughly 80 dollars I'd spend on 10 car washes with a less personal touch. ( I actually threw down 20 bucks at the car wash on Connecticut a couple weeks ago and though 20 towel handed soap jockeys caressed every crevasse, I was a little appalled at how quickly it was over. I mean, tease it out guys. Give me my money's worth) So I'm saving about 60 bucks, 300 gallons of water, and I get to spend some quality time outdoors with my car. Win-freakin-win-freakin-win. Fortuitously, its been raining lately, so I haven't had a chance to test it out yet. I'll let you know how it goes.
But that also conflicts with the side of me that tries to limit waste. Lately I've been taking note of how much potable water we waste and trying to reduce my personal [over-] consumption. I turn off the water while I brush my teeth. I make sure my laundry loads are properly filled. I've stopped flushing the urinal at work unless it needs it. (Mens-roommates: yes that's me, please stop freaking out. It's gonna sit there for what, 65 seconds, before getting flushed by the next guy? Who are these dudes that flush before they go? Do you really need to pee into a pristine white bowl of clear drinkable water? Its rhetorical, don't answer.) Anyway, my newly acquired indulgence is obviously pretty high up on the waste-o-water list.
So when I read about this husband and wife in California who created an environmentally friendly waterless carwash I was intrigued. First off: waterless carwash? Apparently its not such an obscure thing; cleaning chemical companies have been making them for a while. They're just targeted at car collectors and such, using mostly dangerous chemicals to get the job done. Think of it as auto dry cleaning. So they figured out a way to get the same job done using more natural chemistry. (There's some tear jerking back story about how their daughter was chronically ill, and it turned out she was allergic to harsh cleaners. So the couple developed this hypoallergenic carwash. My solution would have been to stop bathing her in carwash soap.)
So I ordered it nearly immediately (hint to businesses: if you accept paypal I'll make impulsive purchases more often) and it came in the mail this week. It was shipped in biodegradable materials, although I imagine I'll have to recycle the bottle as it looks like normal plastic. $23 seems like a lot for a bottle of cleaner, but 7-10 car washes per bottle make it seem more reasonable. Especially when you consider the roughly 80 dollars I'd spend on 10 car washes with a less personal touch. ( I actually threw down 20 bucks at the car wash on Connecticut a couple weeks ago and though 20 towel handed soap jockeys caressed every crevasse, I was a little appalled at how quickly it was over. I mean, tease it out guys. Give me my money's worth) So I'm saving about 60 bucks, 300 gallons of water, and I get to spend some quality time outdoors with my car. Win-freakin-win-freakin-win. Fortuitously, its been raining lately, so I haven't had a chance to test it out yet. I'll let you know how it goes.
I Need Help.
So I was flipping through catalogs as I used CatalogChoice to unsubscribe from everything that gets delivered to my house. (I'm now opted out of 14 catalogs under 7 current and previous residents) And I got to the "Container Store" catalog. Now, I've heard of this place before. I'm not gonna say why or embarrass anyone by mentioning names, but I have. Although I was never really clear what one bought there. I guess I imagined a warehouse filled with different color Rubermaid tubs. This is apparently not the case. So here's where I need help: How in the name of sweet jesus is this not called "the crap no one in the world could ever need store"? I flip through the pages and I see pile after pile at the landfill stocked by junk people bought for under 5 dollars, kept in a drawer for 6 years, never used and then pitched. I don't just not want to get this catalog, I wish this catalog... this store... I wish all this crap didn't even exist. Now, in their defense this is the "Something Neat For Every Stocking" edition of the catalog, which might not be as much a reflection of the store as the instant gratification, delayed garbage culture of Christmas. I dunno, I'm no socio-economist. If you can get your hands on a copy you'll see what I mean. COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. WASTE OF SPACE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DON'T PAY YOU FOR TAKING THIS JUNK. Seriously, its like the Skymall catalog except delivered to my door and without a $700 wine cooling rack. But don't go poking around my house for a copy, this badboy is headed straight for the recycling bin.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Holy Crap.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Just So You Know.
I am NOT in Africa. I have not lost my wallet. I was not struck on the back of the head causing all my knowledge of the English language and hatred of CapsLock to fall out the front. You'd have to assume all of the preceding conditions were true to be taken in by the latest 419 scam from Nigeria. It involves stealing email accounts and begging friends for money.
When you think about it this scam is most dangerous to good friends of poorly spoken, careless, spontaneous travelers. "Hmmm Jim does suck at writing... And he does lose his stuff... And I haven't seen him in a couple days. I guess he could have gone to Africa. " I guess the other victims are the careless travelers themselves who can no longer count on poorly solicited wire transfer loans to bail them out of whatever hot water they're in this week. Also, If I ever ask you to keep something "CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US" I want you to tackle me and rip the mask off my face Scooby Doo style.
HELLO
HOW ARE YOU DOING? I WANT YOU TO KEEP THIS CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US, I KNOW THAT I CAN PUT MY TRUST IN YOU ON THIS. PLEASE DO NOT LET ME DOWN. RIGHT NOW I AM IN AFRICA, NIGERIA. I CAME HERE ON A TRIP TO SEE A FRIEND AND WHEN I GOT HERE I LOST MY WALLET CONTAINING THE ADRESS OF MY FRIEND AND HIS CONTACT PHONE NUMBER, ALONG WITH MY ATM CARD AND OTHER VALUABLES.
SO RIGHT NOW I DO NOT EVEN HAVE ANY MONEY ON ME . I AM STAYING IN A HOTEL NOW , AND THE MANAGER IS ALREADY RANTING OVER HIS MONEY AND AS TIME GOES BY THE BILLS ARE INCREASING.
I WOULD WANT YOU TO LOAN ME $2000. I PROMISE TO PAY YOU BACK AS SOON AS I GET BACK… I WOULD WANT YOU TO HELP SEND THE MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION . GET BACK AT ME ASAP.
HOPE TO READ FROM YOU…
When you think about it this scam is most dangerous to good friends of poorly spoken, careless, spontaneous travelers. "Hmmm Jim does suck at writing... And he does lose his stuff... And I haven't seen him in a couple days. I guess he could have gone to Africa. " I guess the other victims are the careless travelers themselves who can no longer count on poorly solicited wire transfer loans to bail them out of whatever hot water they're in this week. Also, If I ever ask you to keep something "CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US" I want you to tackle me and rip the mask off my face Scooby Doo style.
Check out this golf ball i used on sunda
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Talk About A Let Down.
Well, crap. Turns out they're not gonna ban cars in Beijing for the Olympics after all. No, I'm not worried about the athletes. I'm sure they'll all truck in bottles of oxygen to snort before and after their events. I was excited about the social experiment and logistics necessary to move so many people in an urban environment. Especially ones who were unfamiliar with the region. When I first heard of the plans to limit automobile traffic I thought it was one of the most ambitious and socially aware efforts I'd heard of. Imagine, using a world stage to point out that cars are not actually very efficient for moving masses of people and hammering home that they degrade the air quality immediately.
I was really rooting for them. But now I hope it blows up in their face and becomes one of the worst gridlock fiascos ever to grace the planet. Then maybe people will wonder what would have happened if everyone was riding trams, buses, or bicycles. Weak sauce China. Weak sauce.
I was really rooting for them. But now I hope it blows up in their face and becomes one of the worst gridlock fiascos ever to grace the planet. Then maybe people will wonder what would have happened if everyone was riding trams, buses, or bicycles. Weak sauce China. Weak sauce.
Skinny, Motorless, 1 Person Cars.
Its really hard to think abstractly while you're sitting in traffic about to burst a blood vessel in your forehead. But next time it happens remember, all these cars are not in your way, you are as much a part of the obstruction as anyone else out there. You selfish son-of-a... bean-sprout.
The Sietch has a great visualization of the space it takes to transport a set number of people by car, bus, and bike. I have to say, I'm surprised how little room a bus takes up compared to its passengers standing around.
The Sietch has a great visualization of the space it takes to transport a set number of people by car, bus, and bike. I have to say, I'm surprised how little room a bus takes up compared to its passengers standing around.
Lost Enough To Ask For Directions? Wimp.
Just chalk it up to male pride? That's such a fallacy. The reason men never ask for directions is because they never get lost; they merely discover new places and exciting shortcuts all while increasing their geographic understanding of an area. Back off.
While it might seem like a good idea to make gas pumps smarter, putting computers and Google maps systems in them is completely worthless. Don't get me wrong, I love Google maps. It is half the reasons I bought my phone. But why develop an incentive for gas stations to replace perfectly adequate equipment, especially when we really need to be getting rid of gas pumps altogether? How about you put an Internet mapping kiosk in the mini-mart instead? That way you're more likely to sell impulse items while cardinally impaired individuals wander in seeking help.
We should start thinking about what to do with gas stations now, while electric vehicles charging in everyone's homes are just a wisp on the imagination. Before they know it they'll be the RIAA trying to pedal goods in stores that consumers would rather get sent electronically whilst in their pajamas. You hear me service station owners? Start thinking of reasons for electric motorists to stop at your establishments or you'll start to feel the pinch sooner than you know.
Oh, and I get pissed off enough waiting for people to pump their gas, let alone waiting for bumble to figure out which way the waffle house is from here. I will not stop at a gas station with maps at the pump.
While it might seem like a good idea to make gas pumps smarter, putting computers and Google maps systems in them is completely worthless. Don't get me wrong, I love Google maps. It is half the reasons I bought my phone. But why develop an incentive for gas stations to replace perfectly adequate equipment, especially when we really need to be getting rid of gas pumps altogether? How about you put an Internet mapping kiosk in the mini-mart instead? That way you're more likely to sell impulse items while cardinally impaired individuals wander in seeking help.
We should start thinking about what to do with gas stations now, while electric vehicles charging in everyone's homes are just a wisp on the imagination. Before they know it they'll be the RIAA trying to pedal goods in stores that consumers would rather get sent electronically whilst in their pajamas. You hear me service station owners? Start thinking of reasons for electric motorists to stop at your establishments or you'll start to feel the pinch sooner than you know.
Oh, and I get pissed off enough waiting for people to pump their gas, let alone waiting for bumble to figure out which way the waffle house is from here. I will not stop at a gas station with maps at the pump.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Ride The Cheese.
Wait. Only 40% of primary school kids in Scotland get to school by car? And you don't have school buses? Are you guys using hover-scooters or something? Cause I'm pretty sure school buses account for about half of the mass transit in America. 100% in rural areas.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Key Neuter.
I'm sure you think terrible thoughts about your CapsLock key. You probably mutter vague threats and bad mouth it to all the other keys when its not looking. Sure, its easy enough to disable it or rip the key right off of the keyboard, but come on. We're not barbarians. And sometimes, just sometimes, you might actually want to turn on the CapsLock. Then where would you be? Well, fret not, cause I've got your back. The script below will half-neuter your CapsLock key so that if you hit it instead of the shift key you'll never know. And if for some reason you do want it on, just double tap to activate.
CapsLock ::
if A_PriorHotkey = CapsLock
{
if A_TimeSincePriorHotkey < 500
{
SetCapsLockState, on
return
}
}
SetCapsLockState, on
keywait, CapsLock
SetCapsLockState, OFF
return
Oh, and if you don't run AutoHotKey I spose I could whip up an .exe for you. Of course it seems wasteful to run that and only modify one key, so you really should just get AHK and modify your own script. Its super easy and makes you look like a keyboard ninja.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Start Your Robots.
DARPA's Urban Challenge is tomorrow. You know, think Grand Challenge but in a city with other cars driving around. I've been reading all week and getting psyched up about it, but I'm gonna be busy most of the day. So somebody else watch the live feed and tell me how it goes. Come on Junior!
Harry Harried Hen Harriers?
Yeah, if I was a prince I'd shoot endangered birds. What? Is that so wrong? Prince Harry and a friend have been questioned about two hen harriers that were found dead on the Queen's estate while they were hunting. I'm getting a distinct "its illegal to hunt in the King's wood" vibe here. To which I'd probably reply "Snog off, I'm the damn prince." If it comes down to it, the penalty is a £5,000 fine or six months in jail. I know which I'd pick were I a prince. But I'd make sure I got to eat that bird after I paid the fine, that's for sure.
I Tracka You Down.
Wikipedia is awesome but sometimes its hard to wrap your brain around just how many people are contributing to that global data cache. Sure, you know that people edit and reedit articles until they're more marginally correct than before. But how often and where are all these people? Enter WikipediaVision. Its a google maps mash up that plots the anonymous edits to Wikipedia on a world map in near realtime. It even has links to the article and a difference link so you can tell that someone from Central Canada thinks that Hawaii is the "main nation of the robot empire, it is useing giant weiner dogs to pee on there enemies. " Watching all those edits go down may crystallize what a massive group effort this project is. Of course it may instill you with massive doubt, seeing all the vandalism first hand. Either way, cool site about a cool site.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Like, Thanksgiving And Stuff?
Well shucks. It appears to be November and I still have post stubs going back all the way to September. Lets see what we can do about that; DP style.
<-- Maybe this is why I'm psyched to see wind turbines on the horizon. I think they're pretty. This little future-Civic looks pretty kickass. Slap a type R badge on the back and stick a diesel under the hood and its really something to get excited about. Honda is bringing the diesel; its gonna rock; just bide your time.
Nice little tip here: cotton balls soaked in petroleum, once lit, will burn through pretty much anything. I'm gonna start carrying cotton balls and steel wool in one pocket with Vaseline and 6 volt batteries in the other.
We're gonna need a term for faster than fast as balls. Remember the concord? Childs' play. Forget twice the speed of sound, when you're in a hurry you need mach 5. Maybe a little faster. That's what the EU is hoping to get out of the A2; fueled by hydrogen and liquid oxygen. Looks like we keep finding reasons to love hydrogen. Now if we could just figure out how to make an ass-load of it.
Yeah, you can find good stuff in the trash. Especially if you know a little something about art, apparently. Although I gotta believe if you're lookin for large cash settlements, your chances are a little better playing the lottery or jumping in front of limos.
Maybe its just cause my windows transfer more heat than a Central American arms merchant, but I'm totally in love with these windows. They have three, count em, three highly insulating panes. The center of which has a heat reflective surface like a one way valve. So in the summer you can keep heat out, but flip the frame during winter to keep heat in.
I know that anesthesiologists are generally very good and people normally don't wake up in the middle of surgery; but if I opened my eyes and saw a couple of surgeons standing over me with a bottle of hot sauce I would FREAK OUT. Straight-up crazy. Like they'd have to knock me unconscious with a shoe.
This one was gonna to be a joke about Cheney. I'm sure you can fill in the details.
I just couldn't resist the title of this one. Now that's good journalism. I'm not exactly sure how you make bio-fuel from lamb, but I'm sure quality is directly related to the fluffiness.
This is pretty cool. It's a memory card with wifi built right in. So whenever it can find the Internet it'll upload your newest pictures whereever you want. Those chumps who bought that kodak wifi camera are kickin themselves now. Too bad my cameras take CF. Where's the Sea-FI love?
Dangerous = Cool. Its just a fact of life. The more dangerous the activity, the cooler you look while doing it. For example: skydiving. Pretty cool looking. Now strap on a jetpack and some wings. Evel Knievel never dreamed of looking so good. Reminds me of the switchblade from Die Another Day, but with jet engines.
<-- Maybe this is why I'm psyched to see wind turbines on the horizon. I think they're pretty. This little future-Civic looks pretty kickass. Slap a type R badge on the back and stick a diesel under the hood and its really something to get excited about. Honda is bringing the diesel; its gonna rock; just bide your time.Nice little tip here: cotton balls soaked in petroleum, once lit, will burn through pretty much anything. I'm gonna start carrying cotton balls and steel wool in one pocket with Vaseline and 6 volt batteries in the other.
We're gonna need a term for faster than fast as balls. Remember the concord? Childs' play. Forget twice the speed of sound, when you're in a hurry you need mach 5. Maybe a little faster. That's what the EU is hoping to get out of the A2; fueled by hydrogen and liquid oxygen. Looks like we keep finding reasons to love hydrogen. Now if we could just figure out how to make an ass-load of it.
Yeah, you can find good stuff in the trash. Especially if you know a little something about art, apparently. Although I gotta believe if you're lookin for large cash settlements, your chances are a little better playing the lottery or jumping in front of limos.
Maybe its just cause my windows transfer more heat than a Central American arms merchant, but I'm totally in love with these windows. They have three, count em, three highly insulating panes. The center of which has a heat reflective surface like a one way valve. So in the summer you can keep heat out, but flip the frame during winter to keep heat in.I know that anesthesiologists are generally very good and people normally don't wake up in the middle of surgery; but if I opened my eyes and saw a couple of surgeons standing over me with a bottle of hot sauce I would FREAK OUT. Straight-up crazy. Like they'd have to knock me unconscious with a shoe.
This one was gonna to be a joke about Cheney. I'm sure you can fill in the details.
I just couldn't resist the title of this one. Now that's good journalism. I'm not exactly sure how you make bio-fuel from lamb, but I'm sure quality is directly related to the fluffiness.
This is pretty cool. It's a memory card with wifi built right in. So whenever it can find the Internet it'll upload your newest pictures whereever you want. Those chumps who bought that kodak wifi camera are kickin themselves now. Too bad my cameras take CF. Where's the Sea-FI love?
Dangerous = Cool. Its just a fact of life. The more dangerous the activity, the cooler you look while doing it. For example: skydiving. Pretty cool looking. Now strap on a jetpack and some wings. Evel Knievel never dreamed of looking so good. Reminds me of the switchblade from Die Another Day, but with jet engines.Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Super... Something.
I just got some new software to install at work. All well and good but look what came in the box. Some type of Visual Basic super hero posters. Like big ass 4 by 4 posters.
I quite literally have no idea what to do with these.
"Mr. Infinity harnesses the power and flexibility of the .NET framework to combat the FEATURE CREEP..."Seriously?
I quite literally have no idea what to do with these.
So, You Like Matches Huh?
A child has admitted to starting one of the raging infernos in California. There is only one recourse. Water-board him. Find out who his arsonist pals are and which terrorist organization put him up to it. Then either bomb or water-board them. Forget "Only you can prevent forest fires" I've got a new slogan for Smokey. "Fight fire with water-boarding."
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
You Just Bite Him Right Back.
Hmmm... Dog bite prevention week? I don't think I do a very good job imagining how most dog bites go down. Maybe that's cause I like dogs and have never, to my recollection, had a bad experience with one. I spose that has to do with the kind of dogs I encounter and the experience I received as a child.
So I feel like the phrasing of this program is misleading. Its not the dogs' fault. They're not vicious wraiths hovering outside the window waiting for that first glimpse of flesh they can sink their teeth into. It should be more like "domestic animal interaction week". How not to screw with your dog and turn him into a canine psychopath, and how to approach and interact with other peoples' pets who are well cared-for, trained and loved.
.0002 percent of the 4.7 million Americans bitten by dogs die each year. That's 16 folks a year. Compare that with 20,000 that die from flu, 15,000 murders or 90 lightning deaths each year and I start to wonder why dog bites get a whole week. Seems like proportionally it should get about 10 and a half minutes if we spend a week trying to raise murder awareness. I mean, forget rules to prevent dogs from attacking, how about some guidelines to prevent a human from attacking me?
So I feel like the phrasing of this program is misleading. Its not the dogs' fault. They're not vicious wraiths hovering outside the window waiting for that first glimpse of flesh they can sink their teeth into. It should be more like "domestic animal interaction week". How not to screw with your dog and turn him into a canine psychopath, and how to approach and interact with other peoples' pets who are well cared-for, trained and loved.
.0002 percent of the 4.7 million Americans bitten by dogs die each year. That's 16 folks a year. Compare that with 20,000 that die from flu, 15,000 murders or 90 lightning deaths each year and I start to wonder why dog bites get a whole week. Seems like proportionally it should get about 10 and a half minutes if we spend a week trying to raise murder awareness. I mean, forget rules to prevent dogs from attacking, how about some guidelines to prevent a human from attacking me?
- Do not approach an unfamiliar [person].
- Do not run from a [person] and scream.
- Remain motionless (e.g., "be still like a tree") when approached by an unfamiliar [person].
- If knocked over by a [person], roll into a ball and lie still (e.g., "be still like a log").
- Do not play with a [person] unless supervised by an adult.
- Immediately report stray [people] or [people] displaying unusual behavior to an adult.
- Avoid direct eye contact with a [person].
- Do not disturb a [person] who is sleeping, eating, or caring for puppies.
- Do not pet a [person] without allowing it to see and sniff you first.
- If bitten, immediately report the bite to an adult.
Nice Job.
Researchers have found the longest lived animal on earth. Its a Quahog clam that has lived through 405 years of history. It died upon capture. Nice, you found the world's oldest animal and promptly killed it. That's gotta make your day. "There's probably many others that are actually quite older—we just haven't found them yet," [oh god I hope there are] Adding a very scientific "I think in my stomach if you start getting up around 600, then maybe that would be the maximum—but that's just pure speculation," Have you been talking to Stephen Colbert? I know I just discovered and destroyed the worlds oldest animal, but my gut tells me there are lots more where that came from. My gut also tells me they're delicious.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Rock My World.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Now That's Creative.
You may have seen these pictures of the McDonald's pizza around the internets. Also, maybe not. I have to admit, I wouldn't have thought of that. But I gotta say, 2 cheeseburgers, a pack of fries, and chicken nuggets baked into a pizza is the least disturbing thing about this picture. What the heck is with the gun and large stabby-type knife there? Is it "i'm taking this picture, I'd better make sure my weapons are in it"? Maybe he thinks the hamburgler is gonna burst in at any minute and swipe his pizza. Or maybe this dude just doesn't have any place to set something down that's not next to two killing tools. I dunno, but I gotta go get something to eat; and bake it into something else to eat.Friday, October 26, 2007
Just Squirt It Into My Mouth.
Yes, ez-cheese meets breakfast. I can't really begin to describe how disgusting I find this. Not the pancakes oozing out of a pressurized container part, but the absolute waste and laziness this product represents. If you can't crack an egg and pour some milk, you don't deserve pancakes. There's 8 pancakes in this conveniently disposable and landfilling container, as opposed to the about 300 servings found in a cardboard box of pancake mix. What's next, some kind of potted meat aerosol sausage machine? Please don't buy this. Go get some Eggos if you're too stupid/lazy to make pancakes from "scratch".
*Note: Actually making pancakes from scratch isn't really that hard, and using a premade mix is even easier. If you need to squirt them out of a can, I'm not sure you're gonna be able to handle the arduous tasks of flipping them over, pouring syrup from a bottle, and putting them into your mouth with a fork.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Happy.
All it takes to make me happy is to give me exactly what I want. And if you're lucky enough to have been told what makes me sad, it should be a cake walk to do the opposite. I knew having a blag would be advantageous. I mean, I assume Google read my sullen write up of their pop service and immediately started working on imap support. It took them a little over a month, but they're starting to roll out the capability. This is gonna kick ass on my Helio. *Smile* I love you too, Google.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
You've Gotta Lock That Down.
This is not an academic warning. There have been two incidences of SUVs at my work having their catalytic converters stolen from the parking lot. It must really suck to start up your monstrosity and realize that an integral piece of your exhaust system has been burgled. Of course I find it fairly amusing because my car sits so low to the ground that I can't even get my shoulder under it, let alone remove any parts. So while you can handle the urban jungle of potholes on Mass Ave better, I get twice the gas mileage and my junx don't get stole. Who's laughing now sucker?
I Like Yogurt. That's Something, Right?
I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate yoga. I've never even tried it. But I don't dislike not yoga. And that's good enough for me. But I do dislike overly popular trends, a benchmark which yoga is ether quickly approaching or has scampered over the precipice of. All these hipsters with their fancy mats and special classes; 'oh, I'm so cool with my weird poses and complicated shoes.'
Of course with my luck, disliking yoga will become an overly popular trend and before I know what hit me I'll find myself in a downward dog wearing a unitard. Hott.
Of course with my luck, disliking yoga will become an overly popular trend and before I know what hit me I'll find myself in a downward dog wearing a unitard. Hott.
Chocozuma's Revenge.
Wow, this makes a lot of people seem much more reasonable to me. I eat chocolate. I have no problem with it. But it doesn't make my heart beat faster and I don't think about it when I don't have it. I have no preference between Skittles and M&M's. I like cheese cake better than chocolate cheese cake. There IS such a thing as too much chocolate; chocolate chip chocolate cookies for example.
So I seriously did not understand why some people seemed to go apeshit, pardon my french, over something so stellarly ordinary. But this preliminary study of the various (and differing) strains of bacteria living in peoples' stomachs sheds a bit of light. Some people actually do feel a basic drive to consume chocolate, while others simply don't. Huh. Sounds as plausible as any reason I can think of.
P.S. That cookie post was talking about Pepperidge Farm's Cranberry Oatmeal cookies. So no, its not evidence of irrational chocoholism.
So I seriously did not understand why some people seemed to go apeshit, pardon my french, over something so stellarly ordinary. But this preliminary study of the various (and differing) strains of bacteria living in peoples' stomachs sheds a bit of light. Some people actually do feel a basic drive to consume chocolate, while others simply don't. Huh. Sounds as plausible as any reason I can think of.
P.S. That cookie post was talking about Pepperidge Farm's Cranberry Oatmeal cookies. So no, its not evidence of irrational chocoholism.
Three Inch Fangs?
I'm pretty glad I don't live in a city where I have to worry about being thrown off a balcony by macaque monkeys. They're smaller than many species, but aggressive and roam through populated areas stealing and vandalizing. Mostly they've learned that people have food and can be intimidated out of it more easily than most animals.
I've never fought a monkey, but I like to think that I could scare off two of three of these things if I wanted to. Given access to a sturdy club, I'd raise that estimate to 5. Of course monkey bites seem like one of the less pleasant ways to get herpes B. So I guess it would depend on the type of food I was defending. This does make me want to learn some type of bare-handed self defense/ monkey fu, but I spose it would be simpler to just get a gun. And honestly if I thought there was a chance they'd actually take something good from me, I'd do my best to destroy it before they could. Note to self: get can of hairspray and lighter prior to visiting New Delhi.
I've never fought a monkey, but I like to think that I could scare off two of three of these things if I wanted to. Given access to a sturdy club, I'd raise that estimate to 5. Of course monkey bites seem like one of the less pleasant ways to get herpes B. So I guess it would depend on the type of food I was defending. This does make me want to learn some type of bare-handed self defense/ monkey fu, but I spose it would be simpler to just get a gun. And honestly if I thought there was a chance they'd actually take something good from me, I'd do my best to destroy it before they could. Note to self: get can of hairspray and lighter prior to visiting New Delhi.
Cookie Monster.
Pepperidge Farm cookies are such a scam. There's only eight of those things in a box. How is that enough cookies for anyone? I mean, sure if they were bigger than normal cookies that might pass. But these things are even on the small size of the cookie scale. Damn you Pepperidge Farm!
No Puffters.
I love the smoking ban in DC. I find that my quality of life is greatly improved by limiting that of others. And I'm fine with that. Mostly its about not having smoke permeate every fiber and pore on me. Makes me a happy camper and keeps my clothes hamper smelling like BO instead of tar and cancer.
Well, the first exception to the ban has been granted just around the corner at Aroma. Which always seemed like an odd name for a martini bar to me. Apparently it is a cigar bar, and with the ban in place they took a large enough hit that they qualified for a hardship exemption. Now, I certainly understand wanting your customers to be able to enjoy the products you sell, but I can't help thinking this is gonna draw in the smokers from all over the city. I don't really mind if they want to hot box that place. I've been to Aroma. It sucks. I'm worried about all those future health care liabilities spilling out across the sidewalk and trashing up my neighborhood with their butts.
But don't confuse me with those NIMBY whiners. I don't even have a back yard. And I wish people would stop smoking everywhere. Honestly that's the largest drawback to universal health care that I can think of. Morons exposing themselves to a notorious and venomous carcinogen, who will eventually want to be cured of their self-inflicted and wholly preventable malady.
Well, the first exception to the ban has been granted just around the corner at Aroma. Which always seemed like an odd name for a martini bar to me. Apparently it is a cigar bar, and with the ban in place they took a large enough hit that they qualified for a hardship exemption. Now, I certainly understand wanting your customers to be able to enjoy the products you sell, but I can't help thinking this is gonna draw in the smokers from all over the city. I don't really mind if they want to hot box that place. I've been to Aroma. It sucks. I'm worried about all those future health care liabilities spilling out across the sidewalk and trashing up my neighborhood with their butts.
But don't confuse me with those NIMBY whiners. I don't even have a back yard. And I wish people would stop smoking everywhere. Honestly that's the largest drawback to universal health care that I can think of. Morons exposing themselves to a notorious and venomous carcinogen, who will eventually want to be cured of their self-inflicted and wholly preventable malady.
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